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Original poster

Am I over reacting... husband takes put 5 year old.

206 replies

2unicorns · 26/08/2019 17:56

So yesterday my husband said there was a family charity fun day in the local pitch where we live. Our housing area is beside it but to gain access to it it's the long way around about a 5-10min walk. So he took the 5 year old over, I stayed at home with youngest because I'd so much washing to catch up on

I thought they would be home teatime.. no sign. They had dinner there.. bbq so it was approaching 7pm/7.30 and I reminded him that she was due a bath and that she had to come home. He reassured me that she was fine and playing a game of cricket with other kids.. 8pm/8.30 im ringing him to tell him to get her home. He starts rejecting my calls between that time. He starts texting me to say he cant talk right now, my alarm bells start ringing. When he did answer his phone in his pocket it sounds like he was inside and there was lots of noise like you would be at a bar.. he hits the phone and I can her him talking clearly sounds like hes been drinking. You know that slurred sound.

So I'm ringing and texting and hes ignoring me. Its pitch black and I know their walk home isnt going to be easy if hes been drinking. Open river etc..

So I phone his dad.. I cant leave the house because the youngest is in bed sleeping.

His dad does with my SIL and she goes in and lifts my daughter and takes her out into the car he follows and comes home. I can see from when he gets home the way he is swaying and slurring he is very drunk.

Am I wrong for being worried, frantic , ringing his dad to come and help. He says there were other kids there he doesnt seem to understand the dangers he put our daughter in. I've already told him it's an arrestable offence as hes drunk and in charge of a child under 7.

Hes saying I'm over reacting, I'm a control freak trying to keep them indoors. I'm at the end of my tether to explain to him anything could have happened to her. I mean she didnt get to bed and asleep until 11pm and she goes back to school tomorrow/Tuesday.

I've never seen my parents drunk when I was younger. She was among smoking adults, I dont smoke. I just dont like the fact she was in an establishment like that even tho it was closed room for the charity function.

He keeps telling me he didn't have much to drink.. that he was finishing up and heading home as his dad turned up but I dont believe him this morning he was apologetic and realised he was wrong and it was irresponsible for him to do that...

Now hes basically saying it was fine and there was no danger that it's me with the problem of being overbearing and over reacting. I just dont know what else to say to him. I've been off with him all day I've not spoken to him only if I've had to.

I'm just so shocked that he doesnt see it as a problem Confused

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 26/08/2019 18:00

Wow that's outrageous, I'd have been livid and thinking that he can never be trusted with a child again!!!

jelly79 · 26/08/2019 18:01

Don't try and reason with him whilst he is drunk.

CloudyWithAChance2 · 26/08/2019 18:02

Complete overreaction if there was a function there. Lighten up.
Had you never been to a rugby club?

bigchris · 26/08/2019 18:03

Well did his dad and sister think you were overreacting? I suspect not

NeatFreakMama · 26/08/2019 18:04

I was thinking it sounded alright as a one off until you got to the pub / late bit. I dont get why he didn't drop her home and go back if he really wanted to stay out, 10 minute walk is nothing?!

bigchris · 26/08/2019 18:05

Had you never been to a rugby club?

Bizarre questionGrin

I've never been , do parents get pissed there in in some charge of little kids ?

CloudyWithAChance2 · 26/08/2019 18:05

Well did his dad and sister think you were overreacting? I suspect not

Probably scared of her

Hopoindown31 · 26/08/2019 18:05

Totally irresponsible. I'd be fuming.

CloudyWithAChance2 · 26/08/2019 18:06

I've never been , do parents get pissed there in in some charge of little kids?

It’s not uncommon for families to enjoy a drink amongst their families (including kids) in some establishments.
It might sound crazy but it does happen

Sunshine1239 · 26/08/2019 18:07

I’d normally say you are totally right but given you were ringing constantly from so early on and seemed annoyed about late bedtime etc (all trivial given the weather) I’m inclined to say you were a bit jealous and wanted to spoil their fun

If you’d ring initially at say 9/10 fair enough but demeaning he bring her home at 8 is ott - he’s her parent too

The being drunk is obviously wrong but I wander if the other family members thought the same?

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 26/08/2019 18:07

What time did he get home?

CloudyWithAChance2 · 26/08/2019 18:07

I’d normally say you are totally right but given you were ringing constantly from so early on and seemed annoyed about late bedtime etc (all trivial given the weather) I’m inclined to say you were a bit jealous and wanted to spoil their fun

Spot on.

Techway · 26/08/2019 18:08

I suspect he knows it was wrong but won't back down. He must have felt (rightly) chastised by his Dad and sister coming to the pub. I am glad they did it as likely to have more impact that just you.

How was your daughter?

Does he drink often like this? If not I would just repeat to him "it was unacceptable and should not happen again.You could have dropped her home and went out again but instead you made a bad decision. I am very grateful to your Dad and sister for collecting daughter'

Hopefully this is a one off.

CassianAndor · 26/08/2019 18:08

The drinking too much is an issue.

A late night at an event like this with lots of other kids staying up late enjoying themselves - nope, not a problem. She doesn’t go back to school for 2 days!! And no-one would have been smoking indoors.

So, overall I think you have overreacted if you think a single late night in the company of some adults who were smoking and no bath is an issue.

Sunflowers211 · 26/08/2019 18:09

Ringing him constantly from 7.30pm is excessive and controlling. I would turn my phone off as well, however drinking until he was "drunk" when responsible for a child is not on, but again we only have your word for this. No harm has come to either of them, after all it was a charity fun day so your DD would not of been the only child there. It's the end of the holidays, so let them have their fun.

RB68 · 26/08/2019 18:11

No one begrudges a couple of drinks and socialising - however he was very drunk, very late and she is 5 folks and she was very late back for a 5 yr old that has been out all day and he was refusing to answer phone etc and give reasonable response to being home etc. He is totally unreasonable in my view

CloudyWithAChance2 · 26/08/2019 18:12

in the company of some adults who were smoking and no bath is an issue.

This is another example of the exaggeration and embellishment. Bet they weren’t smoking in front of the kid unless the kid was outside. The fact that people smoke is irrelevant if they’re not doing it in front of kids. She’s trying to make her bloke sound worse.

I feel sorry for the guy.

Sunflowers211 · 26/08/2019 18:14

Smoking is illegal on premises, I thought the same exaggerating the thread to suit her narrative. Sorry @2unicorns but its a one off, if it isn't and there is a massive drip feed of him having a history of doing this, my next question would be why have you remained with him?

Apileofballyhoo · 26/08/2019 18:15

I would have been freaking out too, OP but probably much later on, unless he has form for this kind of thing. I wouldn't have had a problem with him keeping her out till 9ish, but I certainly would with the level you've described.

AmateurSwami · 26/08/2019 18:17

It’s hard to know without projecting. My dad used to take me to the rugby club and leave me hungry, no food or drink for hours on end while he got steadily more pissed, before he’d drunk drive me home. It was terrifying.

So it depends on what your husband is generally like.

CloudyWithAChance2 · 26/08/2019 18:18

I don’t want to shit on you too much, but I suspect you know you’re wrong which is why you’ve come on here looking for support.

Shoxfordian · 26/08/2019 18:20

I agree with Cloudy
If you can't trust him to look after your child though then it's not going to work

notapizzaeater · 26/08/2019 18:23

Having Been in many clubs over the years it's unfortunately a one off offence. Is there a past history ? How was your daughter. Tbh ringing his dad would have been too much though.

Windydaysuponus · 26/08/2019 18:24

What sort of drunk is your dh? My exh was a twat and I would never have accepted he be around the dc drinking.
My under 18 dc have never seen me drink alcohol -

Original poster
2unicorns · 26/08/2019 18:27

Wow ok I didnt expect a backlash like that. He was drunk, he doesnt know when to stop is the problem. He says he was coming home but he wasnt. I wasnt ringing excessively until he rejected my first call at 9pm.

I was not jealous of him being out.. I have a 2 year old who was in bed at 7pm. I was happy watching my programme.

My point was am I over reacting about him being drunk and in charge of a 5 year old!!!

He isnt particularly nice when hes drunk. My daughter told me when she got home she asked to go home a couple of times. She told me she walked into a lady holding a cigarette and it left a mark on her skin.

He doesnt know how to stop drinking when he starts.

The walk home is very dark and no lighting from the cricket pitch room until the main road for at least half a mile. My daughter was in a pair of shorts and t shirt.

I guess the problem with asking these questions is that you dont know my husband really lol. The question was about being drunk and in charge of a child nothing else but of course I needed to put abit of background into it...

OP posts: