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Original poster

Am I over reacting... husband takes put 5 year old.

206 replies

2unicorns · 26/08/2019 17:56

So yesterday my husband said there was a family charity fun day in the local pitch where we live. Our housing area is beside it but to gain access to it it's the long way around about a 5-10min walk. So he took the 5 year old over, I stayed at home with youngest because I'd so much washing to catch up on

I thought they would be home teatime.. no sign. They had dinner there.. bbq so it was approaching 7pm/7.30 and I reminded him that she was due a bath and that she had to come home. He reassured me that she was fine and playing a game of cricket with other kids.. 8pm/8.30 im ringing him to tell him to get her home. He starts rejecting my calls between that time. He starts texting me to say he cant talk right now, my alarm bells start ringing. When he did answer his phone in his pocket it sounds like he was inside and there was lots of noise like you would be at a bar.. he hits the phone and I can her him talking clearly sounds like hes been drinking. You know that slurred sound.

So I'm ringing and texting and hes ignoring me. Its pitch black and I know their walk home isnt going to be easy if hes been drinking. Open river etc..

So I phone his dad.. I cant leave the house because the youngest is in bed sleeping.

His dad does with my SIL and she goes in and lifts my daughter and takes her out into the car he follows and comes home. I can see from when he gets home the way he is swaying and slurring he is very drunk.

Am I wrong for being worried, frantic , ringing his dad to come and help. He says there were other kids there he doesnt seem to understand the dangers he put our daughter in. I've already told him it's an arrestable offence as hes drunk and in charge of a child under 7.

Hes saying I'm over reacting, I'm a control freak trying to keep them indoors. I'm at the end of my tether to explain to him anything could have happened to her. I mean she didnt get to bed and asleep until 11pm and she goes back to school tomorrow/Tuesday.

I've never seen my parents drunk when I was younger. She was among smoking adults, I dont smoke. I just dont like the fact she was in an establishment like that even tho it was closed room for the charity function.

He keeps telling me he didn't have much to drink.. that he was finishing up and heading home as his dad turned up but I dont believe him this morning he was apologetic and realised he was wrong and it was irresponsible for him to do that...

Now hes basically saying it was fine and there was no danger that it's me with the problem of being overbearing and over reacting. I just dont know what else to say to him. I've been off with him all day I've not spoken to him only if I've had to.

I'm just so shocked that he doesnt see it as a problem Confused

OP posts:
Atlasta · 26/08/2019 18:55

I'd feel as you do OP. In fact I've been in a similar situation and in a a situation like this I'd have rang family to help out too and if no family nearby I'd have got DC out of bed and gone to find DH and DD myself.
I wouldn't expect them to be out at a family fun day from 1pm until 10pm and especially not answering calls would really have me worried.

StarlingsInSummer · 26/08/2019 18:56

Christ, I don’t know what’s wrong with people today! I think he was really out of order. It’s way too late to get a five year old home after a day out, and I don’t think much at all of any parent who’d get drunk while in in sole charge of a young child. It’s quite different having a couple of drinks when you’re with family and there’s a few of you keeping an eye out for all your kids. I’d be furious if DH did this.

FelixFelicis6 · 26/08/2019 18:56

All these people saying you are ott...either they are very lax and irresponsible parents or in the same situation they wouldn’t like it either. They just can’t imagine it.

Being that drunk whilst in charge of such a young child is of course shitty. I can’t believe people are defending that!!

Hennysmommy · 26/08/2019 18:58

Let the poor man have a drink.. Yes he got drunk.. smack his hands, tell him his naughty and send him to bed 😂 if your DD was enjoying herself playing with other children then let her enjoy the time before she goes back to school all day. Does he work? Support your family? Contribute to the household pot and bills? If this is the case then the man is entitled to enjoy himself, go out for a social event, have a drink just as much as you are.

Kdubs1981 · 26/08/2019 18:58

Another mental Mumsnet thread. It what universe is this acceptable behaviour?

OP I think your error was putting this on AIBU.

People on here are getting more batshit by the week. And nasty.

Kdubs1981 · 26/08/2019 18:59

Jesus. Just realised this IS on relationships. Wow

category12 · 26/08/2019 19:02

He undoubtedly shouldn't have got drunk - but getting his dad etc was way over the top and designed to shame him. Maybe he deserves shaming (although it doesn't sound like it's worked), but it's a whole lot of drama for everybody.

Original poster
2unicorns · 26/08/2019 19:03

Thank you for your reply. I mean as you say. My parents have had a pint or 2 when on holiday with us at dinner in pubs. We've been together as a family to pubs with the kids for lunch and had a wine or so,

But to everyone else i didn't ask was it ok to have one or two drinks.. I asked was it ok to be drunk. Drunk is drunk.. there is either sober or drunk and he wasnt sober.

I'm going to finish this thread.. sometimes when you type a question and it's so long winded you dont want to bombard it with info so I kept it basic to my question.

I'm sorry if you all think I'm giving different stories or adding bits in it happens.

I asked one simple question that is all Sad

Thanks to everyone who responded.

OP posts:
StillMe1 · 26/08/2019 19:03

I thought there was a Police charge for being drunk in charge of a child. How drunk was he? Would you say he reeled along the road or was he ok to drive and use a drill for example
I would hope that a Police officer or Lawyer would be along to make comment

CloudyWithAChance2 · 26/08/2019 19:04

It what universe is this acceptable behaviour?

Which behaviour specifically is unacceptable just so I’m clear?

LittlefairyMum · 26/08/2019 19:04

You were calling him all day by the sounds of it Hmm

You totally overreacted IMO

Give the man a break! I'd say he needs it.

CloudyWithAChance2 · 26/08/2019 19:05

there is either sober or drunk and he wasnt sober.

Absolute garbage.

CalamityJune · 26/08/2019 19:06

I don't think you overreacted. 9pm is late for a 5yo who has been out all day in the sun and he should not have been drunk. One drink is different.

I would not be surprised if the repeated ringing maybe made him dig his heels in. Plenty of men I know would take that attitude if they felt they were being 'nagged'. I am not sure they would do so whilst in charge of a child though.

MamaNewtNewt · 26/08/2019 19:06

Wow I can't believe the posts saying you are overreacting. I really, really don't think you are. Being drunk when you are the sole person responsible for watching a five year old child is appalling and dangerous. I'd find that very hard to forgive.

As some have said you possibly were slightly, and I do mean slightly, unreasonable to call so often requesting they came home but to be fair you were right - look at what did happen. And the idea some have mentioned that he was reacting to your calls and this in any way justifies his behaviour is frankly bizarre. If your DH's reaction to you (possibly) making a few too many calls was to get drunk while in charge of your child that is pathetic and worrying.

53rdWay · 26/08/2019 19:07

Which behaviour specifically is unacceptable just so I’m clear?

Getting so drunk you're 'swaying and slurring' and pissing all over the floor while out somewhere in sole charge of a 5-year-old?

53rdWay · 26/08/2019 19:08

Where the fuck do all the 'give the poor man a breaaaaaaaak' posters live where it's totally fine to take your 5-year-old out with you while you get hammered? Oh, but she was pestering him on the phone so of COURSE it's fine to do that Hmm

Original poster
2unicorns · 26/08/2019 19:09

I am not a nasty person.. far from it.

I don't know you just like you dont know me.

My husband was drunk, drunk , pissed, slurred speech, falling into things drunk. Swaying drunk.. how else can you be drunk?? Not one or 2 drinks.. more than that way more than that. The drunk as you see people wasted on the tv FFS

I was never denying him a damn drink!!

He was DRUNK.

Clearly you all think it's ok to be rat faced and look after your kids.. no wonder this world is so messed up..

OP posts:
CloudyWithAChance2 · 26/08/2019 19:10

What planet do people live on thinking the spectrum of being under the influence of alcohol goes from sober to “drunk”?
What does “drunk” mean?
There’s a big difference between being tipsy or slurring words or merry and then being paralytic drunk to the point you can’t look after your own kid.

People have jumped on one person’s definition of “drunk”.

category12 · 26/08/2019 19:12

On the contrary, I've said about three times it's not OK for him to get drunk - I just don't agree with the way you handled it.

What are you going to do, going forward? Does he acknowledge he's a problem drinker?

53rdWay · 26/08/2019 19:12

People have 'jumped on' the OP's description, which involved swaying, slurring and pissing all over the floor. But yes, do carry on haranguing her for being a meanie nag for thinking he perhaps shouldn't have done this with the 5-year-old in tow and was only doing it to Ruin His Fun.

Original poster
2unicorns · 26/08/2019 19:13

I never said he was tipsy I said he was drunk!!

Drunk, swaying, slurred speech, not being able to stand straight.. he pissed all over the downstairs toilet in our house because he couldn't stand straight enough to piss in the damn toilet drunk!!!

OP posts:
LittlefairyMum · 26/08/2019 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CloudyWithAChance2 · 26/08/2019 19:13

My husband was drunk, drunk , pissed, slurred speech, falling into things drunk. Swaying drunk.. how else can you be drunk?? Not one or 2 drinks.. more than that way more than that. The drunk as you see people wasted on the tv FFS

He gets more intoxicated the more this thread goes on. Thanks for the definition though - now it’s clear. He was definitely drunk.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 26/08/2019 19:16

Slurring and swaying and bringing a 5 year old home at 9 after a long day is way out of order.

Yes, calling so much was more than ideal, but he could have responded properly like an adult (and avoided getting wasted in charge of a small child like an adult).

Don't know where all this 'give the man a break' posters are coming from either, expect lots of people with too much time on their hands come bank holiday.

Kaykay06 · 26/08/2019 19:16

Why, if he wanted to stay out and it wasn’t far couldn’t he have just brought her back and wandered back over.
Sounds like a bit of a dick, that’s a long time to be out for 5 and probably chilly to walk home if she was dressed for a sunny day.
I would’ve been annoyed with his lack of judgement too. He is welcome to drink/get drunk but when in charge of your child it’s very irresponsible