Am I over reacting... husband takes put 5 year old.

[2unicorns]

So yesterday my husband said there was a family charity fun day in the local pitch where we live. Our housing area is beside it but to gain access to it it's the long way around about a 5-10min walk. So he took the 5 year old over, I stayed at home with youngest because I'd so much washing to catch up on

I thought they would be home teatime.. no sign. They had dinner there.. bbq so it was approaching 7pm/7.30 and I reminded him that she was due a bath and that she had to come home. He reassured me that she was fine and playing a game of cricket with other kids.. 8pm/8.30 im ringing him to tell him to get her home. He starts rejecting my calls between that time. He starts texting me to say he cant talk right now, my alarm bells start ringing. When he did answer his phone in his pocket it sounds like he was inside and there was lots of noise like you would be at a bar.. he hits the phone and I can her him talking clearly sounds like hes been drinking. You know that slurred sound.

So I'm ringing and texting and hes ignoring me. Its pitch black and I know their walk home isnt going to be easy if hes been drinking. Open river etc..

So I phone his dad.. I cant leave the house because the youngest is in bed sleeping.

His dad does with my SIL and she goes in and lifts my daughter and takes her out into the car he follows and comes home. I can see from when he gets home the way he is swaying and slurring he is very drunk.

Am I wrong for being worried, frantic , ringing his dad to come and help. He says there were other kids there he doesnt seem to understand the dangers he put our daughter in. I've already told him it's an arrestable offence as hes drunk and in charge of a child under 7.

Hes saying I'm over reacting, I'm a control freak trying to keep them indoors. I'm at the end of my tether to explain to him anything could have happened to her. I mean she didnt get to bed and asleep until 11pm and she goes back to school tomorrow/Tuesday.

I've never seen my parents drunk when I was younger. She was among smoking adults, I dont smoke. I just dont like the fact she was in an establishment like that even tho it was closed room for the charity function.

He keeps telling me he didn't have much to drink.. that he was finishing up and heading home as his dad turned up but I dont believe him this morning he was apologetic and realised he was wrong and it was irresponsible for him to do that...

Now hes basically saying it was fine and there was no danger that it's me with the problem of being overbearing and over reacting. I just dont know what else to say to him. I've been off with him all day I've not spoken to him only if I've had to.

I'm just so shocked that he doesnt see it as a problem

I havent rtft as gave up on the nastyness and pedantry directed at OP. Geez some you must think you are Poirot or something. Were all adults we know the difference between tipsy and drunk! Stop analysing the semantics!
I am quite sure if he had picked up the phone and not slurred his words and just said we have popped into the social club for a bit, she wouldnt have made this thread. It would have just been a perfectly normal occurence.
But it is wrong to be drunk in charge of a small child. My dad was and is a binge drinker / mild alcoholic and my mum couldnt trust him in care of us kids without her. Driving paralytic with us in car etc.
Its no fun.
Anyway, i hope he is mortified now and wont worry OP so much in future.
World of difference between spoiling fun and just ensuring your child is safe.

Fucking hell. Fucking. Hell. This thread is mental. Perhaps it just reflects the fucked up attitudes to drinking in this country though. I would be devestated actually if my dh did this. He loves a beer and has the odd one or two in front of the kids but I can't imagine he'd ever go out and get that drunk when in charge of them. So drunk that he forgot or didn't give a shit that his child needed to get to bed for school the next day. So drunk that he couldn't have walked home safely.

I'm not surprised op was ringing loads. Her mum spidey senses were understandably going off when a trip to a fun day went on so long and so late and then she was getting fobbed off by her dh.

One of the most upsetting things I saw last year was a father and son at a Christmas fair and he was plastered. Properly staggering around, unable to speak properly drunk. His young child was bawling his eyes out trying to hold his dad up. I brought them to the attention of security there who - quite rightly-called the police. This was the op's husband last night - what his poor kid must have made of it I dread to think :(

Bloody hell id be apocalyptic!!!

My dad was and is a binge drinker / mild alcoholic and my mum couldnt trust him in care of us kids without her. Driving paralytic with us in car etc.
Its no fun.

WTF has this got to do with the man in question?
Some of you lot are fucking pathetic drawing comparisons between alcoholics/irresponsible drunk parents and this guy on the basis of this one side of the story.

This is part 2 of my final thought by the way.

Looks like you need to have some serious words op. If this is a recurring situation and it's causing problems in your relationship then you need to decide if it's a relationship worth sticking with. FWIW in spite of a bit of confusion about the 'arrestable offence' comment and you wanting to show him he was wrong which I found a bit odd, I wouldn't be happy with that crap either but as I said up thread there's a difference between a one off and a consistent pattern of behaviour. If he's got form and this behaviour then results in neglectful behaviour towards your dd then you've got a bigger problem than just one drunken day out.

The constant ringing by a partner is a red flag for me. Missing bath time to spend extra time at an event is absolutely fine.

What’s not fine imo is drinking whilst in charge of a child or children. I’m not sure I could forgive that.

Oh come on guys give the op a break

He didn’t say hey will take dd to a fun day but I am going to be out super late past her bed time

Op was worried / hence first call.

He said she is playing cricket ... op wants her back ... it’s now past her bed time ... the kids I know are miserable if they miss out on sleep and harder to handle the next day, her husband hasn’t even said he was doing this .. he ignores her as a response ... that’s gonna get your goat no?

You have visions of a shattered child and the misery of the next day they have been out for 7 hours ... the child is 5 years old ... that’s a long bloody day and a lot of fun time

But it’s no longer about the child is it her husband is having a beers ... the op
May have spoiled his fun but all he needed to do was drop dd off and head back to the pub ... no hardship at all.

Or have had a conversation before hand

At the end of it the reason he turned his phone off was because he was doing something he shouldn’t

He sounds like a dick. The fact that she had school the next day is reason enough not to keep her out. It’s not like it was the middle of the summer holidays. Kids need to be able to concentrate at school and that requires a good nights sleep.

It’s also totally irresponsible to be drunk and in charge of a child. It’s dangerous and sets a very bad example to her.

@CloudyWithAChance2

It has everything to do with it? Im empathising with her situation. He was in charge of a child and allowed himself to get that drunk! It's just a fucking parallel sorry for caring. If you think its ok to be smashed in charge of a child then great good for you but personally i would rather err on the side of caution and not get more than at the most mildly tipsy! Hopefully this incident is just a one off. We all make mistakes.

The fact that she had school the next day

She didn’t have school the next day. But let’s not let the facts get in the way.

Can't believe the amount of people excusing this.

Even if it was just a one off it is NEVER acceptable to me to be drunk or even tipsy in charge of a 5 year old.

My DS is 6 and I've never had more than 2 drinks when I'm in sole charge of him. I think it's horrible seeing drunk adults with young children. It's never OK..

I am probably projecting because of seeing my father take drugs in front of me as a child but I would never do anything to compromise my ability to properly look after my child.

OP I don't think YABU at all and I'd react exactly the same as you.

CloudyWithAChance2, do you genuinely think it's fine to get that drunk when in sole charge of a 5-year-old then?

do you genuinely think it's fine to get that drunk when in sole charge of a 5-year-old then?

I don’t know what “that drunk” means as there are so many holes in the OP’s claims and story it’s difficult to know how drunk this guy was.
Do I think it’s acceptable to be completely pissed drunk having lost control looking after a 5 year old?
No of course not it’s completely unacceptable.

But anyone claiming that parents drinking with kids is unusual behaviour is living in a cocoon. I see it every year on holiday and it’s extremely common to see parents have a good drink with kids and still be responsible

I think you need to make it clear to DH that taking a 5 yr old child to an event and drinking to excess whilst being in sole charge of the child is exceptionally foolhardy behaviour. I don't know how you move forward with this unless DH apologises and agrees that this was a one-off occurrence and he won't make a similar error of judgement in future.

There are a lot of low level alcoholics posting on Mumsnet, who think concepts such as wine o'clock and a nightly glass of Gin is perfectly normal, when it really isn't.

My dad was an alcoholic and accidentally left me somewhere as a baby, when he was supposed to be looking after me. Mum didn't leave him in charge of me after that episode.

You've got issues cloudy. You are absolutely desperate to legitimise what the op's husband has done. I guess there's a reason for that. Plenty of great supportive threads on here for people with alcohol dependency. Just saying.

@CloudyWithAChance2

Holes in the claims?
The very fact that he was drunk/tipsy/smashed/whateverthefuckyawannacallit enough to SLUR his words is enough. I dont understand why trying desperately to pick "holes" in someones account is more important than this simple fact?

@CloudyWithAChance2 I never once said anywhere that I deemed in unacceptable to have a couple of drinks in front of kids, my request was not about my husband having a casual pint whilst in charge of my daughter.. if that was the case I wouldn't be here asking advice would I

You seem to want to pick holes in my story. That's fine but since you've read it to you've memorized every word said then you would come to realise what my thread was about..

And as you've clearly stated that you agree its unacceptable to be drunk in charge of a child why are so you determined on bringing my question down. I said he was drunk, if I meant he was drunk I mean he was drunk. If I meant he was tipsy i would have said he was tipsy. Or he had 1 or 2 drinks.. did I say that?? As you seem to know more about my question than I do maybe you just assumed I meant drunk when I meant tipsy? Nah I'm old enough to the know the difference by now.

What is it they say, assumption is the mother of all fuck ups.. so let me just say dont assume you know what I meant to say and read it for what it is... I said drunk, I meant drunk, he was drunk ok? And it's great that you finally agree with me

I would be upset and given his past history I can see
Why you were
Ringing him. I won't pretend I haven't had the odd drink I. From of my children I think it's
Good to show they healthy drinking

Your partner
Was out of order here!

OP, I'm with you. I'd go mad to. That's far too late and for him getting so drunk is disgraceful. Hope DD is ol

Cloudy I'm sure the OP can assess how drunk her own husband was and clearly it was a level that she feels is unacceptable.

In the short time I’ve been here I’ve noticed a worrying correlation between the type of overbearing women (in terms of behaviour and personality traits) who create these type of threads and the ones who create the all too common threads entitled “Devastated. DH has left me for OW.”

Hope my observation is incorrect.

@CloudyWithAChance2

You rather rudely said WTF did my comment about my drunk father have to do with this. I say WTF has your comment got to do with this scenario. How nasty and unnecessary to imply OP driving partner to cheat.

Oh so now when a husband is cheating it’s his wife fault for being overbearing @CloudyWithAChance2?

It gets better and better.....

@CloudyWithAChance2 well I can honestly say I'm not a serial poster. I have never asked advice about this sort of thing before. Most of my problems I sort myself I'm a big girl, more so I was concerned that my husband last night didnt seem to think it was a cause for concern.

I was merely asking out of the thought of is it actually acceptable or is my husband just being a Dick and clearly he was being an irresponsible dick with no concerns of safety because he was merrily drunk, isnt that what happens when your drunk your rational response to things disappears which is why we have so many drink related deaths. I do not socialise alot. I do not drink excessively and never have done from my legal age to drink and as I have never really came across an issue like this before I thought I could ask here.. I thought I would ask other peoples opinions.

Clearly half of this post think hes fine to get drunk and look after his kids but I disagree and I wanted some advice on what people thoughts were regarding this so I could best explain to him that it's not ok.

Oh so now when a husband is cheating it’s his wife fault for being overbearing

Not just overbearing. It will probably be the mistrust and overly dramatic reactions as well, but yes.