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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I over reacting... husband takes put 5 year old.

206 replies

2unicorns · 26/08/2019 17:56

So yesterday my husband said there was a family charity fun day in the local pitch where we live. Our housing area is beside it but to gain access to it it's the long way around about a 5-10min walk. So he took the 5 year old over, I stayed at home with youngest because I'd so much washing to catch up on

I thought they would be home teatime.. no sign. They had dinner there.. bbq so it was approaching 7pm/7.30 and I reminded him that she was due a bath and that she had to come home. He reassured me that she was fine and playing a game of cricket with other kids.. 8pm/8.30 im ringing him to tell him to get her home. He starts rejecting my calls between that time. He starts texting me to say he cant talk right now, my alarm bells start ringing. When he did answer his phone in his pocket it sounds like he was inside and there was lots of noise like you would be at a bar.. he hits the phone and I can her him talking clearly sounds like hes been drinking. You know that slurred sound.

So I'm ringing and texting and hes ignoring me. Its pitch black and I know their walk home isnt going to be easy if hes been drinking. Open river etc..

So I phone his dad.. I cant leave the house because the youngest is in bed sleeping.

His dad does with my SIL and she goes in and lifts my daughter and takes her out into the car he follows and comes home. I can see from when he gets home the way he is swaying and slurring he is very drunk.

Am I wrong for being worried, frantic , ringing his dad to come and help. He says there were other kids there he doesnt seem to understand the dangers he put our daughter in. I've already told him it's an arrestable offence as hes drunk and in charge of a child under 7.

Hes saying I'm over reacting, I'm a control freak trying to keep them indoors. I'm at the end of my tether to explain to him anything could have happened to her. I mean she didnt get to bed and asleep until 11pm and she goes back to school tomorrow/Tuesday.

I've never seen my parents drunk when I was younger. She was among smoking adults, I dont smoke. I just dont like the fact she was in an establishment like that even tho it was closed room for the charity function.

He keeps telling me he didn't have much to drink.. that he was finishing up and heading home as his dad turned up but I dont believe him this morning he was apologetic and realised he was wrong and it was irresponsible for him to do that...

Now hes basically saying it was fine and there was no danger that it's me with the problem of being overbearing and over reacting. I just dont know what else to say to him. I've been off with him all day I've not spoken to him only if I've had to.

I'm just so shocked that he doesnt see it as a problem Confused

OP posts:
buckeejit · 31/08/2019 13:05

Yabu. It isn't great but 5 pints for a man isn't awful. I've been drunk & in charge of my kids - we go to festivals & ive had more than that. You sound really resentful of him & suspect there are other issues. I'd be forgiving if my dh did this & say next time if you want to stay out drinking, call me early to pick up DD. Do you think he would have been comfortable saying this to you?

ALoadOfTwaddle · 31/08/2019 14:53

I've been drunk & in charge of my kids - we go to festivals & ive had more than that.

In the nicest possible way, just because his behaviour isn't as irresponsible as that of others, doesn't mean it's not irresponsible.

Also, different people metabolise alcohol at different rates. 5 pints can render some people paralytic (or he may have lied about how much he consumed).

dontdoubtyourself · 31/08/2019 16:30

Cloudy you are absolutely batshit.

SusieQwhereareyou · 31/08/2019 19:45

I can’t believe some of the responses, but like some others on the thread, I was married to and had children with an alcoholic and I have anxiety just thinking about it!
Everyone is different when they’ve been drinking. My ex would not have been capable of looking after a 5 year old after 5 pints, he’d have been battered. not answering the phone is an arsehole things to do.
The fact OP posted about this in the first place means she has reasons to be concerned. If he was the type of guy who could drink with kids about and still remain sensible and capable, she wouldn’t be so upset.

Jeezoh · 31/08/2019 20:04

This thread confirms my long held belief that this site has a vocal minority of posters who are deliberately obtuse and post contrary opinions for their own entertainment.

Being in sole charge of a young child when drunk is unacceptable by any reasonable standards. You’re not wrong OP, your OH was and I hope he’s realised this today.

SVRT19674 · 31/08/2019 21:29

I think you are right. Was she properly fed during all those hours or was he just thinking of himself? My husband brought our 8 month old an hour and a half late, she had red eyes from tiredness and hadn't had h we bottle on time. I went ballistic. His answer was that he knew I would fly off the handle. Well, why do it then?

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