He was definitely doing what I think he was doing, wasn’t he?

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

DH went to bed before me this evening. He has a heavy cold and was coughing a lot and generally miserable. Our bedroom is above sitting room and has a wooden floor and squeaky bed so I could hear every time he tossed and turned. After about half an hour I noticed the noise getting more rhythmic....I guess he stoped turning and just concentrated on the tossing...

Eurgh. We haven’t had sex in weeks (toddler, illness, tiredness etc- our relationship is fine). I feel sad that he did that instead of asking me to come up to bed with him, and pretty grossed out to be honest. I know he was probably just trying to get to sleep but.... eurgh.

(I am not averse to a bit of self- pleasure myself but only when alone in the house).

How the hell do you manage to sleep in a bed so squeaky that a wank can be detected from downstairs?

I don't understand why you're so bothered by it. It's normal, and he obviously assumed he was doing it discreetly.

I would be a little concerned that he'd done some damage to himself if he's making that much noise...unless ... could he have been humping the pillows??

Man has wank shocker.

If you issue is that he has completely abandoned the idea of sex with you in favour of wanking - well, that needs addressing. Otherwise you’re being a bit silly.

Just as an aside.

When I first got with my ex every now and then he used to wake me up in the middle of the night because I could feel him rhythmically moving next to me and making a guttural noise. I was convinced he was wanking so I would keep my eyes shut and just be in silent shock til he stopped.

Wasn't til I was with him quite a while that I actually found out (by opening my eyes lol) that he had one finger in his ear and was doing a weird thing with his throat ?!?! Apparently an itchy throat in your sleep will cause you to do this.

True story. He was odd, but not a wanker as such

Why shouldn't he have a wank in his bed? As long as he cleans up afterwards

I'm with the majority here: he's a grown man having a wank in his own house. If you want sex, you go get it, but given he's ill a little comfortwank is more the order of the day really imo!

OK. I can understand a vague embarrassment around hearing something that is clearly meant to be private. But I don't understand finding it gross. We all do it. There's nothing disgusting about it.

I get it. He hasn’t initiated sex with you for a long time and he seems to prefer this option, which is hurtful. But tbh, he’s ill, sleepless and what he did was perfectly normal. Don’t take it as a rejection. When he’s better, get your sex life back on track but don’t mention this and don’t fret about it.

This is so not a big deal - ok it might have been big but we aren't privy to that information

Your husband is a wanker

Why didn't you join him if you felt left out?

YABU.

Everyone has the right to masturbate. It’s totally reasonable for a couple to talk about sex and masturbation. I wouldn’t be thrilled about my partner having a wank when we haven’t had sex for weeks, but I can’t imagine that happening anyway.

If you have a problem with the fact that you weren’t involved, get involved next time. If you have a problem with him having a wank, get over yourself.

Some of these comments are hilarious though 😂 especially tightening the nuts

You said yourself you hadn't had sex in weeks because of various reasons.

On this occasion you would have gone up to bed with him if he had asked? With a stinking cold?

I would hazard a guess and say not, he probably knew that and thought sorting himself out would be better than getting knocked back.

It's no drama

Just tell him to do something about the squeaking.

Your kid will also hear you.

I absolutely refuse to believe that the average married couple chat regularly about wanking. And I know that he doesn’t like it when I hear him on the toilet- he has told me this.

Really OP?

This is the sort of stuff that DP and I talk about quite openly. Why wouldn't you? It's not something that you need to be embarrassed about, sometimes it's just stress relief!

My bed does this when I file my feet...

YABU

This isn’t AIBU.

May have been posted in relationships, but the OP is unreasonable. I see you’re back 🙄

Why do you find it ‘gross’?

Weird that you think it can only be done in an empty house!

You sound really uptight about sex, maybe some counselling would help

I see you’re back
What do you mean by that @Derbee?

Good grief he can have a wank, now if it's affecting sex then that's an issue...if it was just a one off and he had a cold or man flu or whatever, then that fine. Why you embarrassed by it? When I was married I knew my ex would wank and he knew I did, we were fairly open same with all my relationships except maybe when I was in my late teens and it was sort of taboo but you're in a relationship you should be open to everything about your man just as he should be about you. Just relax but as I said, if it affects sex then that's an issue...not on team LTB straight away...but I would get there. That's just selfish!

Lweji toddler’s room is above ours, the sound only travels downwards through the floor.

To lighten the mood a little, I used to think my dh was having a wank in the shower every morning by the rhythmic wet slapping sounds. Then one day he left the door open and I realised he was slapping shaving gel on his face! (I didn't mind when I thought he was wanking though).

Why would you want someone with a heavy snotty cold breathing and coughing all over you. It's normal so forget about it.