He was definitely doing what I think he was doing, wasn’t he?

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

DH went to bed before me this evening. He has a heavy cold and was coughing a lot and generally miserable. Our bedroom is above sitting room and has a wooden floor and squeaky bed so I could hear every time he tossed and turned. After about half an hour I noticed the noise getting more rhythmic....I guess he stoped turning and just concentrated on the tossing...

Eurgh. We haven’t had sex in weeks (toddler, illness, tiredness etc- our relationship is fine). I feel sad that he did that instead of asking me to come up to bed with him, and pretty grossed out to be honest. I know he was probably just trying to get to sleep but.... eurgh.

(I am not averse to a bit of self- pleasure myself but only when alone in the house).

Yep he was having a wank OP. Would you really have wanted sex with him?

I wouldn’t think anything of it if it was my dp. It really is a non issue. I wonder how you would feel if he posted on a Internet forum about your toilet habits or such. Poor man.

You are missing out on so much in life OP. Something tells me that 69 is just another number to you.

Everyone on here claiming they’re so liberal but I bet anyone I asked would feel exactly the same the same as you OP. I know I would

So do you think everyone is lying? To what purpose?

I used to have a long distance relationship. We would video call and one thing would lead to another. Great fun. I mean if it would gross you out fair enough, but it genuinely doesn't bother some people to masturbate in front of their partner. if you're open and intimate with one another it's just part of that. Doesn't suit everyone but it really isn't some made up claim to be fine with it when we're not.

Don’t be ridiculous. He’s not doing any harm.

It was a wank. Not a murder. People wank, OP, it's just a part of life. Like farting. It's incomparable to sex IMO. Probably helped him to drop off, always helps me if I can't fall asleep.

I’d be really pissed off in your position OP, well only if he left a wet patch on my side of the bed.

If he used tissue (and hopefully didn’t blow his nose on it afterwards) I’d just let him crack on

God - my DH has terrible insomnioa and so often has a wank at 2 am to try and get bacl to sleep. Totally normal I thought. Sometimes I help him out, other times I tease him by waiting until he is done then patting him and saying 'better now hun?'.

I can't see the issue!

If you do it then it's a bit of a s**y double standard alone in the house or not.

You're really reading far too much into this.

This has been pure gold.

That said, there are plenty of couples with the attitudes to sex and masturbation that you and your husband share, and the opinion of the rest of us on that, doesn't really matter. He probably was getting off, but to my knowledge that's a biiiiiiiiig thing for men when poorly or hungover, and part of that I imagine is because they feel far too gross to be asking for no-effort-on-their-part, more-of-a-service-than-an-intimate-activity, sex that they almost have to say "please" for because they're all poorly and pitiful (and adorably unsexy).

Re the bed, it doesn't sound like your dynamic allows for you to comfortably bring it up at all, so just next time he takes himself to bed before you (or if that doesn't happen, go get water from the kitchen or something!), say that you can hear the bed every time he moves and you'll just haaaave to get the floorboards sorted.

Good luck!

would you really want a snot ridden man going at you like the clappers?

This was on page one and I haven't stopped laughing yet.
Pure gold

I think you’re all being a bit harsh. Aardvaark is allowed to feel what she feels! But honestly @ArgumentativeAardvaark, I can see you might have felt a bit awkward, but I definitely would not think twice about it. To a lot of people, it is literally just like scratching an itch. No deep thought goes into “should I or shouldn’t I? Maybe I should involve my other half in this” it just gets done. Bisch Bosch bash. I once came home early and snuck in so quietly, wanting to give my other half a scare. Couldn’t find him, snuck upstairs and there he was having a wank in bed haha! I was only 21 at the time and really took it to heart. A few years down the line and I now find it hilarious but at the time I just didn’t understand the male species’ love of frequent wanking

It could be worse - I know a girl that caught her bf wanking in the bed NEXT TO HER! Now that’s lazy.

Maybe you could leave a tin of WD40 by the bed as it helps with all squeaky parts.

Seriously, I do sympathise with OP about hearing it. It's one thing accepting your partner will masturbate and that it's perfectly natural, but somehow listening to it when they are unaware that they're being listened to in a private moment is the thing that makes OP cringe and I can understand that.

Oh good god this thread has been a delight ... so many laughs haha. Honestly op your husband had a wank like everyone else does. The fact that you two have never discussed masturbation seems unusual to me but I suppose we all have different boundaries. I think you're missing a trick though, nothing better than masturbating with your partner, all the fun of sex with half the mess and no risk of pregnancy etc. I find it hard to believe you've never discussed it and yeah I think for most couples it's a normal thing to talk about at least occasionally! I usually tell my husband if I've had a particularly epic wank. I thought that was normal ... I'm doubting myself now

Not anything new to add to the discussion but still:
a) bed needs to be sorted
b) you can tell your husband that it squeaks without telling him that you heard him masturbate (just say you could hear him tossing and turning last night and that you had not realised that the bed had gotten that bad)
c) if the fact that your toddler might have heard you bothers you, you are in trouble. He/she will have no idea what the noise is but more importantly and to put an end to any further children, he/she will have heard each time you have had sex.
d) Talking about masturbation out of a sexual situation is not "dirty talk" - it is having a conversation
c) you need to consider if you both are happy with a situation in which you cannot share these details, mainly because not only does sex get better when you can tell another person openly about all your issues but also your body will change and you need to be able to tell him about it without blushing. It might be that you have no issues talking about sex but only blush about masturbation but then the question is if you want to go on like that. You have a toddler - you might end up not getting any for a long time if your base requirement is being all alone in the house.

Get some carpet and insulation on the bedroom floor so that you don't hear his activities.

My fella doesn't do it anymore (or is sneakier about it) as I seem to have a weird knack of catching him at it and then laughing my head off. Poor lad 😂

i can't imagine living with/having sex with someone who i couldn't bear to discuss or even acknowledge or be aware of things like having a wank. it must be hard work. particularly in a creaky house!

For goodness sake, sometimes you just need a quick relief without all the foreplay. Get over it love, there will come a time when you will be pleased he’s leaving you alone.

Wow. Your are upset as he had a wank in his bed on bis own in his own house? I'm sorry but it seems like the person with a problem is you. Personally I love a wank when I'm ill. If there are other issues then address them but this is ridiculous.

@JapaneseBirdPainting haha that’s exactly what I do! Although it tends to be when he’s woken up with the horn and I CBA to help out. I literally pat his head and say ‘better now?’

@Drabarni I agree

Yippee

Maybe you could leave a tin of WD40 by the bed as it helps with all squeaky parts.

Might sting a bit though.