He was definitely doing what I think he was doing, wasn’t he?

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

DH went to bed before me this evening. He has a heavy cold and was coughing a lot and generally miserable. Our bedroom is above sitting room and has a wooden floor and squeaky bed so I could hear every time he tossed and turned. After about half an hour I noticed the noise getting more rhythmic....I guess he stoped turning and just concentrated on the tossing...

Eurgh. We haven’t had sex in weeks (toddler, illness, tiredness etc- our relationship is fine). I feel sad that he did that instead of asking me to come up to bed with him, and pretty grossed out to be honest. I know he was probably just trying to get to sleep but.... eurgh.

(I am not averse to a bit of self- pleasure myself but only when alone in the house).

🤣🤣🤣

I’d have waited until he finished and then shouted ‘seVEN!’ up the stairs like Len Goodman.

We haven’t had sex in weeks

That's probably why, poor sod. Probably felt he couldn't ask you to join in anyway?

🤔

Of course married couples talk about wanking. Mine will have one in the bed next to me if I can't be arsed when he's horny, and I'm not the slightest bit bothered.

I think what is tickling ppl is the fact that a husband and wife would be embarrassed by it. But everyone has different boundaries and my dm/dd would be exactly the same. It's not something that I feel 'eurgh' about but I have 2 ds (teen and adult) as well as dh, so it would be beyond funny and just run of the mill!

Agree with some posters, just tell him bed is squeaky, without being specific, so he can fix it and I'm sure he will realise anyway (but may not realise that you know exactly what he was doing)!

It seems quite uptight to be bothered by this. Your updates about him not wanting you to masturbate during sex also seem quite old fashioned. I don't want to be judgemental and call out what is normal and what isn't. However I think it's quite common during penetrative sex to do a bit of masturbation. Lots of women don't orgasm from penetrative sex alone and in certain positions it's not easy for your partner to reach where you need.

Be embarrassed about what you are embarrassed about. However maybe it's worth thinking about whether you are both a little closed off?

OP" I absolutely refuse to believe that the average married couple chat regularly about wanking. And I know that he doesn’t like it when I hear him on the toilet- he has told me this"

Really. We talk about it whenever it comes up, on the tv, or in conversation, we really haven't got a problem, isn't it part of a healthy relationship...

Same, as toilet habits, i always walk in on him, when his having a number 2, if i have to tell him something, never important, one of us will often pee and the other one will be at the sink. We are very open, i wouldn't like it any other way ...

Everyone is different though obviously.

Its just a wank OP... No need to get stressed about it

@pooopypants a game of wank murder?!

Thing is OP, you’ve come on Mumsnet to tell us all how cringey it is and the vast majority of people have told you that their experience is that wanking just isn’t something to be embarrassed about. Did you honestly expect everybody else to clutch their pears and shriek in horror? You must have realised that at least some people might have different sexual norms to you.

And yes, another couple here who will happily discuss wanking and even give the other one a performance now and again.

TBH you both sound quite uptight. Is sex a lights off, under the duvet, generally silent affair?

@Thatsnotmyname4291 why on earth not!!

As a 40 something woman, I would have done exactly the same as him. Partner sex is really a non starter with a heavy cold. Masturbation needs are totally different anyway.

I masturbate regularly, I have 1:1 sex regularly. Why is either a big deal?