He was definitely doing what I think he was doing, wasn’t he?

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

DH went to bed before me this evening. He has a heavy cold and was coughing a lot and generally miserable. Our bedroom is above sitting room and has a wooden floor and squeaky bed so I could hear every time he tossed and turned. After about half an hour I noticed the noise getting more rhythmic....I guess he stoped turning and just concentrated on the tossing...

Eurgh. We haven’t had sex in weeks (toddler, illness, tiredness etc- our relationship is fine). I feel sad that he did that instead of asking me to come up to bed with him, and pretty grossed out to be honest. I know he was probably just trying to get to sleep but.... eurgh.

(I am not averse to a bit of self- pleasure myself but only when alone in the house).

I'd imagine most couples do talk about masturbation at some point or other. Most of my past partners have talked about it, and I have as well. Only one was shy on the matter, but didn't deny doing it.

But you don't tell him seriously. You make a joke of it.

All men do this from time to time . Maybe he thought you wouldnt want it. Because he had a cold.
Say you would have liked to be asked. Do it to youself in front of him and I bet he will join you.
It just pleasure.

I don't really see the problem? I'd not care at all. I find this so weird - it seems to be such a recurrent thread on Mumsnet. Surely you feel comfortable enough around your own husband to not feel embarrassed?!

But it’s not that embarrassing, it’s your husband. Tell him you could hear him. He’ll say oh dear, sorry about that. Then you’ll all move on with your lives...

This thread has cheered me right up today. Bloody hilarious.

I think it's really odd that you can't discuss this with your husband.

He might not even have been having a wank but you're whipping yourself up into puritanical upset because you can't bear addressing it. Surely you'll have to break the news to him that the bed squeaks at some point? Your toddler will eventually be old enough for it to be an issue.

Yes, he was definitely doing what you think. Your husband was lying in bed wanking. I know this for certain, don't ask me how.

Sorry to keep it so short, but I have to go off to dadsnet, where a man has just been wondering whether that could possibly be his wife posting online about his private wanking.

Your husband is a wanker

😂😂

Sorry but this post is hilarious 😂

If you can't even talk to your dh about the squeaky floorboards then that says more about your marriage than your husband wanking in what he thought was private.

So what if you heard him wanking?? I've walked in on my dh and burst out laughing .... it's making me laugh now! I still take the piss of that incident! We talk about masturbation - not every day or week but it does come up and neither are grossed out or embarrassed!

Meh men wank woman play both cum thats pretty much it

I know- THAT is the embarrassing part! He’d be mortified.

That's odd. It's not embarrassing. He would be mortified? Really? How do you manage a sexual relationship at all?

Have you tried tightening the nuts?
Maybe that's what he was trying to do

He has a heavy cold and was coughing a lot and generally miserable.

And you wanted to have sex with him? I refuse to even sleep in the same bed as DH if he has a cold, he can keep that all to himself. I would have thanked god he took care of it himself (although who feels up for it in any form with a cold stumps me) rather than expecting me to go within close proximity.

I would not dream of talking to him about his private masturbation, nor would I tell him about mine. That’s the point- I am uncomfortable that I knew what he was doing, and slightly embarrassed for him I think

I’m assuming you don’t ever indulge in a spot of mutual masturbation then?

But why didn't you join him?!

Sorry but I can’t even imagine you lifting your gowns and petticoats to show him your ankles without fainting with shame.

Take a time machine to 2019, leave the Victorian era and masturbate with him. You might get more sex.

I think OP is getting a hard (sorry!) time here 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe it's she & me that are uptight but I'd be embarrassed too! And I'd find it a bit..I dunno, awkward to hear.

I think I'd be ok having the conversation though. But I understand from OP her DH is shy & would be mortified with that conversation so I can see why it doesn't feel like the easiest thing to have the conversation.

I think PPs are being v judgy and think it's unfair to start deciding they've big problems or she's uptight about sex because of this.

Just tell him 'the squeeky bed really needs sorting along with the floor boards, you can hear EVERYTHING down stairs. If you want a hand just let me know 😉'

OP you have issues...

I would not dream of talking to him about his private masturbation, nor would I tell him about mine.

I would say it's extremely healthy to and would avoid situations like this, and probably give you a better sex life.

I absolutely refuse to believe that the average married couple chat regularly about wanking

Wrong... It's a very normal and healthy thing to do.

And I know that he doesn’t like it when I hear him on the toilet- he has told me this.

Why compare it to the toilet... you seem to think it's gross or dirty, when it's perfectly normal.

I thought you were going to be talking about a shifty stranger at the back of the bus or something. Man wanks in own bed is considerably less troubling than Wife tells the world all about it.

Mutual masturbation is not masturbation though- you are doing it to each other. Way back when we first met I suggested that I masturbate as part of sex, he wasn’t at all keen on that, said it made him feel inadequate that I had to help myself along.

Please just let your husband have a tug every now and then.
It's his home too.

It wasn’t me who compared it to the toilet, it was a pp who suggested comparing it to overheating him having a shit in order to make it seem more acceptable. I don’t think masturbation is wrong or dirty, I just don’t want to hear it!

Or talk about it. We don’t do dirty talk or sexting either.

I can't imagine being so uncomfortable about masturbation with my husband. You are married. You have sex. He's seen you naked. He's smelled your farts. He's heard you poo. He's seen your orgasm face. You know each other better than anyone else.

How are you so uncomfortable about this?!

If that was my DH I either would have ignored it and laughed about it with him later, or if I was miffed he was wanking instead of shagging me I would have gone up there and sat on his hard on. Problem solved.