He was definitely doing what I think he was doing, wasn’t he?

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

DH went to bed before me this evening. He has a heavy cold and was coughing a lot and generally miserable. Our bedroom is above sitting room and has a wooden floor and squeaky bed so I could hear every time he tossed and turned. After about half an hour I noticed the noise getting more rhythmic....I guess he stoped turning and just concentrated on the tossing...

Eurgh. We haven’t had sex in weeks (toddler, illness, tiredness etc- our relationship is fine). I feel sad that he did that instead of asking me to come up to bed with him, and pretty grossed out to be honest. I know he was probably just trying to get to sleep but.... eurgh.

(I am not averse to a bit of self- pleasure myself but only when alone in the house).

Maybe you should have gone up and finished him off lol

You should of banged on the ceiling with a broom op

Sometimes I CBA with sex, I'd rather just get myself off which I can do in under a minute without having to worry about anyone else.

I assume my DH probably feels the same sometimes, which is fine with me.

Way back when we first met I suggested that I masturbate as part of sex, he wasn’t at all keen on that, said it made him feel inadequate that I had to help myself along

How bizarre.

Way back when we first met I suggested that I masturbate as part of sex, he wasn’t at all keen on that, said it made him feel inadequate

Oh dear.

YABU.

It relaxes him and helps him sleep.

The whole thing sounds very uptight.

Tbh it sounds like he was horny but not wanting to inflict his cold on you.

That being said, I think I would also find it weird to overhear my husband having a wank. And I would hate for him to overhear me. So while I don't think he was unreasonable to do it, I don't think you're unreasonable to feel a bit weird about it either.

I sometimes intentionally get myself overheard while having a go. Saves on texting DP to come up to the boudoir when I have sticky hands :)

In the past, I’ve asked my dp if he’s had a wank after a long shower. He normally has. We normally laugh about it.

It’s hard fitting sex in when you have a young baby. I understand that he has a higher drive than me and needs a release. Who cares?

You are weird and controlling

He wanted a wank. Get over yourself.

It’s just a wank, partners have heard me wank, I’ve heard them wank, it’s completely normal.

OP I think it is far more gross to have someone with a streaming cold and hacking cough poking and prodding me into having sex than him having a private wank. YABU.

You're offended and grossed out that your poorly husband had a private wank, probably for comfort and to get himself to sleep? That reaction in itself is pretty weird within an actual marriage, but to then post it on the internet rather than talk to him about it is just the oddest thing I've heard for a while.

Likewise. Well, I've heard odder. But really yes, he probably was wanking and that's fine. I mean if you're really bothered you might want to do something noisy in the bedroom whilst he's downstairs so he becomes aware of how sound travels. I'm at a loss to suggest what you might do though...

This is madness. My partner and I often joke about how a good wank helps make you feel better when ill in bed. It's normal to discuss this with the person you're most intimate with.

This is really sad. You should be able to talk to your husband about masturbation. Everyone does it. It's normal. Don't make it weird!

Also, I talk openly with my husband about this. I know what he wanks to, he knows what I fantasise about when masturbating. So I do think it's a normal thing that couples discuss.

You can't talk about masturbation with each other and can't deal with hearing each other on the loo? Gosh.

How do you live like this?

This sounds so uptight as to be scarcely believable.

@ArgumentativeAardvaark but you still haven’t explained why it would be embarrassing to tell him

You: DH I could hear you in bed last night when I was down here
DH: Oh really? Oh dear I didn’t know the bed was that bad, sorry about that
You: ok no worries

Take a page out of your DH’s book and get a grip.

Brilliant.

Some really lovely people haunting this board in the dead of night- reminding me that he’d always be able to fall back on wanking if I died is particularly helpful

Sorry OP, offending you wasn’t my goal. The point was that masturbation is normal and part of life, whether we’re with or without partners. It’s not a substitute for another person, it’s an efficient method of getting sexual pleasure and release.

Can’t tell from the thread what you’re most bothered about. Is it that it’s embarrassing to know/talk to him about having heard him, or is it that he did it instead of trying to engage sexually with you?

You heard him . So what ?
No need to ever discuss it.

Blimey OP. Don't mean to sound unkind but it does all sound a bit uptight. It's not something I'd talk to, say, my parents about, granted, but DH and I definitely do it and talk about it. It's just a form of release mainly isn't it?! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Amazing.

@Choice4567

Me: “I could hear you wanking last night, guess you didn’t realise the floor was so creaky..”

Him: [beetroot red] “oh God how embarrassing, I didn’t want you to know about that, thanks for the info but please never ever mention wanking again!”

I think I will go with the shortfeet suggestion and just forget about it. On balance I would rather he is unaware that I can hear, than made to feel uncomfortable by me mentioning it. Ignorance is bliss.

I’m not really fussed about him opting for a wank over sex, last night at least. My main concern I think is that I was embarrassed for him that I heard.

Perhaps I am just over-sensitive about the need for masturbation to be private after I found a massive black dildo in my late Mum’s bedside drawer after she died suddenly...