He was definitely doing what I think he was doing, wasn’t he?

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

DH went to bed before me this evening. He has a heavy cold and was coughing a lot and generally miserable. Our bedroom is above sitting room and has a wooden floor and squeaky bed so I could hear every time he tossed and turned. After about half an hour I noticed the noise getting more rhythmic....I guess he stoped turning and just concentrated on the tossing...

Eurgh. We haven’t had sex in weeks (toddler, illness, tiredness etc- our relationship is fine). I feel sad that he did that instead of asking me to come up to bed with him, and pretty grossed out to be honest. I know he was probably just trying to get to sleep but.... eurgh.

(I am not averse to a bit of self- pleasure myself but only when alone in the house).

Ahhh this thread 🤣

I expect he already had tissues to hand.

I would not dream of talking to him about his private masturbation, nor would I tell him about mine.

Is that the root of the issue? That you can't talk about this?

I mean; I wouldn't chat to my fiancé about every wank he or I have had, but we could definitely chat about it. There's not really anything we couldn't chat about... and if I was hurt in this situation, I'd go and say "Oi, where was my invite?!" And we'd have a laugh. I can't imagine it any other way... it'd feel sordid and secretive, I think.

Is there a lot of things you can't talk about, or are they just sexual things?

There's a world of difference between being able to talk openly to your partner and not being fussed about them hearing you on the toilet. A whole world. Masturbation isn't anything like defecating. Neither are shameful but the latter is definitely a private activity.

I would say most people in long term relationships talk about it!
Dh and I are generally very private, we're not the sort of couple who go to the loo in front of each other, we lock the bathroom door etc but I know what he's up to if he's a long time in the shower and we'll laugh about it when I mention it.
I can't get past you thinking he needs to be alone in the house to masturbate! I was a sahm for years, with incredibly clingy children, I wasn't alone in the house for years!!

I absolutely refuse to believe that the average married couple chat regularly about wanking

Of course we don't talk regularly about it. That doesn't mean we are embarrassed. It means it's not an important factor. It's still a subject that can be mentioned though. Being uncomfortable because your own husband had a wank in his own bloody bed is just plain weird.

You don't need to have a chat about wanking. You just need to presume he does it sometimes and mind your own business.
Hes ill. Hes probably not up for a wild sex session. He just wanted a quick wank while ill in bed. What on earth is there to discuss? He hasn't cheated on you.

He's a grown man. He is allowed to do it.
We have always been open about it, we both do it, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Masturbation is completely normal. I've been with my partner for over a decade and if he asked me if I used my vibrator recently I'd be honest. We have a fab sex life but we sometimes need more lol.

Why would the squeaking of the bed get more rythmic if he was having a wank? Unless he was humping the bed to do it?

Why else would the squeaking of the bed have got more rhythmic sonjadog? It’s very squeaky, you can hear any slight change in position. He doesn’t know this though because I never go to bed before him.

I do actually assume he does it in the shower, that’s a good point.

You need to sort your floorboards and lagging out if you can seriously hear your OH wanking upstairs.
This thread is a classic.

It's perfectly normal for a married couple to talk about wanking. Far more normal than being embarrassed about it.

Why did it gross you out? I’d have found it funny...

To be completely honest when I know my oh’s Having a wank, I get turned on and join him. May have passed this time if he was sick tho...

If he was full of the cold...ill....would you really have wanted to? He probably thought you'd have said ergh, no! You're snotty and ill.

Take a page out of your DH’s book and get a grip.

😂

and would you really want a snot ridden man going at you like the clappers?

🤣

I would not dream of talking to him about his private masturbation, nor would I tell him about mine. That’s the point- I am uncomfortable that I knew what he was doing, and slightly embarrassed for him I think.

Won't talk to husband about a sex thing because it's too private for even husband and wife to discuss, will post on mumsnet about it. Okay 🤔

I'd have been like "drop your cock, grab me knocks, I'm hopping on!"

Oh my. Feel sorry for your husband.

Try to think of it as a big white poo op.

Omg. How is that going to help 😂😂😂

Big white poo.

Nope that's it, I WAS fine with DH wanking, now I'm not! 😂

We aren't averse to talking about that, not that we do often, but it's nothing to be embarrassed about. I'd have asked if he needed help if I felt like it. I'm sure my partner does it regularly.

Bizarre that you find this embarrassing. You're trying the turn something normal into something it shouldn't be. And you're his wife!

reminding me that he’d always be able to fall back on wanking if I died is particularly helpful

Sorry but this is v.funny .

Have you tried tightening the nuts? (On the bed, not your DH).

A bed really shouldn't be that squeaky.

Yeah, I'd assume it's a comfort thing rather than a sex thing, if you see what I mean.

But definitely get that bed and the floorboards sorted.