He was definitely doing what I think he was doing, wasn’t he?

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

DH went to bed before me this evening. He has a heavy cold and was coughing a lot and generally miserable. Our bedroom is above sitting room and has a wooden floor and squeaky bed so I could hear every time he tossed and turned. After about half an hour I noticed the noise getting more rhythmic....I guess he stoped turning and just concentrated on the tossing...

Eurgh. We haven’t had sex in weeks (toddler, illness, tiredness etc- our relationship is fine). I feel sad that he did that instead of asking me to come up to bed with him, and pretty grossed out to be honest. I know he was probably just trying to get to sleep but.... eurgh.

(I am not averse to a bit of self- pleasure myself but only when alone in the house).

I'd be a definite no if he asked me for sex when he had a cold. Lucky escape I'd say 😀

I absolutely refuse to believe that the average married couple chat regularly about wanking

Well not regularly but when the topic arises we do discuss it.

I know he was probably just trying to get to sleep but.... eurgh.

Grow up ffs.

My bed does this when I file my feet...

I’m dying here 😂😂😂
There you go OP. Maybe he was itching his ear or filing his feet?
Seriously though - I understand from the point of view he chose to do that, over with you, but would you really want to if he’s so sick?
Also - it is something that we discuss in our house. I wouldn’t say regularly, but it comes up without embarrassment.

An orgasm when you have a slight fever is amazing. Sort of multi-coloured and spacey. However, sex with another person in the same situation is less fun.

Why not work on not going to bed later than him every night? Or going to bed with him, and getting back up after sex if you can’t sleep?

Better a bit of self-help than having him coughing and spluttering over you. Never mind. It's all normal so don't fret about it.

If dh has a heavy cold and was coughing all over the place I'd be telling him to have a wank id he tried to call me up to bed!

I absolutely refuse to believe that the average married couple chat regularly about wanking

Not regularly but certainly we wouldn't be embarrassed.

OP everybody wanks.

And yes couples talk about wanking.

So the guy wanted a bit of relief without engaging you.

It doesn't mean that he's rejecting you, unless there's a big back story.

It's normal.

It's funny because I posted a thread a few weeks back about suspicions my dp was masturbating while not wanting regular sex with me and got a load of LTB's along with comments about how selfish he was and even someone suggesting he had a porn addiction. It's funny how perceptions change depending on the thread

But the key bit is... ‘ while not wanting sex with me.’

This doesn’t seem to be the case with the op. I don’t think she specifically said he had been refusing sex with her.

We are an average couple and definitely discuss it, whether you refuse to believe it or not! On some occasions it has been a great build up to having sex with each other later.

@catspyjamas27
To be fair, the OP is not saying it's a constant and as I said if it's affecting sex then absolutely that's an issue. You're saying it's ongoing, affecting sex etc that's a huge issue...OP is saying her other half has a cold and had a wank in bed, if it's a one off it's not really the same.

private masturbation
This is the key words PRIVATE! He wasn't laying in bed next you doing it, or walking around the kitchen spunking on the utensils ffs. Why is YOUR private masturbation fine but his is 'erugh'? You sound like a dick (no pun intended).

And it is a bit worrying you can't have a mature adult conversation about it.

But it wasn’t private was it? I could hear it.

And was he spunking on utensils?

My bed does this when I file my feet...

You file your feet on your BED?!?

The thing that grosses you out is your husband wanking, not the thought of going to bed and doing something sexual with someone ill and snot ridden!

That is a kink you should discuss with him!

@VikVal I actually didn't say any of those things

I said we don't have regular sex and I never said dp's wanking was 'ongoing' either. But I don't want to derail this and make it about my circumstances, I'm just making the point that there are different ways of looking at things.

Have you tried tightening the nuts?

Maybe that's what he was trying to do,

@catspyjamas27
"...my dp was masturbating while not wanting regular sex..."
Sounds along the lines of what I said, but ok I mean it happens on MN but probably just how OP has worded it differently perhaps to how you did.

But it wasn’t private was it? I could hear it.

You also said that he doesn't know about the squeaking so, from his point of view, it was private.

You need to tell him you could hear.

Not seeing the issue here, but as for your question, yeah I would say thats what he was doing.

Having sex with a guy who has a heavy cold and probably feels really shitty, is not something I would want to do anyway tbh

I don't think your being unreasonable.
In a healthy relationship both persons take into consideration there partners sexual needs as well as their own.
If this communication and consideration stops then what's even the point

You need to tell him you could hear.

I know- THAT is the embarrassing part! He’d be mortified.