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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

999 replies

Sunshineandflipflops · 05/06/2019 13:16

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

  1. Develop a thick skin.
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  4. Trust your gut instinct.
  5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  7. If it's not fun, stop.
  8. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 18/06/2019 11:53

@Ant330 I have trouble getting dates with the right people though!

You know what, I have decided to go to the cinema on my own tonight and i am looking forward to it. I actually enjoy my own company...which might be part of the problem!

OP posts:
MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 18/06/2019 11:54

Savoretti Fab is the site to go for if you are just looking for sex, so you have to expect that. But I agree that a polite message to start with is much better.
My profile is very clear about what I will accept - no dick pics, must have a face pic, I won't discuss my sexual preferences in detail until we've met etc. It seems to weed out some of the idiots.

Sunshine I think you need to say goodbye to Mr Art. He isn't giving you what you want. And you need a serious think about MrSAS. He hurt you a lot. You don't want that to happen again.

LilyRose88 We sound quite similar. I work full time, do a couple of sports, some voluntary work and still have time for friends and family.
I find it hard to relate to someone who just goes to work then comes home and watches tv all evening (just like my ex-husband used to do). And my dates can't understand why I want to do so much.

To be fair to my date last night, although he doesn't have a specific hobby, he does seem to get out and about a bit. Meeting friends and family. He's just sent me a lovely message saying he understands we're very different in terms of how busy our lives are. But he's just happy to go with the flow and doesn't mind if we're not able to meet for a couple of weeks.

LooUpdate in that situation, it's difficult to know where to take the conversation. If you were comfortable with sharing then that's ok. If he didn't like it, then maybe he shouldn't have brought up his issues.

AverageGuy · 18/06/2019 12:00

Sorry for the late reply. Computer issues... Sad Just caught up..

Myold yes I have one verification from a social meet.

I don't consider myself as coasting towards retirement. I do quite a bit outside work, particularly at weekends, so would say I buck the trend of over 50 men.

Savoretti, no, you'll still get bombarded with sex messages on Fab, but at least they will be honest about it...

My chats with my iron (who I shall call Miss Books), have gone reasonably well, despite a minor hiccup when she discovered I wasn't as local as she thought (I did tell her early on that I was working away from home atm..) We boyh have our own businesses, so finding a mutually available time to date could be difficult, especially as she has three teenage kids...

shitwithsugaron · 18/06/2019 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilyRose88 · 18/06/2019 12:45

LooUpdate no I haven't met Mr Sailor yet but he was very keen to start with and then dropped off our Whatsapp conversation. I will keep swiping and see who else I can bore Grin.

AverageGuy · 18/06/2019 12:49

Ohh! looks like Miss Books and I might both be free tomorrow! Grin I'm now panicking... Ladies, what would you suggest (like) a guy wear for a first date?

shitwithsugaron · 18/06/2019 13:15

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AverageGuy · 18/06/2019 13:18

shitwith I think it's just a meet for a drink and a chat. We're trying to sort out logistics now... I'm thinking smart casual. Shirt, decent trousers and shoes?

shitwithsugaron · 18/06/2019 13:20

This reply has been deleted

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Sidge · 18/06/2019 13:24

@AverageGuy ooh how exciting!

I guess it depends where you’re going. Jeans or chinos and a shirt is fine for me, I do like a man in a shirt. Just casual, no tie lol. No trainers! And aftershave, I love guys that smell nice.

AverageGuy · 18/06/2019 13:31

shitwith sidge Thanks. I (hopefully) won't try too hard!

I'd normally wear a t-shirt and jeans (& trainers!) if I was out with friends, but I think a date (especially a first date) deserves going the extra mile!

Oh, yes, aftershave will be (lightly) applied! Smile

Crustaceans · 18/06/2019 13:35

Have a sneaky feeling I'll be joking on the chintzy sofa by the end of the year

Oh I do hope so. There’s plenty of space. 😁

Ooh, a date with Ms Books, @AverageGuy. How exciting.

What sort of thing do you usually wear? And where are you going?

MrSG wore jeans and his favourite shirt (with short sleeves that show off his biceps - he’s very pleased with his arms generally; sometimes he’s jokingly flexes his biceps at me 😂) for a first date in the pub on a Sunday evening. Obviously I didn’t know it at the time but it’s fairly representative of what he usually wears (well, actually, there’s a lot of jeans and T-shirt wearing going on in his life generally).

I think he was going for ‘best/most impressive version of me’ in his approach to dressing for it. I can still picture exactly what he looked like (somewhat tentatively walking towards me looking a bit shy).

Incidentally I wore a denim midi skirt, vest top, cardigan and flat shoes, which is also entirely representative of what I generally wear, but towards the better end of normal. So we both took the same approach.

Erm... so my advice (without specifics) would be to take that approach with your own wardrobe.

He did smell really good though. I remember giving him a brief hug/cheek kiss greeting and thinking that he smelt great.

So look like you and smell good. That’s the vague and bloody obviously standard of dating advice you’ll get from me. 🤣

Crustaceans · 18/06/2019 13:38

Haha. I see everyone has similar advice.

MrSG has trainers on. Well vans. I like a man in skater shoes. 😂 I think it indicated we were a good match.

I suspect that may not be the part of the MrSG dressing for a date technique that you should emulate.

shitwithsugaron · 18/06/2019 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AverageGuy · 18/06/2019 14:01

Thanks ladies Flowers.

Looks like it'll be an evening pub meet. I think (depending on weather!) it'll be a short sleeve shirt, trousers, shoes and aftershave Grin

BatshitCrazyWoman · 18/06/2019 14:02

I think I was very lucky with the over 50s men I've dated - all active and had interests etc. Mr BC is younger (late 40s) and is has interests. I'm quite ... demanding 😂 so it's great that Mr BC is physically fit ...😉

We're coming up to the 12 week mark now 😍

HairyArsedMan · 18/06/2019 14:07

The thread has lost part of its collective memory @AverageGuy. You should also have some chest hair poking over the top of your t-/shirt and have sleeves rolled up if long sleeveed. Grin

No seriously, a smarter version of yourself, so you feel comfy and don't go for anything new or radically different that sows doubts. Good luck !

AverageGuy · 18/06/2019 14:46

hairy lol. I do have chest hair.. Not sure I can tease it up over the top button of a shirt though...

Thanks!

JeSuisPrest · 18/06/2019 14:59

Guys - if you really want to know what a woman wants, this thread was hilarious and informative in equal measure. Grin

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3514231-what-random-secret-things-do-you-find-attractive

Sunshineandflipflops · 18/06/2019 16:17

@AverageGuy I'd just do you but your most presentable version without trying too hard.

I don't mind trainers (as in converse or similar) as that's more my style but definitely smell nice without taking a swim in the aftershave bottle.

OP posts:
Peanuthedz · 18/06/2019 16:47

See this is where we're all different. I hate shirts and shoes. Aftershave would have me running for the hills. I loathe loathe loathe it. I like trainers, t shirts, stubble or beard and yes chest hair poking up. And jeans or combats. Trousers. Nope. But then I don't own a pair of heels and am either in trainers flip flops or boots. I don't do manicures, groomed hair or epilation and I've only started with lipstick now I'm 50. So I probably have limited appeal for most men!

So the answer is just be yourself but a bit smarter.

Sunshineandflipflops · 18/06/2019 16:55

@Peanuthedz I don't like very strong aftershave at all but a bit of a light/fresh one is nice. I prefer to smell a guy when/if I get up close.

OP posts:
MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 18/06/2019 16:58

I'm having a dilemma about last night's date.
On one hand he was nice, friendly, dressed well (smart jeans, white shirt and a waistcoat) and we got on well.
But I didn't fancy him. I didn't think phwoar! when I saw him. I came away thinking he was a nice, friendly grandad, not someone I wanted to jump into bed with.

However, it was only the first date, so I want to give him a second chance. But, the next time we are both free is in 2 weeks time. Which is a long time to wait to see if he is more fanciable second time round.

I could cancel my plans this Friday and see him then. My Friday plans are important but not the end of the world if I miss them.

So would you wait 2 weeks to see him or cancel plans and see him earlier?

JeSuisPrest · 18/06/2019 17:07

For our first date MrC wore jeans and a white t shirt. For our second date he wore the same. For our third date, yep, same again. He sometimes goes crazy and wears a black t shirt 😂 If we go out he wears his best flip flops 😳. I've seen him wear shoes (trainers) once outside of the house. He's barefoot all of time at home, I've got my comfy slippers. At weekends he lives in board shorts and t shirts, whatever weather. He always smells lovely. I can't imagine him suited and booted. Well I can imagine it, but I dont think I'll be seeing it any time soon.🤷🏻‍♀️

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