Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@StealthNinjaMum I think he just looked very old for his age as when I mentioned my OLD pet hates he agreed about people who lie about their age. He was certainly very weather beaten.

I posted a while ago about an iron who still lives with his wife while they try to sell the house.
It seems while they are separated, the children don’t know so it’s all kind of awkward. Plus, while he says his ex has told him to go out and date, he still seems to lie to her about where he is going, and can rarely make an evening out.
He is so lovely that I have just been seeing him when I can, a quick drink here; or joining him on a dog walk, but I think it’s win win for him, while I just wait and hope for more.
Tried a couple of other dates this week but neither came anywhere near how lovely he is.

However I just need to walk away and forget him don’t I....

savoretti I wouldn’t walk away, I would run. Sorry but I wouldn’t date someone who hasn’t completed their divorce or/and still live with their wife. Once apron a time I was stupid enough to get involved with someone living with their wife, it got very messy as there was still loads they had not sorted out including access to the children, he also turned out to be a controlling wanker who controlled me and his wife. I now only date people who have been single for quite a while and who are not still involved with their ex.

Thanks @lovemusic I absolutely know this. Just needed someone else to say it I think....
I am so fussy, rarely swipe right so even more
rarely get matches.
But he’s not free, and won’t be for a long time. Now I’ve got my own life back on track it would be madness to get involved in someone else’s baggage.
But why the hell does he have to be the only sexy person, like at all, in my area -

@Savoretti Run. Sorry I really would and save yourself the heartache.

I only say this as my ex told me the exact same thing. Well they were separated, things didn't add up so I questioned more. Money and house were an issue so they stayed together some days but others she went to her mums.

He swore on his kids life they were separated. Fast forward 3/4 months of hell, awful feelings. Ill and worry over why he couldn't be with me full time etc. Narcissist, controlling horrifically bad.

Found out his wife was still happily married to him. She showed me pictures, texts everything

I'll never ever believe a man that says he's separated but lives with the wife.

Re: dating someone who isn't yet divorced, I'm not divorced yet but don't feel I want to wait two years to start dating when my ex was seeing someone else while we were still together.

I am ready to be dating and definitely very separated but I can also understand that is someone has been through their own divorce, they may not want to live through someone else's too.

So actually ended up not going to the music thing and ended up going on (for argument's sake) for a date with Miss Aqua. Went for a meal. Very easy to talk with and lots of laughing, but I don't quite know if there is a spark there... I think she is very much holding back. Ended up standing in the cold talking for another hour and half. (so spent about 6.5 hours together in total). Ended the night with a hug (with the stipulation of "just a hug" ), although she did ask for a second one. I was very honoured that she shared a very personal piece of information

I am keeping an open mind, but I don't think this one has legs. I paid for the food and she got the coffee, which seemed fair.

Savoretti I would walk away from this one. It is possible to date while you're still going through the divorce. But everyone needs to be honest about what is happening. His kids don't know they are separated and he's lying to his ex about dating? How do you know he's being honest with you?

Maybe give yourself a break from dating. You're probably comparing your other dates to him and at the moment no one is going to be as lovely as him.

To me that sounds pretty positive @MrDrummer she’s given it some legs by changing plans and spending her time getting to know you pretty quickly. She’ll want to reflect on that, so see how she acts given a bit of time to think.

Thanks @MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I know that’s absolutely what I need to do. I tried to convince myself I have happy with the scraps he could offer. But bottom line is I do deserve a lot more than that.
Will have to take a break anyway - there’s seriously no one I even want to swipe on round this way

And @Sunshineandflipflops, I don’t mind the fact he is not divorced - I totally understand you can be ready to date prior to that, I certainly was too - but he is simply not even separated really and I don’t want to be a part of the ongoing break up.
Thanks all for replying; it seriously just helps when others clarify your thoughts for you

Soy date yesterday afternoon was better than the previous evenings one hour one 😉

He was nice and we chatted easily. Not sure if spark as such. I'd agree to see him again to see if there was but not sure whether he wants to. Both sent a "was nice to meet, lovely afternoon" type texts after but no plans to meet again yet.

I've actually got a few busy weekends coming up (and only have every other anyway) so I've hidden my profiles for now and wont bother swiping for a bit.

@savaretti what proof do you have they are actually separated? There are twats out there who will say things like this. One guy once told me he was separated and I asked him if his wife knew they were separated...

Oops @savoretti sorry

Yes @ginmel I wonder that too
I am also sticking close to rule 7 - you are the prize. I deserve better than this ....

Not a loo update as such as I've just got home from our night away to get changed and head out for dinner with dad and son.
M
But make room on the bench for my other cheek, think we're both very smitten
Picking her up again around 6 and then staying at mine and we've got whole day together until kids are home from school tomorrow.
Hope my dinner gives me some energy I'm knackered 😂🥰

For some bizarre reason, I set up POF again. I haven't put any photos up or a proper written profile yet. Not one to rush these things... 😂 I've looked at a few profiles. One, localish, bit older than I'd like (61) but looked like he looks after himself, and an interesting profile. He messaged today. One word. "photos!" FFS...

Another good date with Mr Runner last night. Lots of talking and laughing . I still have one buttock on the smitten bench. It's actually a fairly busy time for both of us at the moment so I think it'll be hard to see each other as often (it already is given that ex doesn't look after dc very often). I think in a month I'll have a better idea of whether my second buttock is on the smitten bench but I do hope so.

NestOfSwipers he's interested enough to send you a message. It's not like you contacted him first.

I'd reply with something a little jokey like 'patience, I'm still photo-shopping them all'. Or 'I can suggest a good photographer if you need some photos'. With a smiley emoji in case (like my last iron) he doesn't get humour

Well,my date from last night has just left my house. I need some sleep bad!! We didn't did but I think I only got 2hrs sleep. He is lovely and now I just need to digest it all

Dtd

nest I’ve been effectively ‘told off’ like that several times, and it does annoy me - it seems entitled to me.

I agree, he could've asked in a nicer way. I'm not sure about him anyway. Having been widowed, I would rather have someone of my own age to at least help to maximise our time together!! 😂

MyOldBrain I did think of sending "please??" back but I'm not sure about him at all anyway now!

It looks like a few of you have had ‘lively’ weekends.

MrNoName arrives back in the UK today, I have said I may see him on thursday, but not entirely sure yet. Booked a childminder, but I have never used one before so need to think about it properly before making a decision. My son has only ever been left with my cousin or FWB since he has lived with me.