Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Fmfl when I started out I tried pof but had lots of issues like you and could never get back on so I gave up and have only used tinder and bumble since.

FMFL I had exactly the same experience with POF, really annoying that there is a profile on there linked to me that I can’t do anything about. I have considered contacting the Information Commissioner as I’m sure POF is in breach of GDPR - but guess what, I CBA. Tinder is great. I have Match for a few months and this has some people who are not on the free sites because many think it is more ‘respectable ‘ (it’s not).

FMFL this is a common problem with POF. I've had it happen.
You just have to set up your profile again.

AverageGuy 57 isn't old but is probably older than most men on Fab. Sounds like you're doing the right thing but women get innundated with messages on there.
Are you verified? I won't chat to anyone who hasn't been verified. A photo veri is fine.

Hey, first time posting. I’ve been religiously reading the last 3 threads.

I’m 7 months out of a long term relationship and have a 5 year old. After 4 months I I decided I felt like I was ready to date so signed up for OLD.

I’ve been chatting with the current guy for just over a month and we’ve had 3 dates, the latest being Friday evening.

We get on really well and I thought things were going good but it seems like since Saturday he hasn’t been into our conversations as much as he has previously and is taking a lot longer to reply. I know I’m one for overthinking things so I don’t know if it’s just me. I don’t feel like I want to say anything to him as I don’t want him to think I’m thinking things are more than they are. Some advice would be good.

Just to be clear. It's not the fact that my date is 6years older that bothers me.
It's that all the men in their 50s that I've met have been very boring and had nothing in common with me.
They seem to be winding down to retirement. And do very little outside work, eat, sleep. I'm the opposite of this. I've done more since I got divorced than I did when I was married. I have more friends and a better social life.
So I'm not looking for someone who wants me to entertain them.

My date tonight doesn't seem to be like my past dates of that age. But I'll update you later.

Well, well, well, hands up all who were surprised at @Sunshineandflipflops update No one then? 😂 Be careful sunshine, glad you had a good time and you are a big girl, but do it on your terms this time.

@Ant330 knew it wouldn't be long before we were all shuffling up for you on the smitten bench.

@FMFL The only way I could use POF was to have my profile hidden and do my own picking/messaging first, otherwise I was just inundated with loads of crap "hey there" messages. I never had any tech issues with POF. Tinder worked as well, I'd rate them the same for matches (in my area anyway) 🤷🏻‍♀️.

9 weeks and counting with MrC. Another great weekend - 3 days and 2 nights together and I completely ❤ him and how I haven't blurted it out yet, I don't know. It's coming though - I don't think it will be romantic planned moment gazing into each others eyes over a candlelit meal, it will be a complete accident, probably whilst he gives me a piggyback through a muddy field whilst we're walking the dogs 🙈😂

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I found the same with 50+ men. Which is why I've gone younger. Apologies @AverageGuy for generalising.

Women seem to hit menopause and fly. Men seem to hit 50 and slump.

@JeSuisPrest I know...I'm weak but it was such a great day/night that I didn't want it to end! And I know how great the sex is with him, so it was just impossible to say goodbye and get out of the car!

Hi everyone back from my solo holiday which was great!

I have a new iron Mr Tennis who I matched with ages ago but it faded but he got back In touch. Seems nice but messaging not exciting but gonna go for a few local drinks at the weekend

Still seeing lots of Mr Big. Seeing him twice this week. Strangely I think we have actually become FRIENDS with benefits but I have stopped having any romantic notions about him. Gonna keep seeing him for now as it’s so much fun and the sex is fantastic

Right off to catch up with the thread

Sunshine pleased to hear you're in control now, and so why not!
JeSuis all loved up, really happy for you.

Well I'm already in bed, absolutely knackered after a great 3 days. I feel like SeaBiscuit after a tough but successful race weekend!
Definitely smitten, even introduced her to a couple of friends over the w/e which is a big deal for me.

Hi everyone, havnt posted for a few weeks. Can i get your advice. I have seen a guy several times now, has been going well and dtd a few times. However had first sleepover at the weekend and since then the momentum just seems to have gone. Feel like it's the inbetween stage of accepting in your head that it's probably not going to work but having that conversation. How do you handle that, do you message or call, or just let it tail off, I'm rubbish at all this.

Thanks all! I’ll give up on POF as a bad job, just signed up to Bumble so will see how that goes.

Update from me: So, we thanked each other for a lovely evening yesterday and she said it was her turn to pay next time, so there will be a next time. However, she is going on holiday next weekend for over two weeks, so I am thinking the impetus will be lost and cramming something in beforehand might be difficult (esp as she forgot to renew her passport and is having to get an emergency one!!!). I think I am going to have to be really patient, because she wasn't actively looking to date. I said I would leave it up to her to suggest when to meet up again.

I have one or two concerns... she said something that might suggest a bit of homophobia, but I didn't want to try to dig into it via texts. Could just be the fog of war... But she definitely reads the Daily Mail!!!

@shitwithsugaron thanks, yes I agree I would never ghost anyone. To be honest I think it is just as much on his part as mine but I would rather call it a day than spin it out. I will try and call him tomorrow, I would rather do that than meet in person due to other reasons.

My date tonight was better than expected. I didn't really fancy him but he was easy to chat to and we seemed to find a lot to talk about. He is however, in the 'I'm winding down for retirement' camp. And admitted to not doing much outside work and being a grandad. But I don't think he likes being like that, he just hasn't had the motivation to find other things to do.

I have agreed to see him again. But it probably won't be until next week

Can’t wait to hear @MyOldBrainStoppedWorking update. Am also in that age bracket and til now have always gone younger too. But after MrStillMarried I am just looking at anyone who seems stable and single!

sunshine you naughty thing - glad you enjoyed the gig!
too how are you getting on?hope you're ok.
jesuis and ant glad to hear you're still on the smitten bench.
Enjoying reading everyone else's updates.

Ooo myoldbrain that sounds really positive!

ckfan if you think it’s a mutual fade then why not just let it wither on the vine? No need to actively text, call or see him.

mrdrummer daily mail? Ewww

I'm interested in the discussions about dumping someone face to face, or being dumped. I'd much prefer just a telephone call either way. Is that just me?

I think texting is fine

Face to face or phone call is just awkward if the dumper, embarrassing if the dumpee

Good morning, I was reading this thread late last night as my date did not respond to message. I need to give myself a shake and become far more resilient.

It was because he is the first guy I properly like in what seems like years of OLD but it's actually 4 months ish!

Anyhow he finally responded at about 12.30pm. So do I pretend that I'm not bothered he disappeared for 12 hours? Context - we were arranging 4th date, dtd on third date at weekend, we always get back to one another with a few hours?

TIA for any help!

Splendidsun depends on how he responded. Did he just carry on the chat as though nothing had happened? Or did he explain where he'd been?
I would let it go this time. But if it carries on then you need to have a chat.