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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He's insulted my sexual performance AGAIN

159 replies

Har23 · 18/05/2019 23:49

I posted a thread a few weeks ago about my husband telling me that having sex with me was like having it with a sack of potatoes. I eventually got over it and we had words to which he apologised. However, this eve we were having a chat regarding our daughters first disco a d boys. He played the usual protective daddy. I made a comment about his youth to which he would randomly call upon his neighbour above him for sex, his response blew me off my feet. He said well at least she'd go on top. Honest to God I'm so mad, hurt, insulted. I don't no where to begin the disrepect I just can't comprehend. I just can't believe he thinks our sex is so bad.

OP posts:

ManchesterBorn · 19/05/2019 15:08

out of respect for the op I always read every post of every thread, so I don’t blurt out unhelpful, useless comments.

my own comment about people not reading the posts was actually directed to Springwalk who took a post of mine, where I did quote the part I was replying to, and derailed it accusing me of talking about something else

So some people might read the posts, but they chose to ignore the bits in them they don't like

As you were!

Springwalk · 19/05/2019 15:14

DBML whilst I agree no one should ever throw in the towel if a marriage can be salvaged. I believe it takes two to make a marriage work, two to put in the effort, two people to care enough to want their marriage to be a good one. I see op is doing all of those things and more, and I don’t think her husband is doing anything whatsoever. He insults her, neglects her needs, ignores her messages and still hasn’t apologised.

Could I go to bed with a man like this after all he has said? No way.
I can’t blame op for feeling this way, who wouldn’t. He has so little respect for her.
So whilst I agree in principle about counselling and listening, it has to work both ways.

SavingSpaces2019 · 19/05/2019 17:17

I think it's time to call it a day on this farce of a relationship OP.
He's always been shit in bed and selfish - and you've tolerated it.
You've also been the only one trying to make an effort to improve things in your relationship and he doesn't even take it seriously.

Seriously, stop wasting your energy and living in limbo.
Get rid of him and be happy.

ilikemethewayiam · 19/05/2019 19:14

Or ask him if he's got any hot friends that can finish the job after hes given up

^^
this😂😂😂

Original poster

Har23 · 19/05/2019 20:39

Lol ye I'll ask who's going to finish the job😝. Maybe I just need to say in blunt terms well ur the one who's actually shit in bed pal

OP posts:

AFistfulofDolores1 · 19/05/2019 22:13

I really don't understand why you're with him, OP.

Notabedofroses · 20/05/2019 09:23

I don't think Manchester's comments have been at all helpful. Listen to a man that calls you a sack of potatoes?! And compares you to a previous shag!! All bets are off when someone is this personal and hurtful. There were ways he could have told you without being insulting thats the point.

Sayso11 · 20/05/2019 11:06

You need to talk to him carrying around hurt and anger flows into everyday life in a relationship leaves door open to continue on remarks. Married and family tough going I'd sit him down no warning it's coming lay it out hurt u what he said and if its a case u want to work on things ask him what is it he wants in bed what interested in shake things up treat urself massage a pedi good to feel good about urself comes out in the more intimate side things balancing out daily life personal and family its just a juggling act sometimes not easy.

Sayso11 · 20/05/2019 11:07

For sure never take nonsense being disrespectful will escalate no respect no intimacy or fun let him know

Aleela55 · 20/05/2019 11:45

"I'm a sack of potatoes but you can't even make me orgasm!?"

He sounds very selfish.

Original poster

Har23 · 20/05/2019 11:46

So I came home last night after a long busy shift. Kids weren't showered, no uniforms ready sink full of dishes n the 1 job I asked him to do, not done.
I pulled him up on it and he got up and went to bed. I came after him. Apparently it's my own fault because I shouldn't have said it. There's also nothing wrong with our sex hes just "joking". I told him I was hurt and upset by his comment and he said that was my problem. I just walked out because I was about to explode

OP posts:

Notabedofroses · 20/05/2019 11:52

What exactly does he bring to your life op?

He doesn't look after the children, doesn't do his fair share of housework, disrespects you and is lousy in bed.

Why are you still with him?

RantyAnty · 20/05/2019 11:53

I would have been angry too. He was there and did fuck all and left it all for you to do. In addition to be shite in bed, he's thoughtless.

Aleela55 · 20/05/2019 11:58

And he gave no explanation for why he was incapable of doing those jobs at home?

Original poster

Har23 · 20/05/2019 12:04

His response was " I don't come home looking around to see what's done and what's not done" . Well that's because I have it all done. Apparently I'm at him all the time

OP posts:

BlueJag · 20/05/2019 12:23

Is he great in bed?

Original poster

Har23 · 20/05/2019 12:27

When he puts in the effort which isn't often it's great

OP posts:

RantyAnty · 20/05/2019 12:27

he doesn't look around to see what needs to be done... some excuse.

If he acted like that on the job, he soon wouldn't have one.

mbosnz · 20/05/2019 12:32

He's rubbish both in the sack, and out of it, isn't he? What a prince.

Notabedofroses · 20/05/2019 12:58

We have choices in life, we either put up with things that we know are not good for us and we continue in a negative spiral, or we choose something better and that requires being brave.

I can't see why on earth you would ever want to stay with this man, he treats you with utter contempt.

Hearhere · 20/05/2019 13:31

So he occasionally puts in the effort and then it's great?
He knows full well what you do and dont enjoy, he gives you what you enjoy occasionally, but most of the time he makes the choice that the sexual encounter is just going to be for his benefit

He's just playing you isn't he

SunshineCake · 20/05/2019 17:30

Just gives you enough to keep you sweet then batters you verbally when you start getting too big for your boots, aka wanting input in chores and a bloody orgasm.

Grumpelstilskin · 20/05/2019 21:49

Get a vibrator, it would treat you better.

BlueJag · 20/05/2019 23:26

@Har23 takes two to make sex great. A woman needs to feel wanted to feel sexy.
If he isn't careful the only one that is going to give him pleasure is his hand.
I'm not surprised you are upset.

SandyY2K · 20/05/2019 23:32

I'd point blank tell him there's nothing in it (sex) for you, if you don't climax and the finishing you off in the morning comment just adds insult to injury.

The fact is most men cannot handle their sexual performance being criticised and you being sensitive has made him think he's a stud.

It sounds like the sex is not the real issue...or is one of many issues.

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