He's insulted my sexual performance AGAIN

[Har23]

I posted a thread a few weeks ago about my husband telling me that having sex with me was like having it with a sack of potatoes. I eventually got over it and we had words to which he apologised. However, this eve we were having a chat regarding our daughters first disco a d boys. He played the usual protective daddy. I made a comment about his youth to which he would randomly call upon his neighbour above him for sex, his response blew me off my feet. He said well at least she'd go on top. Honest to God I'm so mad, hurt, insulted. I don't no where to begin the disrepect I just can't comprehend. I just can't believe he thinks our sex is so bad.

It IS insulting!! How can you say it’s not? Fair enough if you’re unhappy with your sex life you’re entitled to let your partner know but in a kind respectful way. This guy is repeatedly being deliberately hurtful.

OP don’t bother going to any more effort. You’ve tried and it’s still not enough. He’s making you feel like shit. Leave him and find someone that will make you feel good.

Op he really doesn’t care about you does he? Happy to enjoy himself though.

I wouldn’t be going on the holiday op, or I would go without him and tell him you need some time apart.

I've also told.him I'm lonely in my marriage more than once but it all falls on deaf ears

Well, he's not making an effort anywhere in the relationship is he?

What are your thoughts on ending the relationship?

Just tell him that it’s the pot calling the kettle black then. He can’t expect effort from you if he is terrible in bed.

manchester in what world do you live in where its okay for a dh to call his wife a sack of potatoes!

Springwalk please do tell me WHERE did i say that?

but hey, feel free to make things up, it's MN, that's what we are here for.

I'll be completely honest. The effort I have put into my marriage for it to work is extensive. But it's one sided. Things are changing for us and it's because I'm flatline now I'm no longer willing to fight for him. I do put in effort for sex I like sex but i tmi finish myself. Even though I feel like running out the door I would never say anything like that to him. It's such a personal attack. It's quite upsetting actually. How am I ever supposed to try enjoy sec with him after that.

Sounds like it's about more than this . Is he one of these people who are blunt and rude but think they are being funny or genuinely don't realise

manchester
You said ‘it’s not insulting to be honest’

You are condoning his use of ‘honesty’ by calling his wife a sack of potatoes’ to you this is not insulting? Just honesty. Really??
So yes you did say that, and no we are not making it up.
You are not helping. One bit.

I’m sorry but I couldn’t get past that comment. Its just so nasty and full of hostility! Sex is so personal and intimate that a comment like that would crush me. There is never any excuse not to discuss needs and wants in a relationship in a kind or respectful manner. He clearly has zero respect for you. I was married to a man like that. I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered from the damage he did to my self esteem even though I’m now with a lovely kind man. I don’t know where you go from here OP, he doesn’t sound like the sensitive open type that would respond well to a mutual respectful discussion.

I would have one last try to talk to him and tell him how you feel using the specific examples you gave here.
Maybe your holiday could be a good time to do it.
If there is so response or improvement then you can start to think about your options.
Good luck

Springwalk
I was talking about the "being on top" and being honest about finding activities in the bedroom boring and uninspiring!

Honestly, some posters...

Manchesterborn I've asked you to stop commenting please respect it.

You do know this is an open forum, the whole point of a thread is for people to answer your question.

You might not like what they have to say, but that's the whole point of here.

The 'protective dad' performance is an indicator of a man's attitude towards women. It's not a positive attitude either.

I'm sorry you're in this relationship, it sounds bad for you. Do you want to end it? It could make you happier.

OP - the more you explain about it all - sex seems like a symptom, not a cause here...
Why are you still in this relationship?
And what do you think will happen in the future?
It seems like you are living in some sort of hellish limbo.

I do know this is an open forum, you've said your bit, anything else u have to say now goes unread.
The fact that you have been asked not to comment and you continue to is not something I want to waste my time on this morning. So belt away and shout from the roof it won't be read.

OK then Har23

to be very honest with you, I didn't see the post where you made that request until now, but no need to be so unpleasant because you disagree with someone. You don't have to read all the posts, no one else does anyway

Why are you pandering to this man what's in it for you?
kick him to the curb and get a good vibrator

Sorry OP but you can't just ban someone from commenting just because you don't agree with them!

Manchester is entitled to her opinion the same as anyone else.

Ok maybe he's not being very tactful, but if he's not happy with the performance that's important. I know id be pissed off if a man wasn't putting much enthusiasm into it. Wouldn't make you feel very wanted. My advice would be to get on top now and again 😂

manchester speak for yourself, out of respect for the op I always read every post of every thread, so I don’t blurt out unhelpful, useless comments. I see that you don’t, from your unhelpful posts.

You said he was simply being honest, most of the thread disagree, and feel he was insulting.

Whether you were referring to his charming sack of potatoes comment, or the later one when he was reminiscing about his past conquest of having sex with the woman on top. BOTH comments were insulting, BOTH were damaging to op. It was not honesty, in any form, it was spiteful and hurtful, and uncalled for.

You are a lone voice on here detailing the thread.

Derailing

Yes hilarious. You are clearly enjoying ops pain. I think there is zero chance that her dh will see any action ever again petra

Sorry I see now you do put effort in.

Your clearly not happy with him. He's not happy with you. Can't see this heading anywhere nice if I'm honest.

@Har23 your last update reminded me of an analogy I read in a relationship self help book. The author described relationships like rowing a boat to a paradise island. You both get in the boat, pull those oars with gusto to get there but part way there you are exhausted with the effort of rowing. You look behind you to see your partner laying back with his arms behind his head soaking of the views. You realise you’ve been doing all the work. You kick him into touch so he picks up the oars again and it becomes easier again. But then same thing happens again. You eventually realise he’s just along for the ride and is not taking responsibility for the journey. You stop rowing and you just drift. The island gets further away and you are going nowhere. You can keep making the effort to get there but when you do you are exhausted and resentful or you can throw him overboard and continue on by yourself. This actually made me reassess my previous marriage and I chose to end it. When I reached the island there was a lovely new man there. And i was 51 at the time so it’s never too late!