He's insulted my sexual performance AGAIN

[Har23]

I posted a thread a few weeks ago about my husband telling me that having sex with me was like having it with a sack of potatoes. I eventually got over it and we had words to which he apologised. However, this eve we were having a chat regarding our daughters first disco a d boys. He played the usual protective daddy. I made a comment about his youth to which he would randomly call upon his neighbour above him for sex, his response blew me off my feet. He said well at least she'd go on top. Honest to God I'm so mad, hurt, insulted. I don't no where to begin the disrepect I just can't comprehend. I just can't believe he thinks our sex is so bad.

I don't know why he thinks telling you things in such a manner would improve things - its only going to wreck your confidence. Man's a twat!

He said well at least she'd go on top.

well, do you? (Please don't answer that!) Has he been trying to do various positions maybe, but you are unwilling to do anything and just lay there? (again, do not answer).

Did you have great sex, and things have gone downhill?

I am not saying it's YOUR fault, he might not be that great himself. If he doesn't turn you on, he can't expect to get a great reply from you.

You can be miffed and sulk, but you can also think about it. Do you enjoy intimate relationship with him? Have things changed? Would you want to go back to how you were before? Do you even want to be with him?

I would be pretty upset if I knew I had "boring sex" in line for the rest of my life because I am married and stuck with 1 person.

I haven't seen the other thread so don't have as much into as other posters. He sounds awful I fi. I find it really unusual that you're married and have children together yet you wouldn't feel you could tell him you're sexually dissatisfied. Does he think you enjoy it? Does he think you're having and orgasm? I think there's bigger issues at play here. The communication in your relationship doesn't sound like it is working.

He's lucky to get any sex at all. Maybe he won't from now on?

ltb

PS If you want to stay with him, you need to communicate and have a serious talk. Personally I would get rid, he sounds selfish and rude.

However what's the point in getting worked up when once he's done that's it for me and I'm left lying there

There's the crux of the problem right there. He's the one who is bad in bed. And utterly selfish. Sex is all about him getting his rocks off, not you.

Tell him that you are ready to try anal, then show him the strap on dildo and say "on your knees".

Manchesterborn I've already answered that.
Here's an example of the effort put in for him. I done my hair and make up and put on some new underwear and sent him a pic of what was waiting for him when he got home. My response was I just gotta go in and look at this job I promised I'd look at. I changed bk into my pjs.

manchester if he wanted to improve things in the bedroom why did he choose to insult her?

If you are looking to shake things up, then you gently introduce new ideas, you build confidence, not strip it down. Feeling bored? Change it, but do so with respect and consideration.

It’s not ops job to reproduce a pornographic experience for her selfish dh. It’s his job to ensure she is enjoying his advances, so that she enjoys sex enough to have a little fun with it.

I would get rid. There was no need for him to savage her in this way.

Sorry OP - but it does sound like the sex you have together isn’t great.
You say it yourself -
He doesn’t do it for you and stops before you get there. You also say - what she point of getting all into it - if that’s the way it goes.
The ‘enthusiasm’ you mention can’t then be real. And I think he senses it.
So - in return it’s not that great for him either.

OP - instead of priding yourself on not discussing it and not hurting his feelings - you need to tell him. Communication is so so important. People can’t read minds about what works for a partner and what doesn’t. If he never makes you come - you need to tell him and show how what you need.
It just feels you both have shit down and only complain about the each other.

cd

If there is ever a next time...when he has finished just say ' is that it?' that should put him in his place.

Couples counselling, relate do sex therapy. Read Masters and Johnson.

Maybe a little honest criticism of his sexual 'performance' is required?

Try chucking him off before he's finished

If I say I havnt finished he says "ill finish u in the morning". I have said before that he needs to make more effort.

I've also told.him I'm lonely in my marriage more than once but it all falls on deaf ears. Now I'm at the point were I just can't be arsed with him. I'm an effective communicator but what can I do when it goes over his head. Family hol next week and I'm dreading it

It's not insulting to be honest.

If I was miserable in bed with my husband, trying to improve things but going nowhere, and ended up meeting someone else, my husband couldn't complain if I ended up divorcing to start a new relationship. Don't ignore the warning signs when they are clearly spelt to you!

I am not saying you don't need to work on a marriage and everything is always well, but I am not about being a martyr and stuck in a sad relationship going nowhere.

Give him what he wants - dump a sack of potatoes on him next time he's lying on his back. What a twat.

Tell him that performance is all about who you’re doing it with and if he had to have sex with a rotten old pig then he’d be pretty shit at it too.

However what's the point in getting worked up when once he's done that's it for me and I'm left lying there.

Does he not realise that this alone makes him a lousy lover? How bloody dare he criticise you? I wonder if the reality is that, deep down, he knows this and is trying to bury it by making out that it's your fault?

I have never ever told him our sex is bad or compared to him to any1. I wouldn't hurt his feelings or shatter his confidence.

But he doesn't worry about hurting your feelings.

Sounds like time to cut your losses and find someone who actually cares about how you feel.

I would say something like this to him:

You have made a few comments now that have been hurtful and insensitive about our sex life. I feel that I need to be honest with you quite frankly I don't get anything out of OUR sex life. I feel that if you lasted longer it would be easier for us to try new things and explore. So either we work on this together and YOU try to please me before you cum or we think seriously about the future of our relationship because honestly I'd quite like to have an orgasm at some point this year.
Then it's upto him if he decides HE would like to try harder and then I would probably go out and have some you time buy something u feel fabulous in maybe get some sexy underwear get your girl friends together and make sure he sees you feeling great about yourself maybe in your sexiest undies (but just for yourself not for him) and go out for the night then when he asks where u are going give him as little info as possible. Don't let the bastard get you down. Men who often feel insecure project their insecurities on other people so time to bring him back down to his level.

Manchester Born!!! I don't know wat kind of relationships you have or what you constitute as insulting, however in my world speaking like that to someone in that way is completely unacceptable. If this type of behaviour is acceptable in your world well that's ur business. Now you are not adding anything constructive here so I would appreciate it if u stopped replying to my thread nothing you say is useful to me.

I feel that if you are at the point where you are either trading, or considering trading, insults about sex with each other then the relationship is probably not going to go much further. Sorry OP.

manchester in what world do you live in where its okay for a dh to call his wife a sack of potatoes!
Really?! and she is supposed up not take that personally??lts not honesty, it is called being spiteful and unkind.

God help your husband if you think any of this is okay.