Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

He's insulted my sexual performance AGAIN

159 replies

Har23 · 18/05/2019 23:49

I posted a thread a few weeks ago about my husband telling me that having sex with me was like having it with a sack of potatoes. I eventually got over it and we had words to which he apologised. However, this eve we were having a chat regarding our daughters first disco a d boys. He played the usual protective daddy. I made a comment about his youth to which he would randomly call upon his neighbour above him for sex, his response blew me off my feet. He said well at least she'd go on top. Honest to God I'm so mad, hurt, insulted. I don't no where to begin the disrepect I just can't comprehend. I just can't believe he thinks our sex is so bad.

OP posts:

VaggieMight · 19/05/2019 00:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

ReanimatedSGB · 19/05/2019 01:02

Is he any good at all in bed? Is he any good out of bed? Not-great sex between two nice people is probably fixable; a man whining that he's not getting enough good sex, while he's generally treating his partner like a domestic servant... less so.

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 19/05/2019 01:03

Sex is a team sport, one member can only be as good as the other, criticising your input is criticising his own in equal measure.

I'd recommend removal of testes though, with rustiest implement available.

Cruelstepmother · 19/05/2019 01:03

It sounds to me like he is clumsily saying that you are unenthusiastic about sex and he is looking for a reaction from you. For you to get all offended, demand apologies and vow never to have sex again seems to be wildly missing the point.
Perhaps an honest conversation is required?

Completely agree with this. Of course any sexual relationship takes two but you need to take this seriously and not just huffily refuse to have sex at all. Is his criticism valid? Is it always the same old routine: he does this, then you do that, then he does this, rollover and go to sleep?

RantyAnty · 19/05/2019 01:06

If you read her previous thread, he is shite in bed. no foreplay, selfish

Windmillwhirl · 19/05/2019 01:09

Sex is a team sport, one member can only be as good as the other, criticising your input is criticising his own in equal measure.

I don't agree with this. Some people are lazy lovers.

1forAll74 · 19/05/2019 01:11

You are fine, and the best, your partner is probably imagining that he is super sex man,, when he has probably been a crap sex man before.

I think that some men have this thing,about being good sexually.but some are total rubbish.

IronManisnotDead · 19/05/2019 01:16

Seriously OP hit him where it hurts and tell him if he was better in bed and actually turned you on, you may be a bit more interested but until that point you will continue to pretend you like it.

Utter twat he is.

SpamChaudFroid · 19/05/2019 01:28

You are fine, and the best, your partner is probably imagining that he is super sex man,, when he has probably been a crap sex man before

Maybe it's the late hour, but I found this hilarious. Super Sex Man and his nemesis, Crap Sex Man.

Josuk · 19/05/2019 01:30

Being on top isn’t an unreasonable or kinky desire on his part.
If it is for you - than I can see how there is no way you two can agree on how good/bad/ok your sex life is.
And I agree with some of the posters saying that rather than getting offended and dismissive - you need to talk and listen.
Or this marriage is doomed.

MustShowDH · 19/05/2019 01:37

"Don't worry darling, I won't trouble you for sex anymore. I'll get some elsewhere."

"It's difficult to be enthusiastic with such a shit lover."

"Fuck off, cunt"

Any of the above should do.

Or, get on top, come, get off and go to sleep. Just use him for sex and see how he likes it.

Mummaofmytribe · 19/05/2019 01:38

Jeez, if you're unhappy with your sex life, you're not going to improve it by being rude and insulting. I would be up for any discussion with my OH if asked. That's reasonable. Having a conversation with someone so nasty, not a chance

DioneTheDiabolist · 19/05/2019 01:39

OP, in a relationship with sexual dysfunction, there is no such thing as a "throwaway" or "lighthearted" comment about sex. The two of you are having bad sex or no sex. Its causing resentment and pain in you both.

Admit it.
Talk about it.
It's the only hope for fixing it. And you need to fix it because its wrecking the rest of your relationship.

Original poster

Har23 · 19/05/2019 09:06

I'm not bad in bed. I am enthusiastic. I go on top I do other things. However what's the point in getting worked up when once he's done that's it for me and I'm left lying there.
I am not been over sensitive about this comment. I think as the mother of his children and as his wife it was a complete and total lack of respect. I have never ever told him our sex is bad or compared to him to any1. I wouldn't hurt his feelings or shatter his confidence.

After his last comment when we would have sex I was very conscious of the previous comment.

I have no problem with him having a friend with benefits before me, y would i when I had 1 myself. But I would never ever compare him with anyone else.

OP posts:

ChristmasFluff · 19/05/2019 09:29

OP, ignore those who haven't read the previous thread. this goes beyond 'communication' problems.

He's horrible.

I hope your next husband is a decent human.

Quartz2208 · 19/05/2019 09:35

I remember your previous thread if I remember he doesnt do anything other than focus on his own needs and demand sex 2-3 times a week.

OP leave him

pickletickled · 19/05/2019 09:37

I disagree with others who say he's attempting to suggest something new.
I've not read your last thread but I assume he knew he had hurt and upset you then, so unless he is a complete butt head - you'd think he would be more tactful in the future.
In your shoes OP I'd not particularly want to have sex with him anymore. Even more so after reading your last post.
Kindly mention to him that he doesn't get to criticize your sexual technique until he sorts out his own. Tell him you've actually never been left so frustrated before. Stop sparing his feelings, he's not currently giving a rats ass about yours.

GinIsHappiness · 19/05/2019 09:38

Next time your at it, and he knocks your performance .... just hit him with a one liner?

Id make a comment and be like
Well, for once I'd like to not fake orgasm but hay ho. I thought I'd spare you feelings. But what does a sack of potatoes know.

Throw it back at him.

What a wanker

Dvg · 19/05/2019 09:42

To be fair as much as he was rude i would be trying to actually communicate rather than getting angry, i would tell him how what he said hurt me but also mention that if he has issues like that then he needs to talk to me about them so we can try to address them.

I have been with some pretty bad people in bed that thought they were doing good but left me feeling .. bored.

My husband and i are compatible in bed but i wouldn't have an issue bringing it up if he slacked in the bedroom but i also feel he shouldn't just make horrible jokes about it but he should definitely feel able to discuss it with you.

Maybe he feels awkward about it so is trying to make a joke out of it rather than having a grown up conversation.

Looneytune253 · 19/05/2019 09:46

So he doesn't bother to make you cum? I think I that would suggest he is the lazy lover and you need to have a good chat about it. Maybe he's projecting? I wouldn't let this go and make sure he's aware that he is the problem and not let him humiliate you with comments when it's him that can't be bothered to do it properly

over50andfab · 19/05/2019 09:54

Not read the other thread but read all the posts on this one.

My first thought was more communication needed, also no point giving tit for tat.

Then reading on...so there is no foreplay, he has his fun, and leaves you lying there OP what’s in it for you? Do you ever orgasm - or is this only as a side effect to his? Presumably you have mentioned this?

Only was to try to solve this is more communication. Perhaps say you should come first next time??

Closetbeanmuncher · 19/05/2019 09:58

I think I would be tempted to cut a hole in a bag of king Edward's, lay them on your side of the bed, and take up residence in the spare room.

I know from the previous thread he's shit in bed, Is he mysogynistic in day to day matters?

It sounds like he learned from porn and has never actually been told he's terrible in bed.

bigbadbadger · 19/05/2019 09:58

It sounds like he's been watching porn. Stupid entitled idiot man.

Springwalk · 19/05/2019 10:02

The time for sitting down and communicating about your sex life together almost certainly died the minute he called you a sack of potatoes.

Wow.

I can not imagine any scenario that I would be able to get past that insult. That would be the death knell for me. I wouldn’t want anywhere near me again. It is such a hurtful thing to say, and exposes how little respect he has for you. Along with him getting his rocks off at your expense, using your body 3 times a week with no thought for you, would be the end for me. We can tolerate a lot of less than perfect situations if there is kindness and respect, but without this you have nothing.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 19/05/2019 10:03

Get rid, don't waste your life with him.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7