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Original poster

DP ‘entitled’ to have a night away from his family

210 replies

30ishiwish · 16/05/2019 20:34

DP asked me a while ago to go and watch a band I don’t like in a city 30 miles away. I said no. He booked tickets and a hotel room regardless.

Fast forward six months. Our children do not want to spend the night with a babysitter(not that I ever wanted to watch this band in the first place) and he is going alone. I work full time, our children do not sleep. Ever.

AIBU to not want him to leave me and our two DC mid afternoon on Saturday to go and stay in a hotel over night after watching the gig when he could drive home? He said he is entitled to have a night away.

Background information: Dp works shifts so I spend a lot of time with our two DC alone and I bend over backwards to ensure that the time we do spend together is enjoyable. I’m shattered. He has never, in the 10 years we have been together, taken me away, booked a romantic weekend etc yet he can book tickets for football and music and even a hotel room. Feeling miserable and taken for granted.

OP posts:
Didntwanttochangemyname · 16/05/2019 20:36

Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

UnicornBrexit · 16/05/2019 20:36

You had the option to go.
You declined.

Original poster
30ishiwish · 16/05/2019 20:37

Yes. This was when he said that he is entitled to have a night away!

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 16/05/2019 20:38

He can have a night away, so can you (together or separately).
It's not really about the night away though is it?

GardenFullofWeedsandKids · 16/05/2019 20:38

But you were asked to go, too? Are you saying that he can't ever get a night away? If it's easier to do things individually than as a couple due to childcare then just make sure you get a night away in the near future, too.

NoAngel1 · 16/05/2019 20:38

My DH regularly (2-3 times per year) has weekends away for his gaming hobby. As long as I know in advance then it’s not a problem and I do agree that he’s entitled to some time off. In return, I’m able to do the same if I wish.
I think that your children being difficult sleepers doesn’t take away from the fact that he should still be able to go away. The fact that he hasn’t taken you out/away is a problem in itself but works both ways I suppose.

CalmdownJanet · 16/05/2019 20:39

Ah come on, it's one night away, surely everyone is entitled to that. Plus he asked you and you said no. Do you take the lead in organising nights away/things to do for both of you or just you with friends?

MrsMozartMkII · 16/05/2019 20:39

And you're entitled to have a night away.

Have you ever suggested going away, i.e. doing it as a surprise for him?

wellballstoyou · 16/05/2019 20:39

well why does he have to have your permission? you declined when invited.

can you not book/ do something similar for yourself in return?

1 night in a travel lodge even, peace and quiet, bath etc......

Hopoindown31 · 16/05/2019 20:39

You complain about your DP not taking you away but you declined such an offer. Is this the first time you've done that?

HotSauceCommittee · 16/05/2019 20:40

You are entitled to a night away too! Book a band YOU like and a hotel or whatever and give yourself the same time out. Anything else is moaning and martyrdom.
You sound like you both need time out. So take it.

Jinglejanglefish · 16/05/2019 20:40

I don't think it's a massive deal tbh, as long as you could have a night away if you wanted. We have a baby and DP's had a golf weekend away and I have a night out and staying at a friend's planned at the end of this month. It's healthy to have some life outside of kids.

Sirzy · 16/05/2019 20:40

If you won’t leave them with a babysitter then how could be arrange a romantic night away?

Parents are allowed to have a life away from the children. Both of you are more than entitled to have time away including overnight. If you choose not to that’s your choice

pointythings · 16/05/2019 20:40

He's entitled to a night away.

So are you. I suggest you plan one and let him handle the kids.

HomeMadeMadness · 16/05/2019 20:40

Assuming none of your DC are newborns I think a night away is fine. I can't see the point in him driving home late at night. Of course you should get the same opportunity for time away though!

Ragwort · 16/05/2019 20:40

I think it’s two separate issues, yes your DH should be able to stay overnight in a hotel (assuming your family budget permits me this). Just as you should book tickets to something you want to watch & stay overnight in a hotel.

Why don’t you choose something to do together, or just go away on your own or with a friend to a show or whatever you like to do. Don’t allow yourself to be a martyr.

Langrish · 16/05/2019 20:40

How old are they? The sentence that leaps out is that your children “don’t want” to spend the night with a babysitter. Well, children don’t want to do lots of things but sometimes it’s necessary, mum and dad deserve the (sounds like incredibly rare) night off sometimes.
Hard to say for sure without ages, but no I don’t think he’s being unreasonable.

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 16/05/2019 20:41

You were asked to go but declined.
So you're saying that because you don't want to do something he isn't allowed to either.
I think that's unreasonable.

wellballstoyou · 16/05/2019 20:42

dh and me regulary have time away as we have different interests and friends. its nice to just "be".

Original poster
30ishiwish · 16/05/2019 20:42

I had the option and declined. I didn’t agree to spend yet another weekend alone. Because of his shift pattern, he won’t be off, with his family, until Sunday the following week.

He saw this band last November and has tickets for their next gig in the autumn. It’s not the gig I have the issue with, it’s the staying overnight, whilst I’m at home, alone, again. He’ll be working nights the week after. Lucky me.

OP posts:
user1471549213 · 16/05/2019 20:42

Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. He wants to see a band and enjoy himself. If my DH wanted to do that I'd be happy for him to go. As happy as he would be for me if I wanted to go away for some reason. We've both independently enjoyed occasions without each other and unless there are other details you've left out such as SN, kids extremely difficult to deal with etc then I think he should go. Sorry.

Book yourself a hotel for a few weeks time go enjoy a nice meal and a few glasses of wine and an early night.

Mammylamb · 16/05/2019 20:43

Honestly OP, let him have his night away.

Then you have a night away another week.

DH has been away for the weekend a few times with friends, as have I. And I think it’s great

AnneTwackie · 16/05/2019 20:43

doesn’t sound like you like each other very much.

goose1964 · 16/05/2019 20:44

You're equally welcome to a night off. Even if you stay home and tell the kids that dad's in charge tonight and lock yourself in the bathroom and have a luxury bath and wear earplugs to bed.

Sirzy · 16/05/2019 20:45

But you have chosen not to go.

If you won’t use a babysitter then what’s the alternative? You both be miserable together?