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Original poster

DP ‘entitled’ to have a night away from his family

210 replies

30ishiwish · 16/05/2019 20:34

DP asked me a while ago to go and watch a band I don’t like in a city 30 miles away. I said no. He booked tickets and a hotel room regardless.

Fast forward six months. Our children do not want to spend the night with a babysitter(not that I ever wanted to watch this band in the first place) and he is going alone. I work full time, our children do not sleep. Ever.

AIBU to not want him to leave me and our two DC mid afternoon on Saturday to go and stay in a hotel over night after watching the gig when he could drive home? He said he is entitled to have a night away.

Background information: Dp works shifts so I spend a lot of time with our two DC alone and I bend over backwards to ensure that the time we do spend together is enjoyable. I’m shattered. He has never, in the 10 years we have been together, taken me away, booked a romantic weekend etc yet he can book tickets for football and music and even a hotel room. Feeling miserable and taken for granted.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 16/05/2019 20:45

If you want a nice weekend away, why don’t you book one? I do most of our booking away.

Hopoindown31 · 16/05/2019 20:46

No offence OP but you are telling your DP loud and clear 'I don't want to spend time with you". He isn't going to think that you will want him to take you away to do something you want to do if you show no interest in him.

Why don't you go and use it as leverage to say "next time we'll do something I want to do"?

YouJustDoYou · 16/05/2019 20:46

It's just one night. If it's the whole "yet another night away" thing, as you say, then I would say you really need to sit down with him and actually talk with him how you're feeling. It sounds like it's imbalanced in your family - you always doing the childcare, him always away?

BlueJava · 16/05/2019 20:47

I think YABU - you chose not to go. However, you should feel free to arrange your own night off, provided you give him good notice when this will be!

Ellieboolou27 · 16/05/2019 20:47

@30ishiwish I get the issue of being in your own and it must be hard as he works nights, but he is entitled to a night away as are you.

I'd book a night away myself with a friend, I think it's important to have a break from family / work, not often but once or twice a year for one night is fine imo.

ConfCall · 16/05/2019 20:47

Is this the full story? Are you ok otherwise OP? It seems - as it stands - like a fuss over nothing tbh.

Ragwort · 16/05/2019 20:47

Quite honestly you sound a bit needy, what’s wrong with being on your own without your DP, how old are your children? If you are ‘lonely’ why not invite a friend round & get a take away.

Why can’t you organise your own entertainment? I don’t expect my DH to be home with me all the time, in fact we rarely spend many ‘nights in’ together, we have friends, interests & hobbies to do in our free time.

Padget · 16/05/2019 20:48

Do you know what - yes we’re all entitled to a night off, I’ve insisted on the same for myself, solo. But I also know how shitty it can feel to feel stuck in the same old same old drudge of sleepless nights, whining and moaning, just life of being a parent. I don’t think YABU. I would love a night away for myself. But I wouldn’t love it if my husband wanted to because I appreciate his support. He probably feels the same. We do it because it feels ‘fair’ but it doesn’t mean you have to like it or be glad about it! I hope the kids are kind to you Smile

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/05/2019 20:48

Why don't the DC want a babysitter?

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/05/2019 20:48

And how old?

ChuckleBuckles · 16/05/2019 20:48

I don't think yabu necessarily OP, you seem fed up and this one small act of him arranging a night away has just made you realise that he doesn't really do anything to treat you.

On the face of it, yes he is entitled to some time away for himself and while yes you could have said yes to going, but I would guess that you feel deep down that you were being tacked on a bit to his interests and no real thought was put into what you might like. Having a partner work shifts/unsocial to family life hours is tough and I suppose it feels like you are a lone parent at times. Do you ever get treated by him, not added on to what he enjoys, but care and attention given to what you may like for a night out that he will do because you would enjoy it?

l0v3f00d · 16/05/2019 20:49

It seems quite mean spirited. I think marriage should be about partnership and doing those things we don't always want to do to make the other happy.

Take your chance to do something that you might enjoy. Doesn't have to be a night away maybe just an evening with friends.

Alsohuman · 16/05/2019 20:49

What difference does the staying away actually make? If he came home it would be late and you’d probably be asleep when he came in. Book your own night away and do something you enjoy.

HotSauceCommittee · 16/05/2019 20:49

I love going to gigs with DH. He goes to my type of thing and I go to his. It’s about the time together and our mutual love of live music. We are still a couple and need time as a couple and this is our thing.
Why won’t you put the kids with a sitter and enjoy the time together?

GPatz · 16/05/2019 20:50

Book something overnight that he wouldn't want to do and when he complains, tell him he had the option to go.

HomeMadeMadness · 16/05/2019 20:50

I do actually see OP's point. Yes she had the option to go but it was to go on DP's choice of weekend away not something that would appeal equally to both of them. It sounds like he's also not around much due to his work and it seems doesn't prioritise family on the weekends he's actually around. OP if I were you I'd make sure you get time away too. Being alone with the kids for the weekend might help him to empathise a bit about what it's actually like and give you a bit of a break.

NoSauce · 16/05/2019 20:50

Have you take him for a romantic weekend away?

BlueSkiesLies · 16/05/2019 20:52

How old are the DCs?

Why won’t you leave them with a babysitter?

Why haven’t you ever had a night away from them?

Why do you make any time with DH ‘fun’ and not normal life?

Why do you martyr yourself?

Janus · 16/05/2019 20:53

I wouldn’t be bothered at all but maybe because I’m used to husband being away lots and then me going away with friends too. Has to be both ways so organise something with a friend? Night in London or a nearby town with a hotel? Full weekend too!

JaneEyre07 · 16/05/2019 20:53

If someone had offered me a night away from kids that don't ever sleep, I'd have bitten their hand off. The only person you're spiting here is yourself.

30 miles is no distance, so it sounds as if your DP was trying to do something nice by adding a hotel room to the evening.

DeeCeeCherry · 16/05/2019 20:53

He asked you to go. You said no. Why should your 'no' mean he's grounded.

There is no human on earth who never, ever sleeps. So your DCs must sleep.

Everyone is different I suppose but to me a relationship and family doesn't = no away time. I don't think 1 night is taking the piss.

BlackcurrantJamontoast · 16/05/2019 20:54

You sound like a miserable joy sucker.

Part of being a couple is that you do things together that one of you wants to do.

It might be fun! This has every possibility to be a romantic weekend if you open your mind.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 16/05/2019 20:54

If dh booked a hotel room away for us I'd be there like a rat up a drainpipe! I'd put up with the band too if it meant a night away alone

Girlicorne · 16/05/2019 20:55

You are both entitled to a night off/night away. He is not being unreasonable but you would not be either if you expected the same in return.

knackered · 16/05/2019 20:56

Leave the kids with babysitter whether they like it or not and go and have some bloody fun! You sound resentful and you need to shift that energy before it becomes divisive in your relationship.