DP ‘entitled’ to have a night away from his family

[30ishiwish]

DP asked me a while ago to go and watch a band I don’t like in a city 30 miles away. I said no. He booked tickets and a hotel room regardless.

Fast forward six months. Our children do not want to spend the night with a babysitter(not that I ever wanted to watch this band in the first place) and he is going alone. I work full time, our children do not sleep. Ever.

AIBU to not want him to leave me and our two DC mid afternoon on Saturday to go and stay in a hotel over night after watching the gig when he could drive home? He said he is entitled to have a night away.

Background information: Dp works shifts so I spend a lot of time with our two DC alone and I bend over backwards to ensure that the time we do spend together is enjoyable. I’m shattered. He has never, in the 10 years we have been together, taken me away, booked a romantic weekend etc yet he can book tickets for football and music and even a hotel room. Feeling miserable and taken for granted.

And some children do this for 2/3 years. It does happen and its shit.

This thread is mumsnet at it's worse. Horribly catty posters who are either unable or more likely unwilling to read between the lines so lay into OP @Cheeseandwin5 you're a prime example. I assume you're not a total moron so you know full well what OP means when she says her kids don't sleep. There is no reason to assume that OP is lying about her children sleeping badly.
Sounds like OP can't just book a night away because her DH is always working. Maybe she wants an actual weekend together as a family since time together is so rare. Your DH sounds a bit useless.

Agree with you holes. I am also baffled by all the posters saying that OP should go away by herself. I love spending time with my family. Maybe she does too (don't most of us?).

Honestly I think you are being a little unfair too op. He works nights (not easy) and you don't mention him having much of a social
Life outside of this and he wants to see a band he likes on one of his rare ish weekend nights off. I know it's hard when one partner does shift work but I think if a Woman posted from your dp point of view. She'd be told to go watch her band.
On the other side. You absolutely need to get yourself some additional help and find yourself again. Try and take up a hobby that you enjoy.

Ok I seem to have rattled a few cages here.
I have had 4 kids and they have had varying sleeping patterns. I did have alot of support from DH but I did the lion share as he was working.
I dont think you will find many mums who have not suffered.
I have to say it really annoys me when people say thing as if none of us have gone through it or worse.
It would be interesting to know how old the kids are but in my view they will not be toddlers.
In my view the OP is making a rod for her own back and then blaming her husband and then totally exaggerating matters.

I have to say it really annoys me when people say thing as if none of us have gone through it or worse

Yet you implied she was lying?

It would be interesting to know how old the kids are but in my view they will not be toddlers.

Nothing said so far has implied that.

In my view the OP is making a rod for her own back and then blaming her husband and then totally exaggerating matters.

So which is it? You know how it feels when kids don't sleep, or you don't? Because saying she's exaggerating when you don't know how they sleep is pretty presumptuous.

My DD is 3 and still wakes up at least once every night, sometimes twice. Worse when she was younger. I still think both me and DP are entitled to time away alone, without the other two.

DC1 is a teenager. Significant sleep issues due to an incident about 18 months ago. Will not allow themselves to drift off. Spends the night wandering in and out of our room, needing constant reassurance and crying. We’ve had CBT, counselling, prescribed diazepam and sleeping pills, hypnotherapy and something that I forget the name of but involves tapping. CAMHS involvement. Often gets to 4:30am and they just say that there is no point even trying to sleep anymore as we get up at 6am. Literally no sleep. They can be in and out our room 14 times a night. I know as I have a sleep app that records everything. Youngest DC has picked up on it and is often woken during the night and then has difficulty getting back to sleep. Things have improved since the hypnotherapy so I was very reluctant to send them to sleep at the GPs.

DH has many hobbies (some which require very expensive equipment and travel), he also plays football, watches football, has bikes, gym membership and this is why he has booked annual leave during the week, to pursue these hobbies. I have hobbies too, which I use babysitters for (they don’t involve sleepovers).

He has been to watch this band twice already during the last year with a third gig booked towards Christmas. He also watched another band, much more famous and aged in November and I went with him. Not really my cup of tea but we had a great time and came home as the babysitters were at our house.

We both have a good social circle and my DH regularly meets up with friends, many of whom he has known since school (our kids have an amazing number of god fathers).

He just does an awful lot without us. He seems to opt in and out of family life as he pleases.

I’m not what many of you have made me out to be. I’m not unreasonable or needy. I have a great but very challenging career and somehow manage to hold everything down and paint a smile on my face. I also deal with a major illness.

I spend an incredible amount of time alone, am absolutely knackered and juggle everything. I feel as though I am totally taken for granted. I have told him and sent him the link for this thread. We are currently maintaining a strangely calm, stoney silence. He hasn’t taken the higher ground, even after reading some of your comments, as (I think, we haven’t discussed it) what some of you have inferred really isn’t our reality. Hopefully things will change.

He went, used the spa facilities and by all accounts had a whale of a time.

We went out for dinner, cinema and spent Sunday hiking.

I just value the very occasional weekend we have together as a family.

You've got a lot to deal with. I hope things start to improve one way or another.