to be annoyed that DH phoned our au-pair to speak to DD?

[yowhatnow]

Today is DD2's 6th birthday. 'D'H moved abroad several weeks ago. Yesterday I asked him to stay awake for 7am our time so that he could be on video call when I wake up DD.

As I am knackered at the moment organising everything for the 3 DCs and have had a really hard weekend, I snoozed my alarm once. When I then wake up properly at 7:08 our au-pair (who is lovely) is coming downstairs with DD. So I quickly call DH and they say 'we have already spoken to him.

Turns out that at 7:00 he called the au-pair and then she went to wake up DD. So I missed the morning moment which I (and they) love on their b-days.

I have been working my ass off ensuring she has a nice b-day. Getting a gift she really wanted, wrapping is, decorating her chair, preparing to have pancakes in the morning, etc.

I am pissed off that DH couldn't just wait 10 minutes for me to ring him.

AIBU?

But he was the one who was ready at the time you specified. I think it was you who was in the wrong, not him.

Have you separated?

no, we haven't separated.

You should have been up on time OP.

If he's in a different time zone and was having to stay up for the call, you were in the wrong for snoozing your alarm.

he could have also asked the au-pair to check if I am awake. I am in the room next to her.

To be fair, she did send me a text (not very useful as I put my phone on airplane mode at night of course).

You said stay away and call for 7am, so he called at 7am, he was ready at the time YOU said not his fault you weren’t awake.

So you missed the morning moment what ever that is but you had the child for the day and got to actually see them, all dh got was a call.

What time was it where he is?

In fairness he did as you asked?

Reading between the lines OP...is this really about a birthday or is it about the fact he's moved abroad?

Yes. Sorry. You arranged a time and overslept; and he's overseas and had no idea what was happening or if you'd forgotten to call him. He called someone who was awake for what had been planned.

I'm sorry that you missed it, but you overslept. It would have been nice of them to wait, but I suppose if the moment was waking DD up, she may well have woken up before you did anyway...

This sounds hard, I hope things get easier.

Oh come on, you must see you are being unreasonable?! What time was it with him?

If your husband is overseas why is your phone on airplane mode at night? What if there’s an emergency?

So not only were you not awake your Au pair tried to alert you and you didn't respond. Your DH was definitely not in the wrong.

Oh this sounds complicated.

You wanted to share the happy birthday call but missed it, but you get the birthday girl in person. Hold onto that.

I can see why you’re upset, but he did nothing wrong. As PP have suggested, it’s --blindingly— obvious that there are wider issues here.

I get that you're tired OP, but you asked him to be ready at 7am and he was. If it was so important to you, you shouldn't have snoozed your alarm. If your phone was on airplane mode, he wouldn't have been able to ring you, so he called the au pair. No doubt she didn't want to come in to your bedroom, so tried texting you instead and got no response.

I actually think you are the unreasonable one here, but feel there's something else that is causing this. You put the D of DH in commas, indicating he's not so much a Dear Husband, just a husband. Why has be moved broad? Was it against your wishes?

It’s unfortunate that you slept in but it’s just one of those things and it isn’t dh’s fault. If anything I think my priority would be making sure my kids got to speak to h given that he isn’t there so I would be glad he got to do that.

desperate to ask why you're referring to not being separated but your DH has moved abroad and you turn your phone to airplane mode at night

Your DH was not in the wrong. It really isn't a big deal. As long as your daughter got to speak to her dad that is the main thing.

YABU

How does he know you would have called back in 10 minutes? You could have snoozed your alarm another 5 times for all he knows, or forgotten to set it at all in the first place.

It was pretty rude of you to snooze it in the first place considering you knew you had a prearranged time.

Calling at a time you specified. How dare he. LTB.

Jeez. Get over it, move on, enjoy your dd's birthday (I take it she enjoyed the call with her dad?).

Erm...he was told to ring at a time, he rang at that time, perfectly actually. The children wanted to speak to him, understandably, so they did. It's a shame you overslept I know how it's hard looking after children and super tiring, but you did oversleep so I'm afraid you missed it due to that.

Reading between the lines OP...is this really about a birthday or is it about the fact he's moved abroad?
Possibly :)
He decided to move agains our wishes. I am left picking up all the slack. I have not been able to sleep more than 5-6 hours a night for the past week. So I find him not being able to wait for 5 minutes -pathetic- annoying.

What time was it where he is?
Midnight. Did I mention I have been up until 1am regularly this week to get shit done on top of my full-time job?

If your husband is overseas why is your phone on airplane mode at night? What if there’s an emergency?

He lives abroad. I don't like to have a phone that is transmitting signals close to me the whole night through. I am not sure I can think of an emergency that I can help with being 1000s miles away. If something terrible has happened to him, I assume that the police would come to my door.

The OP didn't oversleep though, she made the decision to press the snooze button at 7am when the alarm went off.

It's him who should be annoyed at her for deciding that her sleep was more important than talking to her husband at an agreed time.