Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

[midcenturylegs]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

@Notcoolmum I feel ok about his reply. I still think he should have text first. But, time will tell now if he is interested. The ball is in his court

Thanks @shitwithsugaron

marlboroandmalbec34 have not.rtft but Ant330 has good advice

I don't get why a guy should text first. If I want to text I text. Nothing worse than phone watching and wondering. Glad you text him @lifegoes he replied so now the ball is back in your court. If you like him ask when he's free and arrange the next date

Well lifegoes that's a very good sign then. Whilst I do agree with notcool that guys should message first after DTD, I think you get so much outside input about not looking too keen, not messaging first etc, that it's a bloody minefield unless you've been OLD for years.
He could quite easily have been sat thinking "don't look too keen, I'll message after lunch". Who knows, but I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt, just remember the little warning signs and see if they become a pattern of behaviour you don't like.
Now crack on and arrange your 2nd date ;)

@lifegoes well done for taking control! You can't control how anyone treats you, but you can take charge of yourself and how you react to how you're being treat. I've never been one to sit round waiting on a man... or anyone for that matter!
Judge him now on his actions going forward

Ha ha!! Same goes shitwithsugaron I could ever explain this IRL!!

Glad you feel ok with it lifegoes and well done for taking back the control and not feeling helpless waiting for him to message.

lifegoes like you I would prefer if he texts first (if a more relationship thing, wouldn't care with fwb) but would have done like you if he didn't and his reply was nice.

You make a good point ant wasn’t there some nonsense circulating about waiting 3 days at some point? I’d feel AWFUL if someone I slept with waited that long to get in touch with me. Game playing makes OLD so hard. I’m hopeless at it. I invest so early I’m too honest and trusting. I just want to meet someone it all seems normal and natural with (and to a large extent that’s how it is right now with Mr S).

marlboro I understand it's not easy but if he's not going to make you happy in the long run it's better to do it now than later. Plus no other man stands a chance while he's still in the picture, you may end up discounting somebody who could be right for you given the opportunity to demonstrate it.
Sending virtual hugs as I know it's tough, but others have done it and come out the other side in a better place ;)

I did post about my impending first first date, though I think it got lost as it was just before egg-gate
Did not have a chance to squeeze in a loo update, so am reporting back now. Nobody died, and I managed not to spend the whole time staring at my shoes, had lunch and had a wander in the sunshine.

Talked about myself way too much, mainly due to terror of possible award silence, as a result didn't ask enough questions or listen enough. Also did my usual trick of being a a bit (very?) physically distant, though I managed a brief hug before parting.

Said I would keep in touch, could not bear to breach the subject of meeting again in person . Think I am having trouble processing all the emotions and start feeling overwhelmed/welling up, if I start to think about it, don't really know what to think.

Any advice and/or firm slaps to the face welcomed

@StarryUnicorn did you like said date? Do you want to see him again?

starryunicorn have you been single a while? Do you know why you find this so difficult. Perhaps you just aren’t ready to date yet? Sorry if I have missed a post on your back story.
After my ex partner cheated on me I did a run of dates as I was determined to get back on the saddle but I just wasn’t able to open up to anyone or make a connection. I then left it YEARS and was definitely in a better place this time around. Although it did shock me that after years of being single and independent and building barriers, just how quickly you can feel vulnerable and exposed to being hurt.

notcool yep I'm the same, trusting and honest. 3 days! If somebody did that to me, I'd have already lined up a weeks worth of dates and be replying with eff off when they eventually messaged me!
Think I probably struggled to wait 3 mins after getting home from meeting MissOz
We were very open right from the start though, we both said we don't like the game playing so it's never been an issue. Should I find myself swiping again then I will do exactly the same if I like someone.

@Ant330 should I take it as a bad sign he didn't text yesterday?

starryunicorn "egg-gate" haha

What is causing the feeling of being "overwhelmed/welling up"
To be fair most people prefer not to broach the subject of what happens next on a first date, well unless you're sharing a duvet at the time.
It saves having to awkwardly tell somebody you don't fancy them in person, or just giving you some thinking time to decide.

@Notcoolmum

Don't get me wrong, I think he should have messaged. But I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Just lifegoes should be a bit careful and take control of the situation, imho. But the less gamesmanship on either side, the more likely of a better outcome in the longterm. I think fair to say, men are emotionally less switched on. She is worry about why he hasn't texted, he is thinking about what he is going to have for his tea tonight.

The only time I dtd on first date, I got told she didn't want to see me again, the next morning still lying next to her so there was no need for further texting!

starry lol at egg-gate. I felt the same as you after my first OLD date and told the guy that’s how I felt. There’s no harm in being open. Took about a week to process all the emotions then I made contact again. Next meetings were great (excellent DTD after 30 years with one man) though we didn’t take it any further after that.

Re texting after dates. If you have something to say, just say it, don’t wait. Life is short.

Question.. Any singles who have met with couples on fab how was the first meet?

I have onr scheduled obvs!!

lifegoes does he seem like a decent guy, in terms of manners and morals?
If you thought he was a player than it could be a bad sign. However from your posts I don't think that's the sort of man you're after, so I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.
But there's no harm in bringing it up when you next meet. Not in a "why didn't you message first!" manner, just a casual jokey "were you trying to play it cool then" :)

@Ant330 he seems like a really decent guy. Morals are there, he took me out yesterday afternoon after the night together. He asked to see me again, we exchanged past relationship issue. He said he def wasn't like that. That's why I expected the text from him, or at least the common courtesy of saying this isn't for him.