Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

[midcenturylegs]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

@Ant330

Not in a "why didn't you message first!" manner, just a casual jokey "were you trying to play it cool then"

Disagree with this, Ant. If he was playing it cool, then he is hardly going to show is hand on date two. Maybe when you have the measure of someone and there is a mutual trust. At that point, do you really want to rake over this, as it isn't really relevant if you have moved on to a better place.

shitwith I am not ready, but that's part of the problem, had to try sometime didn't I? For various reasons I wouldn't expect contact until this afternoon anyway and it has been every few days until now not like you lot

Not cool Backstory is no relationship at all, ever, avoidant personality traits and have been seeing a therapist for a few months now. I don't really think I can be ready per se, it is more like exposure therapy is needed, so I can learn that not everyone in the world hates me. (Posting about this here isn't easy either).

@MrDrummer I won't mention it. He replied straight away, I felt it was a nice response with the beautiful part in. We've exchanged a few messages. I'd like to think now if he wasn't interested he would let me know.

Yay lifegoes all sounds good. Looking forward to hearing about the second date and no pressure but he needs a name!!

Me too ant 3 days and I’ve be all angsted out, revenge swiping and they’d be blocked!!

starryunicorn is your therapist up for you dating? What sort of age range are you if you don’t mind me asking?

@lifegoes I think you are in an good place. Just try to stay grounded and let us know how you get on. If anything wigs you out, ask the thread first. We have you covered :)

lifegoes I think that’s a great response. Well done for messaging first, he may have been sat thinking just the same as you.

Thank you for your support putastraw pony and Ant he won’t ever give me what I want from him but I am sat reading our past messages realising how Un attached I have come across and wondering what would have been if I had been more honest. Completely forgot all the rules havnt I 🙈

shitwith I wish I could find a bookworm so I could let Mr Big go. Thank you so much for all your support hopefully mine is a swipe away 😁

Drummer I can't knock your reasoning, but if something is on my mind or has gone unanswered then I will raise it. If somebody doesn't like the question well then that probably gives me an answer, maybe not the one I want but an answer all the same.
Everybody is different though, and lifegoes the above isn't intended as advice to you, it sounds like you're moving nicely in the right direction now.

Notcoolmum I may fess-up to my therapist later in the week, or I may not

I have already mentioned so don't mind, I am so close to 40, that I may as well just say 40.

@ponyprincess me too so watching replies with interest!!!

@Ant330 I am looking from a logical point of view. If it was actually happening to me, I would probably blurt it out and self-sabotage!

crikey this thread moves fast

well my experiment in RL dating appears to be coming to an end. The 'relationship' I've been in is just cooling off. I actually hate this bit as I'd rather there was a definitive end but I don't think I'm going to get that satisfaction. It has made me really sad today because I've realised what i'm going to miss. Me and dp got on so well, I'm not sure I will ever meet someone whose interests are so aligned with mine and who likes doing the same as me. It was the easiest relationship I've ever had. But we just could not get our shit together - I think largely because he wasn't into me as much as I was into him and it showed. He has decided to completely pull back this week and it's been a shock to me - I think I took our conversations for granted and I feel like there's a gaping hole today where he used to be. But if I wasn't right for him, this would never have worked and there were an enormous amount of red flags from him.

I don't know when I will go back on OLD. I should do it sooner rather than later otherwise I will talk myself out of it. I've decided to set myself this weekend as a deadline - I will allow myself to wallow a bit till Saturday then I must just force myself back on that horse! I haven't done it since October!

6 pages already?? WTF guys

ponyprincess I have met a FAB couple and the first meet was a social meet. We went out dancing but it could easily have been a drink in a pub. We just chatted about general stuff and didn't really go into the details of what we were looking for from each other. We then arranged for me to go round to their place one evening for the actual threesome.

I found the social meet okay but found the threesome awkward as I realised that I didn't really fancy the guy at all, so I had to ask him to stop touching me. I got on really well with the girl and tried to see her separately, but her OH wasn't happy about it so we have not met up since.

Sorry daffo

Thank you so much shitwith Bookworm sounds lovely 😘

Bloody hell I only started this old in Feb as a bit of fun and it’s basically shit!

Okay, I got a first date this evening with a man we'll call Mr Teach. He teaches special needs children which really attracts me to him as he must be patient and caring. One of my DC is autistic. He has no children of his own however. We haven't been chatting for long, but after the drama that was Mr BMW, I'm not messing about.

Had some really good news today (non-dating related) so I'm feeling chipper and giggly. This may boost my attractiveness in this date?

Ok @Notcoolmum we'll call him Mr Legs

I'm glad you all think it's a good response, still a bit miffed he didn't text first but I can only see how it goes now. I really hope either way he's honest with me and if this isn't for him he lets me know.

Thank you @MrDrummer for your advice. This is a difficult one for me, it's my first "real" OLD date and online DTD so I'm quite apprehensive on what to expect etc as I can see already I'm over investing.

@DaffoDeffo why is it cooling off has he said that? What has changed?

The 'relationship' I've been in is just cooling off

Sorry to hear that. Do you like him? There are ways of igniting the interest again. I highly recommend this Youtuber:

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Come and have lunch time glass of wine with me on a bench - not sure what we should call it? "Unsuitable men r us" or something? How's the giving up smoking going?

@DaffoDeffo Sorry to hear your news. I've had this before - I was way more into MrAbs than he was into me (benefit of 20/20 hindsight).

Marlboro sorry to hear that.

lifegoes I'm glad you messaged first and got a lovely reply.

Daffo what's happened?

lifegoes we had a date where I did something a bit out of character. I wouldn't say it was a bad thing as such, just an unusual thing and tbh I think it happened because I was already feeling like something wasn't working.

He really seized on it and spoke to me about it as if it was the end of the world. If I was being brutal, I would say he was looking for something that would give him an excuse. After that he cancelled our next date (for what could have been potentially a valid reason) but did send me a message saying he missed me. I wasn't 100% sure he really had a valid reason for pulling out of it so got a bit suspicious and felt like he had pulled back a bit. I called him out on it, he hated the fact that I did and he said it was clear I didn't want him. I tried to reassure him that I did, the damage was already done, we were meant to have another date over this last weekend (nothing was pre arranged, just a day - but nothing happened) and he's stopped messaging me.

there's a lot more to it but i don't want to be too outing but that's the bare bones.

@lifegoes You're welcome. Probably not such a good idea to DTD on first date unless you are really in a good strong position to handle rejection afterwards. The one I mentioned was my first OLD date too and getting unknowingly used for a ONS really messed with me. I am not making a moral judgement (we are all adults (tm) ) but a practical suggestion to protected yourself.

DaffoDeffo sorry that your relationship is cooling off. With hindsight I think I was far more into my previous OLD relationship (the one that dumped me in Jan/Feb who I shall call Mr Tiler) than he was. I still miss him and no-one I have dated since has been up to scratch. I have tried a threesome and dated and dtd with Mr Outdoors aka SexPest to try and get him out of my head, but it is a struggle.

One of the reasons Mr Tiler gave for dumping me was that he was intending to renovate a house that he was going to buy with the proceeds of the sale of his flat and he would not have time for a relationship. I have just found out (from Rightmove stalking ) that the sale of his flat has fallen through and it is back on the market. Is it very mean of me to be slightly pleased about it?