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Original poster

Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

999 replies

midcenturylegs · 22/04/2019 21:36

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

OP posts:
JeSuisPrest · 23/04/2019 00:09

@MrDrummer - emotional train wreck just about sums it up at the moment, but tomorrow is another day as they say. I do like MrCornish very much - he is one of the nice guys and handing my heart over to the bad boys to continually get it back with pieces missing is getting me nowhere fast.🤷‍♀️

One of them had to go and I fear I may as well have flipped a coin and would have been just as upset at losing either of them. My own stupid fault and I've learned from it.

Eesha · 23/04/2019 00:11

placemarking!

CKfan · 23/04/2019 00:19

@JeSuisPrest I really feel for you, I've had a tough weekend after a recent POF fling I invested in way too much went wrong but that was only 2/3 weeks, so after 6 weeks it must be much tougher.
However its dressed up feels like rejection which is always hard to deal with no matter what stage of life you are at, but it'usually always things going on in their lives and not you that's the cause.
I know its no consolation but you're not on your own in what you're going through, be kind to yourself and deal with it however you feel is best for you, I personally prefer to distract myself by getting back out there but sometimes you may need some time x

JeSuisPrest · 23/04/2019 00:23

@30somethingandsingle I'd be worried about that change of communication style as well, but if you're not messaging him, maybe he's thinking you're about to ghost him?

@Notcoolmum Have got date 3 with MrCornish on Wednesday night, I shouldn't think I'll hear from MrPlumber until after then, given what's happened tonight. I'm certainly not meeting up with him for a platonic drink whilst I'm seeing MrCornish, I'd be really upset if someone did that to me with a recently ended ex.

MrDrummer · 23/04/2019 00:24

@JeSuisPrest

My own stupid fault and I've learned from it.

It's understandable you feel that way, but please try to be kind to yourself. You couldn't have gotten to this point with those experiences. It could not have happened any other way. I just feel that if Mr. Plumber was meant to be, it would have been. Thoughts are with you tonight. Flowers

supercali77 · 23/04/2019 05:39

@jesuisprest sorry to hear things have had to come to a close with mr p :( you've handled it like a grown up though. Small consolation i suppose. 🌹

DaffoDeffo · 23/04/2019 05:50

Place marking for later

Well done to all those on the smitten bench!

Lollyjack · 23/04/2019 05:54

Placemarking.

TooOldForThis67 · 23/04/2019 05:58

@JeSuisPrest - What you have described is exactly what I went thro with MrWow last year. We dated for nearly 9 mths. We both had some issues and I felt it was for the best. We'd msg occasionally as friends and saw each other a couple of times. We even gave each other advice about OLD recently. I've compared every date to him and they came up lacking especially in the bedroom. Yesterday was supposed to be just coffee and walking the dog but when it came time for him to go, he just couldn't. He was very emotional and just came out with it - I love you. He admitted that when I blocked him on WhatsApp while seeing MrGardener, it broke his heart and he realised that he loved me but was to scared to tell me. Now he can't stop! It's an amazing feeling. I haven't said the words yet. I think I need all this to sink/settle in. It's there but I want to saviour it a bit and let it come out of it's own accord, if that makes sense!
So JeSuis - see MrCornish and put MrPlumber in the back of your mind. Que sera sera.

JeSuisPrest · 23/04/2019 06:15

@TooOldForThis67 Thanks. The sex was the best I've ever had and I will miss that however shallow that sounds. Perhaps it was so good because of the connection we had? As you say que sera sera.

ponyprincess · 23/04/2019 06:15

lifegoes hope you hear from him today

jusuisprest sounds hard... Focus on what makes you strong and the could be distance from Mr Plumber for a while

Eesha · 23/04/2019 06:35

@TooOldForThis67 The MrWow story sounds soooo romantic, I have been following for a while and really thrilled for you.

@JeSuisPrest you have handled it all maturely, glad you have an iron to fall back on and hoping this softens this tough period for you.

I think I might take a break again, not seeing anyone who takes my fancy and my bout of food poisoning last week has weirdly made me think I can't be bothered! Have a rescheduled date on cards this week but not sure how that will pan out if it actually happens, MrTeacher. The online friend date who I turned down because there was no attraction plus clearly had mental issues told me yesterday i was his ultimate woman but 'in your world, I fear you might just be any other woman' to people. Essentially that I was never going to meet anyone who wanted me like he did Sad. Made me nervous he might be right and that my abusive ex might just be the last relationship I ever have had

CassettesAreCool · 23/04/2019 06:46

eesha I might be reading it wrong but if he is saying that if you turn him down you will be alone forever sounds like a horrible mind game on his part.

Eesha · 23/04/2019 06:55

@CassettesAreCool I think you're right a bit, he is just hurt as thinks I was his 'great hope' as he puts it. He has completely put me on a pedestal which I don't deserve. But he did scare me with his words as I'm yet to find anyone I have any real connection with, has been about 18months since my breakup

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 23/04/2019 07:05

Found you all!
lifegoes I hope you hear from him but if you don’t please remember it’s him not you Flowers

jesuits oh that message. Oh bless you. At least you can try to focus on Me Cornish

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 23/04/2019 07:19

I said I needed advice on the last thread. I don’t I need someone to hand me a bloody grip please

Mr Big messaged me yesterday saying he MIGHT have to cancel our sleepover tonight as he feels unwell. I am not sure if this is true or he is blowing me off. We usually message a lot but it seemed to really slow down this weekend. Maybe cos we were both busy with our kids, maybe he had genuinely felt unwell or maybe it’s just not working any more ☹️

I have so overinvested, he was my first OLD and the first person I dtd with since leaving my stbxh. He made it clear it would always be casual and there is no way it would work for either of us as a LTR but I feel really sad. I sent him a “hope you feel better soon” message and I am going to leave it. If he is genuinely ill he will message today as his message was “might” and “see how he feels today” I will try my very best not to message and ask (although that feels cold. If a friend had to cancel plans due to illness I would message to see how they are!)

Like jesuis and Mr Plummer none of my irons compare and I actually want to date now so I think I need Mr Big out of my head. Did some mass swiping last night

Right finding a tiny violin to take to work

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 23/04/2019 07:21

eesha that’s such an odd message. Have you met him? Please don’t feel like that YOU will find someone great it’s just this old is a slog! Take a break if you need to Flowers

TheStuffedPenguin · 23/04/2019 07:28

jesuis the reason I am commenting is because I had exactly the same situation and yes mine wanted to stay in touch and be friends too - guess what happened ? Yes we ended up in bed again and again and again until I finally saw sense . Nothing had changed from before . I know how hard it is so all the very best !

Musti · 23/04/2019 07:37

@jesuisprest I think that message is very unfair of him. Basically I read it as he wants you hanging around. When I've cared about someone but known that there wasn't a relationship, I haven't given them false hope like this and I don't contact them for their sake. For example, there is a guy I saw briefly last year who is lovely and I enjoyed talking to him and spending time with him, sex etc but I knew that there would never be a relationship. He wanted it though so although I reply when he messages me, I dont encourage anything and don't write anything to give him hope. I've recently split up with my last boyfriend of a few months and it would have been so easy for me to contact him and get him over but I don't think it's fair, so I don't.

@eesha that's toxic and ignore it. When you are attracted to someone it's easy to see that others would also find the object of your attention, attractive. I think you dodged a bullet there by not being attracted to him. Ignore what he says.

Sunshineandflipflops · 23/04/2019 07:38

Good morning everyone. @JeSuis sorry to hear about MrPlumber but I do believe if you’re that perfect for him, he will be with you.

I’m feeling a bit moody this morning and need to vent so that I don’t do it to MrSAS. We spent the weekend together, had a really lovely time (perfect mix of in bed and out in the sunshine doing coupley stuff).
Yesterday his messages slowed down a bit but that’s fine as I was busy and I assume he was too. We usually message in the evenings though but after one delayed reply to a message, he didn’t reply to my next one (wasn’t read either) until about 1am when he messaged to reply to me and to say sorry for the delay, he had been out with friends. I then got another good morning one early this morning.

I do t even know why I’m pissed off, but I am. I guess he just doesn’t look at his phone while he’s out. I don’t expect someone to be constantly on their phone when out with someone, in fact I would hate it but I just felt a bit rejected last night and now I don’t want to reply to him but that’s just stupid. Aaaaaggggghhhh 😤

supercali77 · 23/04/2019 07:43

@eesha do not let the words of a complete stranger affect your confidence! He's trying to undermine your choices and chipping away at your value to do it which makes him an arse! 18 months...doesnt matter. Ive been single for nearly 2 years so....you're not alone. It only takes 1 right man

supercali77 · 23/04/2019 07:49

@Sunshineandflipflops totally understand that. Ive had similar feelings especially if texting is continuous and then theres a blip....particularly after a great weekend together....This is the really tricky bit of dating i think.

Ant330 · 23/04/2019 07:50

marlboro put to one side whether he is genuinely ill or losing interest, and just ask yourself if he is giving you what you want or is likely to do so. If he's not then you know what to do ;)

Lollyjack · 23/04/2019 08:09

Glad I’m not the only one who is feeling down about old. So it was either take a break from it or start swiping, I did the later I must be mad lol. Hope you are all ok. You have no idea how this thread is helping. Thank you all xxx

BatshitCrazyWoman · 23/04/2019 08:11

TooOld happy for you !

Eesha he's almost negging you - he's an idiot. Don't give him another thought and certainly don't meet him!

JeSuis like a previous poster, something like this happened to me. We did keep in touch, had sex occasionally. Basically a complete mind fuck. I didn't 'recover' until I cut all contact, but had to put my big girl pants on to do it. I know it's hard but I would cut all contact. He knows where you are if he changes his mind. Big unmumsnetty hug because it feels shitty.

Spent Saturday to Monday with Mr BC. Had a fabulous time. Still smitten.