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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

999 replies

midcenturylegs · 22/04/2019 21:36

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

OP posts:
supercali77 · 28/04/2019 18:17

@ccgirr how long have you been seeing him? It's maybe just shaken him a bit? Give a little bit of space tonight and send a lighthearted jokey thing about it tomorrow?

JeSuisPrest · 28/04/2019 18:18

@MrDrummer Yes, tomato sauce from the beans, get yer mind out of the gutter - how rude 😳😂

supercali77 · 28/04/2019 18:19

@jesuisprest woohoo for Mr Cornish pulling it out the bag last night and living up to his words! A nice guy with a naughty side has got to be the golden ticket for sure!

MrDrummer · 28/04/2019 18:22

@JeSuisPrest I didn't even think of the double-meaning side of it... it was just bizarre thing to call tomato sauces, that's all. But now you've got me thinking of the innuendo meaning... Shock Shock Shock

ccgirr · 28/04/2019 18:22

Eesha yeah you prob right though if I had been, you’d think I’d have read dates. I never even thought of that side 🤦🏻‍♀️

lifegoes · 28/04/2019 18:22

Oh ladies I need a shoulder to cry on. I am so angry.

The GF has sent me a message of a screenshot from him saying I'm behind this fake account that told her. I'm absolutely not and swear on my kids life. I've gone mental telling her it's not me. I asked her for his number and text him stating I was furious and how dare he say it was me when I have been nothing nice to his GF. In the message to her he's called me everything.

He won't reply to my message and she saying he's ignoring you.

I feel like going to his work tomorrow. I can handle some things but not when I've done nothing wrong here and been accused of alsorts.

I'm absolutely distraught that anyone could think I'm an awful person or would even do something like this.

I've sent him screenshots showing how I found out from her and that I didn't know anything about her etc.

He's still just ignored it. So In rage I told him that if he couldn't me a man and talk to me about these accusations then I'll go to his office 🤦🏻‍♀️.

I just lost my temper and the more he ignored the more angry I got.

This is awful.

supercali77 · 28/04/2019 18:23

Recipe for heartbreak : 3 of my dearest school freinds came up to visit me from home (I moved a few hundred miles away). Dinner. Drinks. Dresses. Dancing. Feeling as rough as a badgers arse this morning but it was an absolute tonic.

supercali77 · 28/04/2019 18:27

@lifegoes honestly step away from this triangle drama. He's trying to get her hooked again by making you the bad guy. The more involved you get the more crazy making behaviour he's going to pull. The man is a toxic wasteland and his gf needs to block and move on too.. but that part isn't your problem. Nor is what he's saying about you to her, or how he slanders your reputation. That's all on him. Cut them both out completely

ccgirr · 28/04/2019 18:29

Life goes- omg what a shit. I absolutely don’t think you should go to his office though. Try and rise above.
Drummer- oh no you’re right it sounds awful but she uses it quite a lot so didn’t seem unusual. Has games on there.
Supercali- just over 6 months.
I guess I’ve just got to see what happens and if I’ve ruined it I’ve ruined it.

supercali77 · 28/04/2019 18:30

Of course he's ignoring it. He knows full goddam well what's happening - he's spinning tales to put a seed of doubt about you in her mind. Then he'll try and work on her to get her doubting the entire thing. That's my bet. He is the one in the wrong here you don't need to justify or explain any of his bullshit to him

Eesha · 28/04/2019 18:31

@lifegoes go no contact with them both, they aren't adding any value, just dragging you down

ItsAMiracle2015 · 28/04/2019 18:35

lifegoes not your drama!! Who gives a shit if you did tell her?! Like that makes it okay what he's done??!! Why does she care if you were the one that told her??!! Clearly she's upset about the right things then 👍. Block them both!!!

Notcoolmum · 28/04/2019 18:35

Aw lovely to hear jesuis and batshit.

ccgirr he must really trust you to leave you alone with his 4 year old DD so I’m sure you will be able to smooth this over. You were in an awkward situation having her ask about messaging her mum whilst you 2 were alone.

lifegoes I hope you know I feel like I care for you despite only knowing your MN username and dating tales, and I mean this with nothing but care for you but PLEASE leave this toxic couple alone. It really doesn’t matter what either of them think of you. They are not relevant people in your life. Block them both so they can’t contact you again and throw yourself into something else to get past the anger. Yes they are both cheeky so and sos and he is an absolute twunt. But the wonderful news is they are not your problem. You get to walk away and leave them to their toxic hell.

vwman · 28/04/2019 18:36

@ccgirr personally I would let him be and give him space so that he can work out how he feels about things and you. This is where you find out how attracted he is to you on a scale of 10 if he is at an 8 he will forgive you. If he is at 7 or lower he may not do so.

lifegoes · 28/04/2019 18:40

Thanks all, I won't go to his office I just reacted to his lies and made him think I will.

I feel like I've made myself look like a nutter by messaging him in the way I did. I just got so angry when she sent me his message and the way he spoke about me. I couldn't believe he was saying it was me.

"I've lost a genuine girl by thinking I'd found an amazing woman who turned out to be a nutter and Has ruined my life" 😫😫😫😫😫

lifegoes · 28/04/2019 18:42

Thank you @ItsAMiracle2015 and @Notcoolmum I don't know either of you, but feel like i do know you.

I've blocked her on Instagram and his number across everything. Then I'll delete it later in the week.

I don't want this drama, I've done nothing but be bloody nice to her.

ccgirr · 28/04/2019 18:42

Fab message to life goes not cool. Totally toxic!
Thanks vw I think you right it might tell me what I need to know

LilyRose88 · 28/04/2019 18:44

ItsAMiracle I suspect we do live close to each other. Handy if one of us needs to vent in real life. You can always PM me if you like.

ccgirl I think your reaction was natural and hopefully he will realise that. We are all entitled to a wobble.

JeSuis so glad you are on the smitten bench. That date with Mr Cornish sounds amazing. Send me some lucky sparkle dust and hopefully I will join you at some stage on the bench.

MrDrummer · 28/04/2019 18:44

@lifegoes Both of you are being gaslighted. Hard to recognise when in an emotional state, but it is what it is. I hate being lied about too, but this is a sinking ship that will take you down. You need to jump to a life raft for yourself. You can't save her too.

vwman · 28/04/2019 18:46

@lifegoes its simply the blame game playing itself out between both of them, they are both blaming you as a Jezabel. Block all communication channels from them both and move on

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 28/04/2019 18:49

lifegoes grrrr I am angry for you but I promise the best thing you could do is block the lot of them and rise above. Flowers

LilyRose88 · 28/04/2019 18:49

lifegoes my goodness he is a piece of work. How dare he try to blame you for everything. What a manipulator! I'm not surprised you were angry but please do try and step away from this drama. You have lots of support on this thread and we all have your back. I'm sure some of us would be happy to receive a PM if you want to rant about it some more.

lifegoes · 28/04/2019 18:49

@MrDrummer oh my god this is totally gaslighting I couldn't see it. But you are right.

@vwman So true.

Does it not look strange if I just suddenly block her?

lifegoes · 28/04/2019 18:51

I don't think I could ever thank you all enough. I'm sat here in tears and not for what he's done but because I can't believe a handful of strangers could be so supportive and helpful.

I hate being called a liar as one of my core morals is to always be honest.

Thank you xxx

MrDrummer · 28/04/2019 18:54

@lifegoes

Does it not look strange if I just suddenly block her?

This is your problem right here, in a nutshell. ^ re-read it. You are caring what she thinks. This is the big problem. If you don't care, it doesn't matter what it looks like. I don't know how to suggest you "stop caring". But this is the issue at hand and this is what you/we need to work on.