Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

[midcenturylegs]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

@vwman that’s what I meant by asking if it means he doesn’t respect me or, during sex do I become an object?

I would say that hair pulling is quite common. If you don't like it, say so

I've had men put their hands on/around my throat (sexually) and I just take it off. I'm not into that

@Imin2minds he needs to see you as a person and respect what you want, this sort of behaviour can easily spill out into every aspect of your life, its slightly narcissist behaviour, its about him only and what he wants rather than about what you both want

Isn't it amazing what a drive out does down the beach. I feel refreshed and ready.

@Imin2minds I think the fact that he reacted in a positive way (removed his hand immediately, didn't try it again) when you gave him a non verbal sign that you weren't comfortable with what he was doing is a good thing and shows you have a connection whereby you can pick up on each others cues without making a big fuss about things and ruining the mood and one or both of you getting upset by it . He tried something, you didn't like it, he responded the way you wanted him to - this is how it should be - both ways - I've done some stuff that some guys love and need no persuading, some hate and have said they're not into it, and some have said they'll try it and see what happens 😂.

Soooooo, is there room on the smitten bench for at least one bum cheek for me? Date with Mr Cornish went well - out for dinner, brilliant conversation, funny, easy on the eye, the sexual tension was definitely rising when he suggested we skip dessert. He mentioned a completely filthy text I'd sent him earlier in the day and said he'd found it very hard (!) to do much after he'd read it (he was in work). Left the pub and he made my knees buckle when he drew me into a doorway for a long snog, with no prompting from me. Couldn't get back to his quick enough. Hopefully seeing him again mid week. He's got that whole gentle giant thing going on - managed to ravish me and remembered that I don't like my bean juice touching my fried egg when he made breakfast this morning. 😳 There's something to be said for nice guys with a naughty side.

I am really lucky as I can walk to the beach. I usually run alongside it but have been on the bench for the last four weeks since I sprained my ankle falling down some stairs (on a date!). The sound and smell of the sea really lifts my spirits.

Thank you all for the kind replies.

I do already have her blocked everywhere and hadn't looked for months until last weekend which bought up all those feelings again - I'm ok now though and you guys honestly do help. It wasn't her FB I looked at, I was just drunkenly looking through my whatsapp and went into the blocked list, she is the only one on it and I stupidly clicked the number which bought up her profile pic there as she obviously hasn't got me blocked. I wish that the number, photo, etc didn't show in whatsapp.

You're all right though, I doubt I'll ever know if she is a narcissist but she is certainly on that spectrum and isn't a nice person and has it in her to be cruel and unkind to others. The person I fell in love with in those first few months didn't exist.

Right, I've got a date on Friday evening at a local pub and a date on Saturday afternoon at a café in the next town near my gym. The Friday date is with Mr Sales and the Saturday date is with Mr FX Trader. I wonder whether either of then will cancel? Gosh I am becoming a pessimist!

@richdeniro that's why I never block I always delete the number. It stops me looking, trying to reach out in moments etc.

It's very rare I've had to block someone as if they message I delete it before I've read it.

Delete her number and unblock.

@Imin2minds it really depends on how you feel about it. Don't feel you should be ok with it if you're really not.
Me and DP tend to swap with who's dominant depending on what mood we're in but he's usually followed my instruction as to what I like/ how much.
I am into a bit of hair pulling/ choking but he only ever does it if I put his hands there.
Do you feel comfortable enough to chat about your boundaries with him?
DP and I have kind of talked and figured it out as we've gone along and explored each other. We're about 9 months in now though so very comfortable with pretty much anything and everything at this stage, after 4 weeks though we were still quite polite with each other 😬

Rich I have been guilty of cyber stalking exes in a very moderate way - google searches mainly- so I do understand how tempting it can be. And yes I look at my abusive exe's WhatsApp picture from time to time as well. It really doesn't help though and like you I'm sure it would feel like I'd been punched in the stomach if I saw him playing happy families with someone else. But as others have said, it isn't healthy and a photo doesn't tell the whole story. Try to focus on how much better you feel about yourself now that you are not in an abusive relationship. I would rather be single than be unhappy, and I'm sure that you would too.

Definitely a porn thing imin2minds. I’d tell him you don’t think it’s your thing and not in such early stages and see how he reacts. He didn’t try and push it after you moved his hand which is a good sign I think. I’ve experienced this too. Sometimes it feels ok. Sometimes not but I’ve known I’m safe so I’ve not freaked out.

@JeSuisPrest

The is something that cannot wait and we need to sort out straight away... I mean what the fuck....is... bean juice?!? You are talking about tomato sauce from the beans, right?!?

@LilyRose88 I think you may live near me 🤔.

With regards to the hair pulling & choking thing, it's all about boundaries. If you're not happy tell him you're not comfortable with it. If he does accept that then you know what you have to do 🤷.

*doesn't

Oh god I think I’ve really self sabotaged everything and need serious help. Staying at irons all great. We were awake early dtd and because such a nice morning he asked if I was ok with him going to exercise. His dd was with me all great and then she went on his iPad and into messages and showed me a message asking if was her mum with a kiss emoji. I looked realized it wasn’t and had complete melt down. Text and said knew he was cheating. So he dashed back and messages were 2 years ago. I have apologized and said I didn’t even look just got upset but he’s gone very quiet. Have I ruined everything? I’m such an idiot

ccgirr you've apologised so there's not much you can do. It's an honest mistake. Although what do you mean by DD asking if it's her mum? How old is DD?

She’s only 4 so can’t read well. She thought she could message her mum- his ex. But this message was not from her. I think he’ll think I’m a psycho and probably am

Imin I agree with JeSuis that it was good he didn't try again after you'd moved his hand. What other people like/don't like sexually is completely individual. There is no 'normal'. I cannot bear that word applied to sex/sexuality. The important thing is that he respects your boundaries.

lifegoes I hope you're okay.

I'll budge up a bit on the smitten bench JeSuis - and I agree about the nice guys with a naughty side - that's Mr BC. We admitted we were falling for each other last night ...

ccgirr all you can do is apologise for jumping to conclusions. I don't think it's psycho but then I'm probably a little psycho sometimes 🤷. I would just give him a bit of space if I'm honest.

I want to be on the smitten bench!! 😩😩😂😂😂

Thanks it’s a miracle guess I’ll see later tonight 🙁

ccgirr I think it's a fairly normal conclusion to make, many of us would panic and not read the messages properly. You've apologised so I hope he comes round and realises you're not a psycho.

Glad that it went well JeSuis after your doubts the other night.

@ccgirr I'd just be honest, say what happened and then leave it for a while. You can't really do much more, I suspect you need to get the message across that you weren't snooping. That would piss me off more than having a meltdown

@ccgirr I think in hindsight, it would be better to not get drawn into something like that but saying to his dd (without looking) "I am not sure, how about wait until your dad gets home and message her then". Sound like a recipe for disaster all-round tbh, to be looking at the other person's device without permission. If he has boundary issues with an ex previously, then that would be a big trigger for him, potentially.