Reader, I ditched the bastard
.
Not immediately, took more than a year since my post here to realise I will never forget. I did forgive him - to err is human - and we lived a semi-content existence (to a casual observer). But the trust was gone and every time he’d call to say he was running late I would doubt his explanation and reach for his iPad and hit the Find my Device app to confirm his whereabouts by checking his phone location. And every time he set off early for work, I’d do the same and when the app invariably confirmed that he was in the office, I’d wonder if he was perhaps, having it off with the cleaner, or left the phone on his desk and arranged a little rub&tug nearby.
We we’re having sex and, technically, it was working fine for a bit. For me. If I thought about Antonio Banderas or Adan Canto. Less so for him and he would cry and say I felt distant and repeatedly ask me if I loved him. To which I would say ‘of course I love you’ out loud. And quickly add ‘NOT AT ALL, in my mind. I guess some of you will find the idea of having sex with a confirmed sleazebag appalling and I can see your point. But it turned out that I am able of compartmentalising as well. So the less judgemental, but curious amongst you, my thought process was: I’ve had him checked for STDs, I need my pipes cleaned, he’s available. End of. And it worked for a bit but I finally (Aug 20) got to the point that I realised that a) I don’t love him, b) I don’t trust him, c) I don’t need him and d) he dribbles when he sleeps, e) the little sports car that he bought me only a month earlier doesn’t comfortably fit him, my two kids and the huge dog I rescued from Romania. Fido (not his real name), is a crossbreed so you never know what genes have crossed. So can’t blame the lovely volunteers at the rescue for advertising him as ‘medium sized when fully-grown’. There’s nothing medium-sized about him. Anyway, he’s a lovely dog and I digress.
I felt awful when I told him I wanted out, he cried, threatened suicide, ask what he could do to make me change my mind and repeatedly said I was the love of his life. And once he’s realised that my mind was set, tried to threaten me with financial repercussions. I’m not going to go into detail here but I just asked him if he really wanted a fight, fine but did he really want his parents, kids, cousins seeing the texts he sent to the hookers? And has he considered the impact it would have on his teenage daughter to know that her beloved daddy abused girls not that much older than her only because he could afford to and they happened to have been born poor and didn’t have a choice? Amazing how quickly we agreed we would say he ‘just’ cheated. Would it not scar her for life?
I actually asked him if he wanted the car back but he said to keep it. Guess he wanted to have some leverage as he said ‘keep it’.
As for my parents... yes they were disappointed, yes they asked if there was a way could fix things but ultimately they were ok. Not exactly supportive with their ‘you’re too old to find anyone else and who will look after you when you get really old’ comments but that’s pretty much what I expected.
Fido missed him for a long time though, it was sad.
I am rambling. I better stop and take him out for a walk. But in essence, I am happy, single but with a lovely exclusive fwb a few years my junior. Oh, and have I mentioned Botox? Had the lines on my forehead slightly tweaked, worth every penny!