I've made a mess and don't know what to do next.

[TheyKnewIWasTrouble]

NC for obvious reasons.

Many moons ago, my childhood sweetheart and I broke up in our early 20s. We still had 3 months on our tenancy and in that time managed to conceive DD.

I was made redundant and moved in with my parents 100 miles away, and he moved back too. Things weren't good. We fought mercilessly. When DD was 4 months, he started a relationship with an old friend. I cut her off immediately - a mix of jealousy and ruthless PND. They're now married with a kid of their own. He's maintained regular contact with DD, but the wife and child have never met DD. It’s an awkward arrangement, but DD (now a tween) has a brilliant relationship with her dad. He also provides very generous financial support.

But… we never stopped sleeping together. We sometimes stop for 6 months or a year. We sneak around and obviously, DD has no idea. I also have a partner of three years.

Recently his wife has been contacting me. I just ignore her.

Oh, and my period is 2 weeks late. I’m almost 40 and should know better.

Wow.

So is the baby your partners who you fucked over from the beginning or your ex?

How can you be nearly 40, have conceived in your early twenties and only have a tween?

SandrasAnnoyingFriend I tried to keep the dates vague... I suppose it was more mid 20s, and 40 is still a few years away.

What do you want to do?
Keep the baby and pretend it's your DP's?
Keep the baby and be a single mum?
Keep the baby and hope your childhood sweetheart leaves his wife for you?
Terminate the pregnancy and tell no one?
Tell no one and keep sleeping with your ex?
Tell no one and stay with your DP?
Or what? ...

That is quite a big mess. What are you going to do re the baby? Do you know who is the father?

Period is late, still too afraid to pee on a stick.

Why has your dd never met her half-sibling?

Don't you think it's about time you started taking responsibility for your mess and put your dd's interests more to the fore?

Why have the half siblings not met?

If you have never stopped sleeping together then there must be something there surely? Have yous never discussed getting back together?

Dragging it out on here is t going to help when it’s all currently speculation.
Do the test, then either way you can get some guidance / thoughts from Mumsnet if you wish

Does dd never ho to her father's home? How old is the sibling?

I hate it when I get impregnated by a rental agreement.

What a fucking mess. Do neither of you think of your children?

Pee on a stick immediately. Take it from there. Worrying about it won't make you any more or less pregnant.

Are you trying to get ideas for a book you are writing? Reads like a blurb to me!

I'd stop it right now - whatever happens next everyone is going to get very hurt.

Pee on a stick, tell your DP that you've been cheating on him, stop sleeping with ex, tell ex's poor wife that he's a bastard....

You can't make any decisions until you know for sure if you're pregnant or not. Do that and take it from there

Well, you've fucked up royally haven't you?

The first thing is to find out if you are pregnant. Then, regardless of the outcome, the honest and honourable thing to do is to tell the truth to all involved and let the chips fall where they may.

Barring that, at least stop cheating on your DP.

This can't be real. I hope not. So wrong

You need to have a REALLY good think and be honest with yourself about why you've been doing this at all, and for so long as well.
Your DD must be about 15/16 from your vague dates, why have you allowed your ex to cheat on his partner with you for her entire life?

You've been the OW to their relationship for their entire 16 year relationship....

A tween has never spent time with her father's family? Not a Christmas, a holiday, a family gathering? Why not?

Going in the direction of your current moral compass, I would say lie and tell your new partner the baby is his and let him raise it regardless.

Keep going with your nasty seedy affair and continue lying to the innocent woman, man and children in this little drama of your life until they find out and their worlds collapse while you think hey ho, I really should have known better...

I'd agree that it looks like a complete mess, but if you are pregnant, couldn't you assume it was your partners and raise the baby together?

Stop sleeping with your ex btw!!
I wonder whether you're asking because you secretly hope the baby is your ex's, and this might trigger a reunion with him. I do also wonder why your DD hasn't ever met her half siblings. Seems vindictive to cut her off from her family like that and what for - jealousy over the fact your ex married your friend, not you?

We sneak around and obviously, DD has no idea.

She's a tween (apparently). She knows. At that age they pick up on all sorts of signals without that adult filter that makes you go "no, can't be, they wouldn't do that". I would also say she's probably a very, very confused tween. Dad married and has a child and she's never met wife or child. Mum and dad separated but still sleeping together. She'll spend half her adult life in therapy poor kid.

Wow that is a mess.

First things first, pregnancy test, the rest, deal with after.