I've made a mess and don't know what to do next.

[TheyKnewIWasTrouble]

NC for obvious reasons.

Many moons ago, my childhood sweetheart and I broke up in our early 20s. We still had 3 months on our tenancy and in that time managed to conceive DD.

I was made redundant and moved in with my parents 100 miles away, and he moved back too. Things weren't good. We fought mercilessly. When DD was 4 months, he started a relationship with an old friend. I cut her off immediately - a mix of jealousy and ruthless PND. They're now married with a kid of their own. He's maintained regular contact with DD, but the wife and child have never met DD. It’s an awkward arrangement, but DD (now a tween) has a brilliant relationship with her dad. He also provides very generous financial support.

But… we never stopped sleeping together. We sometimes stop for 6 months or a year. We sneak around and obviously, DD has no idea. I also have a partner of three years.

Recently his wife has been contacting me. I just ignore her.

Oh, and my period is 2 weeks late. I’m almost 40 and should know better.

Nearing 40.
Late period.
Just as likely to be early stages peri menopause.

Pee Ye on a stick. Now.

Learn from this who you are, what you really want.
Are you really a woman who has unprotected sex with someone who will or cannot commit with you?
Consider how your DD would feel if she found out you & her father are fucking about?
If you want a friend with benefits, is he the best you can do?

Use contraceptives FFS.

What a mess. You need to start being more responsible. If you are pregnant then you'll need more maintenance from the dad. He 'll be named on the birth certificate. So you'll have to tell your partner?! Your poor child will be affected by this. Get a test done asap. If you are pregnant please don't lie to your partner and tell him he's the dad when he isnt.

This is weird.

So where do you go when he has the run of the house?

Why has she never met his other family?

So Monday to Friday your Ex does school runs and hangs about in your house getting his dinner/making the dinner, getting a shag off you, etc like he lives there.
Except he goes home at midnight to his Other Family.
Does your DD know her Dad has another family and she has a half-sibling?
It's an awkward arrangement because of the high levels of deceit.

As if.

DD and ex basically have the run of our home during the week. He does school runs, has never missed a parents evening, they go away camping together in the summer, etc. They're definitely ok

When does he spend time with his wife?

When do you see your partner?

Cool story bro

Do you actually want to answer anyone's questions, OP, or are you still working it out?

Partner at weekends it appears.

What does your DD think your Ex does at weekends? And where is she at weekends? Has she met your partner?

If this bears any resemblance to the truth then this is my take. I wouldn't have a baby if I didn't know who the father was.

Hang on, if ex spends the week with your dd having the run of your house, when does he see his other child? I do wonder if either of you have any thought for your children at all

Sounds like the pitch for the next season of Big Little Lies. Yeah, needs work though OP, you'll have to throw in maybe a corpse (new wife? your DP?) and an unforeseen complication or two like when tween gets older and falls for hitherto unknown half-sibling; that's if you really want to amp up the edge of seat drama for the end of season finale cliffhanger of course.

So in what way is his wife “trying” to contact you?

well I hope you feel better getting that off your chest OP. Good luck with the pregnancy test.

Unbelievable

I just don’t see how this can possibly be true. Sticking a pin in the timeline issues, which I accept could be because of a desire to keep it vague, it’s simply not possible that your daughter could never have met her sibling, nor that your ex’s wife would be happy with her husband hanging out at your place throughout the week and goes away camping with his daughter at the weekends. It’s also completely incredible that your partner wouldn’t have noticed you sleeping with your ex if it’s all happening at your house. This has to be a plot for a bad book.

wow - you are shagging your ex, and giving no thought to his wife, or your partner

disgusting

Have you been using protection reliably with your ex and your current partner. Just trying to figure out if there's a more likely father.

But yes this situation is a mess, and you know it. You need to stop seeing your ex now, and cross your fingers you're not already pregnant by him.

I also find it utterly bizarre that your DD has a half-sibling and step-mum she has never met when she has such a close relationship with her Dad.

OK, there are a lot of questions that I'll try to answer before skipping out again.

Firstly, thank you to most people for not being shitty. It's nice when people on the Internet aren't shitty.

It's worked fine so far for some reason. He's not here every weeknight, usually 2 or 3 depending on DDs and our schedules. He predominantly works from home, so his schedule is flexible. It started because he lived in ropey shared houses and I had my own place. Then it continued. It just worked, and it's all DD has ever known. They go away during the holidays, sometimes just the two of them, other times with his sister and her kids.

I don't want another baby. I have a disability, a small house and plans for when DD flies the nest. We use contraception.

I don't know anything about what he tells his wife or when he spends time with his other child. We've kind of fallen into don't ask/don't tell territory. She's started texting me, asking me questions, etc.

My partner and I don't live together as neither of us has a big enough house at the moment. He has met the ex and they're civil. My partner has a pretty good relationship with DD.

Whatever happens, I need to do something.

Angelfish - I would NOT buy this book.

Mess is an epic understatement.

All the lies and deceit you have condoned and actively been involved in against your daughter, your current partner, the wife and child of your ex and no doubt, if you are pregnant, another child.

Honesty is clearly not one of your qualities, OP.

I feel most sad for these two siblings who have never met despite living in the same town.

Wishful thinking ?

Greenlabels - we don't live in the same town.

It's worked fine so far

🙄 oh, well that's all fine and dandy then isn't it.