I've made a mess and don't know what to do next.

[TheyKnewIWasTrouble]

NC for obvious reasons.

Many moons ago, my childhood sweetheart and I broke up in our early 20s. We still had 3 months on our tenancy and in that time managed to conceive DD.

I was made redundant and moved in with my parents 100 miles away, and he moved back too. Things weren't good. We fought mercilessly. When DD was 4 months, he started a relationship with an old friend. I cut her off immediately - a mix of jealousy and ruthless PND. They're now married with a kid of their own. He's maintained regular contact with DD, but the wife and child have never met DD. It’s an awkward arrangement, but DD (now a tween) has a brilliant relationship with her dad. He also provides very generous financial support.

But… we never stopped sleeping together. We sometimes stop for 6 months or a year. We sneak around and obviously, DD has no idea. I also have a partner of three years.

Recently his wife has been contacting me. I just ignore her.

Oh, and my period is 2 weeks late. I’m almost 40 and should know better.

I hope this isn't real. I really, really do.

All you can do now is atone and be honest with everyone involved. You owe it to your partner to come clean.

Does your DD only meet her Dad in McDonald's on a Sunday.
Does she know that he has another family?

Difficult situation but I don't know how to properly tepky as I feel a bit judgey towards you. 3years isn't a one off or an accident. It's deliberate and planned. Think of the hurt that's for everyone involved. The only one that it won't affect is you. His poor woman and child. Your daughters relationship may change with him but you come out alright

Sorry I’m not buying it

Forgot your partner there too!!

Recently his wife has been contacting me. I just ignore her

Think she's onto you? I think I'd be finding out

Ultimatum time to the ex, who you clearly want back. You two either make a go of it properly, or you stop forever and you say nothing about the baby to anyone else. If the latter though, he has to keep up his relationship with your DD or you will be coming out with the whole story to his wife.

Is this real

So you have been fucking this man all the way through his marriage and your relationship.

Dont you give a shit about the child you two have in the middle of this shit? When this comes out, what about the impact on her?

Ultimatum time to the ex, who you clearly want back. You two either make a go of it properly, or you stop forever and you say nothing about the baby to anyone else. If the latter though, he has to keep up his relationship with your DD or you will be coming out with the whole story to his wife.

What fuck?

Poor kid having parents like you two

I will pee on the stick. Boots on my way home, for sure.

The wife knows. I'm sure of it. She's not an idiot. He doesn't get home til midnight, she can't possibly believe he's with a school-age child at that time.

My partner works away Mon-Fri and is a wonderful, caring and trusting individual. We don't live together. He doesn't know.

DD and ex basically have the run of our home during the week. He does school runs, has never missed a parents evening, they go away camping together in the summer, etc. They're definitely ok.

I don't want my ex back. Ironically, we could never trust each other enough to be together again.

Your daughter “has a brilliant relationship with her dad,” but he hasn’t bothered to introduce her to her sibling?

I don't understand why either of you would enter another serious relationship while you were still sleeping together.

" but if you are pregnant, couldn't you assume it was your partners and raise the baby together? "

Christ.

Would you even want the baby, Op?

So what is your plan?

If you don't want your ex back, why are you sleeping with him? Why are you ruining another marriage, that involves your child's step-siblings, and potentially putting your DD's relationship with her father at risk?

Stop sleeping with him. Work out why you were. Clearly new DP isn't enough, or you've got an inherent need to feel wanted, or you've got feelings for him... work it out and work on it so this doesn't happen again, ever.

Then figure out what you are going to do. I am a passionate believer that it is unbelievably unfair to let a man raise a child that is not his, so I would have to tell DP, it would tear me apart. You may or may not feel the same.

Do you want another child?
Would DP want one?
Is your relationship serious and progressing, if you don't live together after three years?

You've massively betrayed him. Do you want to stay with him?

You need to know if you are pregnant, you need a plan of what to do if you are, and you need to stop sleeping with your ex regardless.

Oh dear, that is a mess. So I assume you don't know whether the child (if you are pregnant) is your partners or your ex's? Do you want another child? Would it make a difference? The cowards way out might be to have an abortion, stop shagging the ex and pretend none of this ever happened.

By the way, does your child know she has a sibling? I just wonder how long you can keep this going for? Surely at some point, she will either find out or if she already knows, will start questioning why she can't meet her half-sibling. For the sake of your relationship with your daughter, I would try by recognising that the kids probably deserve to know each other?

Your poor daughter. Both of her parents are too self absorbed to think about her needs. If it's true that she has never met her family.

Don't bring another child into your fucked up world. You don't even sound like you care about breaking up 2 families. What a scummy person.

Wow!!

What a soap opera.

Can not be real

I think you need to find out if you're actually pregnant first. If you are, do you know whose it is... or is that up in the air?

Real classy

Why hasn't she met his wife and kids?