I've made a mess and don't know what to do next.

[TheyKnewIWasTrouble]

NC for obvious reasons.

Many moons ago, my childhood sweetheart and I broke up in our early 20s. We still had 3 months on our tenancy and in that time managed to conceive DD.

I was made redundant and moved in with my parents 100 miles away, and he moved back too. Things weren't good. We fought mercilessly. When DD was 4 months, he started a relationship with an old friend. I cut her off immediately - a mix of jealousy and ruthless PND. They're now married with a kid of their own. He's maintained regular contact with DD, but the wife and child have never met DD. It’s an awkward arrangement, but DD (now a tween) has a brilliant relationship with her dad. He also provides very generous financial support.

But… we never stopped sleeping together. We sometimes stop for 6 months or a year. We sneak around and obviously, DD has no idea. I also have a partner of three years.

Recently his wife has been contacting me. I just ignore her.

Oh, and my period is 2 weeks late. I’m almost 40 and should know better.

It's more likely to affect the ex's child I would have thought, if he and his wife were to divorce because of this which is entirely possible as it sounds like she's suspicious anyway.

Regardless of who is most affected, it's still not a nice way to behave.

So @TheyKnewIWasTrouble whos the daddy 🥳

You don’t like a passive aggressive insulting label such as handwringing being put on what you are saying, do you? But it’s ok to do it to someone else whose opinion differs from yours. I see you.

No I said no one was hand wringing. You really dont like people disagreeing with you do you. I see you too!

No it’s not ok IF she is emotionally affected, but it’s hardly the worse thing that can happen to a child, although the slating the OP was getting you would have thought so.

Ah so having the relationship she has with her parents being damaged isnt the worst thing that can happen, so what's the big deal.

Maybe you should look up the damage parents can do to their kids through 'just' a bit of emotional damage?

Since when was the parenting bar set at 'nots the worst think you could do'?

No I said no one was hand wringing. You really dont like people disagreeing with you do you. I see you too!

Just as nobody is virtue signalling.

Oh I know the harm that could be done, but let’s get down to the facts -

OP has got pregnant, she doesn’t know who the father is. It may be her “partner” - in “” as they don’t live together - it may be her ex’s. She’s been shagging her ex for years behind the back who was the OW to her originally. She may have a termination and dump the ex and her daughter is no wiser, she may have the baby and take the fall out and in a couple of years time it’s old news. Nobody knows how resilient her daughter is, nobody knows if her daughter gives a stuff if she meets her half sibling, why all the hyperbole and supposition when the bare facts are the OP is up the duff and doesn’t know who’s it is, and has been shagging her ex. Hardly the first woman it’s happened to, and probably not the last.

Oh dear....you are getting a bit boring now. It's simply a case of standing up for this woman regardless

The bit about vulture signalling was me saying people who think the OP isnt putting her daughters emotional wellbeing at risk (note the word risk not definite damage or harm) are naive or just virtue signalling. And yea I stand by that.

I dont believe any decent parent would risk their childs emotional well being for a shag. That why I posted that i felt sorry for her child, the other child and both partners. That's what was questioned. Why I felt sorry for her child

Because I feel sorry for any child who has a parent that would put them at risk for a shag. Never mind a child who has 2 parents who do it.

OP suspects the wife knows. If the OP and her ex haven't stopped shagging in the last 10-12 years it's unlikely to stop now.

There could be all sorts of fallout from this and it will impact BOTH kids. OP clearly doesnt give a fuck about the other kid. But neither has she stopped shagging the ex either and giving a shit about what happens of it's all found out.

What she and the ex are doing is disgusting and most likely, will impact the child. And most likely in a profound way.

But it's ok, cause there worse things you can do to your kid

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

Ive yet to meet a tween that wouldn't even be curious about their father's family? Or want to meet their sibling. It's almost unbelievable.

I bet it's twins.

Oh dear....you are getting a bit boring now.

Pot. Kettle. Black.

I am off to signal my vulture

Not quite sure why some people are trying to pretend what this woman is doing isnt that bad. Mn is an odd place at times. Sometimes seems that some people on here will twist themseleves in all sorts of knots to justify poor behaviour and poor parenting, because it's a woman that's doing it.

have a packet of these all to yourself OP.
Then go see your GP

because it's a woman that's doing it

I have to agree.

I imagine if the man in this situation had posted, people wouldn't be excusing it by saying 'it's okay, you're hardly the first man this has happened to and won't be the last'.

ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe

Definitely, if OP was a man no one would be defending them. Or pretending the fall out isn't going to be huge.

A vagina is a free pass to act like a shit on MN though.

Didn't really notice a gender specific post.
We all have arses

I imagine if the man in this situation had posted, people wouldn't be excusing it by saying 'it's okay, you're hardly the first man this has happened to and won't be the last'.

Absolutely!