I've made a mess and don't know what to do next.

[TheyKnewIWasTrouble]

NC for obvious reasons.

Many moons ago, my childhood sweetheart and I broke up in our early 20s. We still had 3 months on our tenancy and in that time managed to conceive DD.

I was made redundant and moved in with my parents 100 miles away, and he moved back too. Things weren't good. We fought mercilessly. When DD was 4 months, he started a relationship with an old friend. I cut her off immediately - a mix of jealousy and ruthless PND. They're now married with a kid of their own. He's maintained regular contact with DD, but the wife and child have never met DD. It’s an awkward arrangement, but DD (now a tween) has a brilliant relationship with her dad. He also provides very generous financial support.

But… we never stopped sleeping together. We sometimes stop for 6 months or a year. We sneak around and obviously, DD has no idea. I also have a partner of three years.

Recently his wife has been contacting me. I just ignore her.

Oh, and my period is 2 weeks late. I’m almost 40 and should know better.

Why do you behave like this op?

This any use?

www.itv.com/jeremykyle/be-a-guest

You’ve taken a beating op, deserved or not it’s pretty tough.

You just need to weigh everything up. Look at every possible scenario and if you do choose to continue with the pregnancy what would that look like, who would be involved, would you have to own up and try and start again completely?

@ToEarlyForDecorations

The internet brings out some very nasty individuals.

Your comment about the OPs child falling pregnant was unkind and uncalled for.

Your Ex friend obviously can't talk to her husband can she . She shouldn't be bothering you after all these years when you stopped contact with her.

If she has any questions, she should direct them towards her H. If she doesn't trust him, she should leave him. I don't have an ounce of sympathy for her.

She probably fancied him during the time you were together.

Your issue now is the pregnancy, continuing in your relationship with your DP and putting an end to sleeping with your Ex.

Well that’s a jump, you have no reason to presume OP’s child is unhappy from the sound of it she gets input from both parents and is loved and cared for, as for the other kid who knows their parent hasn’t posted.

I didn't say the children weren't loved and cared for.

Though it seems the man in question doesnt spend that much time with his second child as he is too busy carrying on with the OP.

Anyway, you dont think this will impact that child. They dont know their half sibling. And life could implode for her.

When op and her fuck buddy get found out, and they will, what happens if the wife forgives him. Do you think this man will still be spending all week with his dd? When the child gets older and wants to know their sibling and find out the story, do you think they arent going to feel her dad was only around when he could fuck her mum. She wont think that her parents put their shitty affair first.

Or this mans wife leaves him and he has 2 kids to see away from their mothers. He wont be around as much. There will be lots of drama. The mums partner will disappear out of their life. Her life will change. Again because her parents couldnt put her well being first.

If you think either child will come out of this unscathed or not damaged in some way, then you are either naive or purposely closing your eyes to it, to so you can virtue signal about how unjudgmental you are compared with everyone else.

*The internet brings out some very nasty individuals.

Your comment about the OPs child falling pregnant was unkind and uncalled for.*

SandyY2K - yes it does.

It won't be long though will it ?

@ToEarlyForDecorations

Please do share how you have surmised the OPs child will also be pregnant before long?

@Frenchmontana

Who’s virtue signalling? The child may not even want to know their half sibling? This thread is full of people making wild and unfounded assumptions about the two household set ups from the quite minimal info provided by the OP.

I have an adult son who has never met his dad - his dad’s choice - son knows who he is but is not interested in trying to contact him, likewise his half siblings - I can’t say it has ruined his life or caused any adverse incidents - in his words - he simply doesn’t care as they weren’t around when he was growing up so he doesn’t see them as family. Their loss. Who’s to say the OPs DD won’t feel the same?

And to say a 15 year old girl will soon be pregnant is actually vile, the PP saying that must be a very bitter and twisted individual.

Yours is a very different situation. The relationship with his dad wasnt in danger of imploding because you and his dad chose to keep sleeping together.

Your son may not want to knit his half siblings and that's fine. But that's not what happens the majority of the time.

These situations fuck kids up. Or rather let's say, they risk fucking kids up.

Anyone who would put their kid at risk of this blowing up and emotionally damaging them because fucking their ex is more important, really needs to evaluate their priorities.

Whether the OP gets off on knowing she has one over on this woman, or just enjoys the sex or has no morals or enjoys the fact she can have him whenever she wants.......she is putting her child wellbeing at risk for it.

This isnt simply about getting pregnant by accident. The girls parents have spent 10-12 years, putting their sexual kicks in front of what's best for their daughter.

The OP has let her partner become involved in her daughters life. Always knowing she is fucking someone else and it's probably all going to end badly.

You can sit and say 'it might not impact the child when they are older because it didn't impact my son' but it doesn't work that way for everyone and why would a decent parent risk it?

I am sure your son came out of it ok, because you put your sons emotional needs first. You, probably didn't do something for 10-12 years that had the potential to destroy his secure life.

You are virtue signalling. Because you are trying to find ways of making out you arenr judgemental and better than everyone else. To the point you are ignoring the consequences of this.

Also, what someone else had to say about the child getting pregnant, is nothing to do with me.

Yes the comment about the daughter being pregnant was bizarre and I'm not really sure of the relevance at all.

But I agree with French above. And let's not forget the other child who may have to face the very real possibility of their parents divorcing once this is out in the open.

Of course lots of parents divorce but people always go on on MN about how much it can affect the children.

Oh and to me a 10 year affair doesn't count as a mistake. It's a calculated choice. A selfish one at that.

@BadLad 😂😂😂

Meh it’s probably a troll anyway, nobody in their right mind would come on here with an OP like that and expect anything less than a pile on.

Call it virtue signalling if you like, but if this is real, I see little use in going over what has happened - that can’t be changed, the main thing is what happens from now on. Going on and on about how wicked the OP has been doesn’t really address the current issues.

Virtue signalling? Ok. I thought I just had my own opinion based on my own experiences 🤷🏻‍♀️

Virtue signalling doesnt mean you dont have your own opinion.

It means you are ignoring the obvious in order to appear like you are a better person and above judgement.

Your own experiences are important. But you cant honestly think that your situation is the same or that usually situations like this DO cause most children some damage along the way.

Note that you didn't answer if you put your sons emotional health at risk for years.

And what exactly does the OP want from this thread? Cos I'm fucked if I can work it out? Is there a question there?

No idea here either.

t means you are ignoring the obvious in order to appear like you are a better person and above judgement.
No it’s a poor attempt at shaming someone because they have a different opinion to you. And it says more about you than it does me.

I don’t think my situation is the same, I am just saying that for young people knowing their half siblings isn’t always an issue - I am not basing this just on my child’s experience but others that I know of.

No, my sons emotional health was not out at risk - or I would like to think so, although again I guess nobody’s perfect so who knows - he seems ok as a young adult.

Yes it seems the OP and her ex have been selfish in ignoring the possible long term repercussions from their regular shags.

My point is, going over the past misdemeanours repeatedly at the OP achieves very little as the damage has already been done, I am seeing little practical advice on here for the OP as to how to move forward and protect her daughter and potential unborn baby. With the public lynching, if the OP is genuine she may not come back and give us more relevant information, which prevents trying to advise her on minimising the fall out for her child(ren).

And to say a 15 year old girl will soon be pregnant is actually vile, the PP saying that must be a very bitter and twisted individual.

So long as it's not said directly to the child in question I don't think it's a vile thing to say and very often it's true. Girls who become mothers while still technically children themselves are usually pretty easy to spot in and there are usually a few classic markers down well in advance of it happening. Ask any teacher or social worker.

However in this case, it's a mystery to me how anyone has drawn that conclusion based on anything that has been said by the OP.

No it’s a poor attempt at shaming someone because they have a different opinion to you. And it says more about you than it does me.

Yes on your opinion says so much about you as well.

These aren't past mistakes. When exactly did the OP stop sleeping with him and actually stick to it?

The OP needs to know exactly what she is doing, what she is risking and what the consequences are likely to be. Trying to make her feel better about her choices are making out to not be such a big deal, isnt the truth and its not helping anyone.

*t means you are ignoring the obvious in order to appear like you are a better person and above judgement.

No it’s a poor attempt at shaming someone because they have a different opinion to you. And it says more about you than it does me.*

This ^

The virtue signalling accusation is a disingenuous way of saying “don’t disagree with me, I am far superior and moral than you and will use the latest woke buzz words to put you down”

Luckily, I don’t really care if s/he thinks I am virtue signalling, at least I’m not hand wringing over an unknown 15yo not knowing her half sibling, which she may very well not be bothered about anyway!

A "tween" is a pre-teen. I.e. 12 or under (typically used to describe the 8-12 bracket).
Not a 15 year old.

Luckily, I don’t really care if s/he thinks I am virtue signalling, at least I’m not hand wringing over an unknown 15yo not knowing her half sibling, which she may very well not be bothered about anyway!

No one is hand wringing over it. And you say that I am trying to shame someone into not having an opinion.

Let's say the child is never bothered about seeing their half sibling. The OP and the childs father is still massively risking her childs emotional well being and the stability, for a shag.

If you think that's ok, that up to you. But, no, I dont think it's ok.

@Frenchmontana
You don’t like a passive aggressive insulting label such as handwringing being put on what you are saying, do you? But it’s ok to do it to someone else whose opinion differs from yours. I see you.

No it’s not ok IF she is emotionally affected, but it’s hardly the worse thing that can happen to a child, although the slating the OP was getting you would have thought so.