Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Hi. Just need to post and talk.

Met lovely bloke on Bumble. I’m
48, he’s 50. Had lots in common - both work in emergency services in same area. Know some of the same folk.

Had a nice date/drink/meal 2 weeks ago. Arranged a walk /coffee for last Thursday. Lots of texting and niceness. Lovely 2 hour walk and a nice hug and kiss in the car park. All good. Some flirting and he sent a nice chest photo from bed . Nothing too full on. All Very lovely indeed . Talked about third date. Heading towards sex.. all ok.

Then on Friday (one day after our date) I met up with friends after school pick up and (when my daughter was out of the room) quietly mentioned I’d met this guy. When I says his name/job she says she ‘knew of him’. Not met him but knew the woman he’d dated on and off for a couple of years. Had a chat about ‘what a small world’ and moved onto talking about something else.

Can’t help thinking I wouldnt be bothered if someone knew someone I knew. It happens. I’ve nothing to hide.

I mentioned this to him on Friday night and he had a bit of a reaction to it. What were we saying? What did I mean ‘knew of him’ . I calmly said they was nothing negative said and my friend said she’d never met him so couldn’t comment. But he went all weird and gave me the silent treatment. Called us (there was just me and her) gossiping fishwives. He basically sent one or two messages over the weekend . One stated he was confused over what was said. So I explained. Apologised. Asked to draw a line under it. Agreed.

But it’s died a death. I sent this :

This has all gone a little pear shaped . Do you want to continue - I’m confused as fuck. What are we doing - though we were getting to know and like each other?

And he replied ‘I’m sorry’

Wtf- have I really been gossipy fishwife or is he having a hissy fit over bugger all and I’ve dodged a bullet?

Could do with opinions. Sorry it’s long

upyer I agree with your latter understanding of situation.Doesn’t sound gossipy at all to me and his reaction sounds off - maybe he’s worried about you finding out something embarrassing about his precious relationship eg maybe he cheated or something along those lines.Really could be anything!Sounds like a dodger billet to me

Dodged bullet

Trying to continue on from the previous posts.

@Lovemusic33 I don't like the doubt he's planting in your mind to be truthful. I'd be wary but that's just me

@TooOldForThis67 I'm gutted to hear this, I thought he sounded promising. Could you maybe try again? I know he works away but might be worth given one more try

@BatshitCrazyWoman could you give him one more date. Have you mentioned sex in texting? Maybe try building up a bit of sexual excitement to test the water?

@Upyerbum70 he sounds like he is embarrassed about something you'll find out. Though I personally would hate if roles were reversed and I thought people were talking about me. He clearly wants a clean slate for some reason.

@Upyerbum70 his reaction tells you everything you need to know IMO
He's def got something to hide and you have done nothing wrong.

upyer I think everyone worries what our ex's or ex's friends might say about us but most of us would just accept we cant change them and move on but the fact he has got so uppity does make me question his reaction....what has he got to hide?

I get that. But really nothing was said - my friend clearly stated she’d never met him so couldn’t comment. That was it .

So I told Mr G about why I didn't want to meet up today. Explained the lies and forgetfulness. He explained due to his job his plans can change (his explanation sounded plausible) he said he often forgets things. Told him it's red flags for me and has created doubt in my mind. He said ok no problem

So now I'm back swiping looking for someone else. Anyone else find tinder often puts people back in that you've already swiped left on?

In fact she did say the woman he dated had short blonde hair like me, was anti children (he has 3) and she was hard work. Nothing about him and I didn’t pass any of that on. Wish I’d be er mentioned it- but can’t help thinking it’s too much of an over reaction. There was talk of going up to the lakes together and him taking me on a walk there. Aren’t we a bit old for this kind of weirdness?

Can’t go back to swiping

Upyer he sounds quite hard work 😕 I don't think you're a gossip and his reaction is odd.

With Mr Sailor, we've really not had the opportunity for anything more to happen - but he also hasn't slammed his drink down on the table, and exclaimed 'Bats, dammit, I have to fuck you' either 😂 Something between the two would be good. We've talked about sex in general terms, but apart from the fact that he's keen to see me, and said I was pretty when we first met, I'm not sure if he fancies me, so I don't want to ramp it up anymore in case he doesn't feel the same. It's all quite theoretical at the moment ....

Bat I get you, you want the throw down. He could be feeling the same as you and unsure. Give it a bit of time.

Are you attracted to him?

Thanks for the new thread lifegoes. No regrets about MR G? Fingers crossed some lovely men swipe your way v soon.

upyerbum he has totally over reacted and it would make me wonder what he was worried you might find out. You are entitled to talk about your life to your friends and shouldn’t feel guilty about that.

I’m sorry things weren’t great tooold worth another try or not? I don’t think first time sex is ever really that good (with exceptions).

batshit have you snogged at least? I’d need to know he fancied me to carry on at this point I think.

shitwith you really liked him until this point and it all sounded lovely. Do you think it’s something you can get past?

Seeing Mr S tonight for our first date since breaking up... looking forward to seeing him. I just need to make sure I don’t let my emotions run away with me on the back of a (hopefully) lovely date.

Nothing from Mr Teacher :(, chatted a bit with Mr Artist yesterday who has found Bumble a bit overwhelming and deleted his account. And started chatting to Mr Slimming World this morning. A girl needs options 😀🤔

Notcool no regrets at all, it didn't sit right with me. I also think if I had really wanted to see him, I could've made earlier plans. I'm just gutted I didn't see Mr FB on Friday now. But I'm going to make plans to see him next weekend.

I need options like you, so just going to keep swiping.

Good luck with today, just enjoy it but keep in your mind what's happened.

I like him, but I won't know properly if there's attraction without some more physical stuff. No, no proper snogging - just a little kissing on the lips, if you know what I mean ...

We are seeing each other on Friday and I think that's when he wants me to go to his house for dinner. Maybe Friday's the day!

I am also still swiping ...

Thanks for the new thread lifegoes. You've done the right thing with your bloke.

Upyer - Agree with everyone else, it's weird. I wonder when he calms down he might come back and explain but then, if that's how he behaves you probably wouldn't want him!
Love - I would have said the same. Don't feel bad.
Batshit - You are still seeing each other so obviously there must be attraction. Go with the flow and hope he doesn't turn out to be a MrBE

My old OLD iron sent a few msgs along the lines of 'he really likes me but I obviously don't like him the same way'. I didn't reply and he has now blocked me. Maybe it's for the best.
Last nights date has sent a msg along the lines of hoping we have a long and happy future. Think I'll have to msg and say, nope not that actual word and then block, which I hate doing when they've done nothing bad.
A few new irons. This is almost getting boring now. Surely I must meet someone I want to keep soon

lifegoes you soundntotalky at ease with your decision. This is very good.

batshit agh, I NEED the snog to know if there is any chemistry. Good luck for Friday.

@Upyerbum70 definitely dodged a bullet

Found you, just got back from the chemist now led down for a few hours so I shall be sat on MN.

I don’t think Mr SA planted the seed in my head, the woman that messaged him is actually from SA but I didn’t hear him say that when he told me. I haven’t heard from him today but that’s probably because he’s with his friend (who is male and married), I probably shouldn’t have asked, it’s not as though we have had the exclusive talk or anything and I don’t really know why I did it, I usually keep my mouth shut.

Hi all, I’ve been reading for a while and I’d like to ask some advice if possible!

I’m 35F, no kids. I’ve been seeing a 44 year old man who has his child half the time. I’ve resigned myself to him only being available a few days a week and every other weekend.

We have been on 6 dates and DTD, everything is great when we are together but in between our communication is very lacking. Maybe a few texts ‘how is your day etc’ Neither of us are big talkers on the phone and I definitely don’t want to be texting non stop but I feel our connection and my attraction waning when we don’t keep in touch.

He is definitely single (I’ve been to his house) and we have bought tickets for future events so I know he is commiting. It just makes me sad that we don’t have any flirting or build up to dates and I wish he would be thinking of me more often and make me feel excited and wanted. We only see each once or twice a week as it is.

Am I being unreasonable? Is it too early and I just need to chill?

tellittome if it’s good in person I would put more weight on this than the texting in between. Would he respond in kind if you’re were a bit more flirty over text?

shitwithsugar - So he's still there, has there been an improvement now
Love - He did plant the seed by mentioning something that you wouldn't normally when with someone else.