Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Morning All

On the subject of sex I know it's a bit early but I love a guy to last ages, if they are good! TMI but MrWow was well endowed, lasted ages and I had multiple O's. Thought it wasn't possible til him. Now unfortunately I measure everyone to him and find them lacking

Oh TooOld, I know what you mean. Not the long lasting part but my last (very) LTR was very blessed and we could play each other like violins so it was generally excellent. Just a shame about the rest of it.

I'm feeling a bit intimidated by upcoming date. He's properly classy. Ie he's kind of Harrods and I'm Sainsburys plus M&S on payday iykwim. On the plus side I'm 14yrs younger and not a minger but a bit podgy. Age is fine with me, I prefer older as long as everything is fully functional.

Anyone got words of advice?

TLDR - I usually date down (slightly) and am somewhat freaked by the idea of being someone's bit of rough (I'm not rough just kind of normal, mortgage and debt free but not loaded)

So spent Saturday night with MrB and then Sunday morning we went for breakfast (although he had bad heartburn and ran away at the table which was a little embarrassing. Picture loads of people staring at me thinking he'd run away from me).

Anyway it was really nice, he's really nice but I kind of want more than just nice? I find him really quite dull, nervous and awkward. It's such a shame as he is so nice but I want it to be more fun, more interesting... So feeling a little depressed about it this morning 😔.

@WarIsPeace I know what you mean McDreamy was like that and I was a bit intimidated but after a couple of dates it was fine. With every other guy I'd always been the person earning more which did bother some guys. I have a nice flat drive a nice car but I have a good job and work hard. It doesn't bother me if guy doesn't earn same so long as they don't mind.

@ItsAMiracle2015 i would give it another chance nerves can make people too nice lol but I do get what you mean I don't want just nice either.

I'm a professional, but the vocational kind that pays ok but not ££. He must be overrun with gold diggers and I don't want him to think I'm one iykwim, because I'm independent but at the same time I won't be dropping 10k on the summer holiday.

Warls - "play each other like violins" I know what you mean ((sigh)).
I think you just have to be yourself and he'll like you for who you are or not. You'll probably find yourself minding your p's & q's a bit more in his company, lol. I assume he knows a bit about you so isn't expecting 'posh'?
Miracle - Hmm. If you see him again, why not suggest doing something fun together and see how he is then but honestly, if you're not feeling it now .......

I just want someone nice but also funny and interesting. I feel like that's going to be difficult to find. He's so attentive but it's just a bit much. But then I don't know if that's just my warped view on relationships as he's the first guy I've really dated since my ex. Plus if I call it a day I think he's going to be heartbroken and I'm worried I'll regret it. Pretty depressing morning 🙈.

Miracle- I’m also feeing depressed. Been poorly with a kidney infection so lots of time to think or over think. Anyway, Saturday I went into hospital and I was thinking it was just going to be overnight. Engineer iron or prob bf said he’d pop and see me once his kids had gone back to mums. Anyway I said I’d be getting out so he could just pop to see me at home. Admittedly it was a lot later than expected that I got him 6pm but he was like oh you must be tired. Well yeah I was but just seems funny that I was in hospital 2 days and he didn’t even pop. I asked if he’d had a busy day and he said no he’d been in house with youngest 4. Couldn’t he have popped with her? And then last night he said just let me know when you want me to Come over or if you want a few days to recover. I usually see him weds and can’t help thinking he meant then as it fits around his sports clubs.
We already have a difficult time as he has his kids every weekend so we always restricted by kids. Can’t help thinking I’m breaking the fun rule on page 1.

Have to say when we together I’m
Really happy and have great sexual
Chemistry but having a massive wobble 🥴sorry this is so long

@ccgirr how long have you been seeing him? Have you chatted about being bf/gf?

If you've not met his kids yet then I don't think he's being unreasonable by not bringing them along to see you. As much as I love my bf I wouldn't drag my kids to hospital to visit him unless it was something super serious and I had no other option (and he has met my children!)

From what you've posted I wouldn't read too much into anything, unless there's other reasons to make you doubt things

@ccgirr how long have you been seeing him? I think it's fair to have expected more but maybe he didn't realise and thought he was doing the right thing to let you rest? But then my head is all over the place 🤷.

@shitwithsugaron I'm just feeling like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place. I know he'll treat me beautifully, and he's honest and loyal and genuinely a nice guy. But I want all of that and more? Is that too much to ask for? I just feel a bit bla.

Hi wishy- 5 months. Yeah we’ve met kids as wouldn’t see each other if hadn’t! Yeah maybe you right. I wouldn’t want to take kids in hospital I guess. I don’t know I’m just feeling he’s not really into us

TooOld yes I've been honest and said something along those lines. He basically said it's not an issue for him. I think I normally feel more comfortable being the better catch and I won't be

@ccgirr maybe you need to have a proper chat with him. Generalising massively here but I think men tend to not think too deeply about stuff so while you're sat thinking he's not that into you, he's possibly feeling quite content and going about his normal life thinking you feel the same!
Communication is important so maybe make some time to properly talk through how you feel and where you see things heading.

I think, especially in the early stages, it's very common to keep quiet for fear of not liking what the other person may say but I always think I'd just rather get it out there and know one way or the other. Then I have the choice of what I do next which gives me control over the situation rather than having my feelings in the hands of another if that makes sense.
What's the worst that can happen?

Hi all - found you!

I've had an interesting weekend, but nothing like some of you! you lucky people!

My ghost has returned to corporeal form! Mrs TW messaged me, to say she is having second thoughts. I knew she had lost her DP, but I didn't know she had lost him at xmas! No wonder she is confused and conflicted! We've arranged to (hopefully) meet for a drink on Wednesday, but I think it might be a "thanks, but no thanks" thing

Having decided to take a break from the OLD sites, I've been messaged by three women (off of three different sites! Am chatting with all of them, and trying to arrange dates. I'll sort out some acronyms if things go a bit further!

Re "lasting" Speaking from a male perspective, I always worried I didn't last long enough with my xw (when we were having sex).

No idea how a new partner might react now, especially the 1st time..

Wishy - yeah I think you are 100% right but I’m so bad at those things. Presuming I couldn’t message him so I can plan it carefully 🤣 I try to take note of those people who say actions louder like last weekend I met his grown up daughter and don’t need to- but sometimes the words would be good to hear.
Miracle and shitwith- think you both want deserve more

ccgirr I used to be the same with relationships. If I look back at my past relationships I always went along with stuff without always voicing my inner feelings for fear of not liking their reaction .... that's possibly how I ended up married to the wrong man for 10 years 🤦🏼‍♀️

After I ended my marriage and then had a brief, whirlwind shower of shite, toxic relationship I made the decision to take control of my feelings and my life so now if I don't like something, or I'm unsure of something or if I start to try and second guess someone's actions then instead of overthinking it, I ask the question and decide where I want to go next with the answer they give me. Sounds a bit weird but it's kind of brought me an inner peace knowing that my happiness and wellbeing is in my hands and not in someone else's.
If the worst that can happen is that I'm single again then I'm totally fine with that. Quite fancy buying a caravan in the middle of nowhere and just surrounding myself with animals anyway 😂

Man - poor Mrs TW! Sounds like she is all over the place, so prepare to be a shoulder to cry on. Good luck with the other irons. What a difference a change of name makes, eh??

Re 'lasting'. I get it that men must feel under pressure about this (ref what Man said) and maybe women aren't always as sensitive as they might be about it. IME, I like a bit of both. A 'hell yeah, can't keep it back' to begin the day/night's activities, then a long slow lasting session (or three, preferably). This works in the early stages but once a relationship has settled down there should be give and take - and hopefully communication is good enough that no pressure/discomfort is experienced by either party.

Tactical wanking before meeting up: only if you're Jay/Simon from the InBetweeners (and look how that ended up )

WarlsPeace I'm a bit like you. My job is professional, I have lots of qualifications but it pays peanuts. But I know I can dress up, go to swanky places and hold an intelligent conversation.
Conversely, I could have a date in McDonalds if I like the person.

I had a date last year with someone who was loaded. He said he didn't care what someone did for work or how much they earned. Also that he preferred to date outside his circle of peers because he found them boring.

Just go for it and enjoy.

ccgirr I agree with wishy, I don't think he thought too much about it. Not in a bad way. I'd find it difficult to know what to do in those circumstances.

Man4allseasons It doesn't sound like Mrs TW is in the right place to date right now. Perhaps meet as a friend and see what happens.
Good luck with the rest of your irons

Completely agree @CassettesAreCool with the subject of lasting
My BF generally goes long enough for me to 'o' multiple times but there's been a few occasions where he just can't hold himself. We're relaxed enough to laugh about it, and we'll just go again when he's ready. He's always very attentive to my needs which is a bigger thing for me than how long he lasts each time!

I'm having fun on Fab, which is good as I have nothing on the other apps.

Three potential FWBs, although only one has asked to meet. They've all been respectful. No dick pics. We've chatted about life and work etc, like you do. So far so good.