Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

notcoolmum thanks for the reply. I do try but usually he just replies with a smile emoji or a ‘That’s really nice’ kind of comment. I guess I’d just like him to be more proactive rather than respond to me prodding him into it.

But yes, in person we get on really well. Maybe I just need to talk to him about it and see if he can make more effort. Once a week with no chat between just doesn’t do it for me and I’ll lose interest.

Hi everyone. Seems like it's been a busy weekend! I had 4th? Or something date last night with old iron. The sex is off the flipping charts. I can't get enough. We also seem to be in synch in the way we think.... He asked what had happened all those months ago (we had a ONS and after he fell asleep I scarpered. We texted the next day and he invited me for a late dinner but I was shattered so said I couldn't do that. And that was the end of it) I levelled with him that he was the first person I'd slept with after my dds dad and I broke up. He understood and said he had a feeling not to pursue it afterwards but thought we'd meet again. Thing is...im really trying here not to get over invested but he says such nice things. Any tips? I've taken myself off dating apps and dropped all other irons because...im honestly only interested in him.

tellittomestraight loads of people jjst arent big on texting. maybe just bring it up on the next date....like say you really like getting a wee flirty text from him during the week

Super it sounds very positive, and it's lovely he understands why that happened before. And it was always helps when the sex is off the chart 😉. Just keep going, it's always a risk at the start. Enjoy it, but keep your wits about you.

Tellittome I agree with Super, just mention it next time you see him.

Thanks lifegoes. I thought I'd be a bit more care free dating in my 40s. Already got kids. Not looking for a man to complete me etc. Turns out it's just as risky for the heart as dating in your 20s!

Super I think it's worse when get older. So many hurtful experiences behind us. We worry that it might happen again. So we panic when those feelings start. He seems to like you and all sounds good.

tellingit - I get how you feel, I'm the same. Think you just have to tell it to him straight but maybe the next time you see him rather than a msg.
super - Aww, that sounds really promising, and great sex! Lucky girl. Not sure how you can stop over-investing tho, it's hard not to do it. Just focus on 'actions' not 'words'.

Tooold I've just read your update on your dates. Have you blocked the one from yesterday or have you replied back?

There you all are..just gonna have a catch up on the thread

Feeling anxious today for some reason.iron has done nothing to make me anxious but in the beginning I was concerned that there wouldn’t be physical attraction on my part, now I’m concerned that he’ll lose interest in me!he literally ticks all my boxes,never known anyone quite like him before.

@CocoKoko123 what makes you think he'll lose interest?

I need some new dating apps. Feel like I'm now just getting ones I've previously swiped no to. 🙄

life nothing in particular other than I’m worried I dtd too quickly with him and obviously every other relationship prior to this has gone south or I wouldn’t be on OLD.just so scared of getting hurt.

Just back after a date with Mr Welsh. He's an iron from a few years back, we clicked on an intellectual level but never actually fully dtd and for one reason or another moved on.

He got in touch and we are both currently single so seemed a good time to see if anything develops. FWB I thought! Give it a go and see if I can cope with that, given my worries about needing trust.

Stayed at his last night and his brain is so so attractive. Physically too. But...he takes a lot of recreational drugs and it bothers me. Not the drugs themselves, I'm not judging his use of them and don't have any moral issues with it, but it means that we are inhabiting very different spaces and if I'm going to sleep with someone I'd like to think that our experience was on the same level! And whilst he has his own company nd so a certain level of responsibility, I think his lifestyle is a bit chaotic as a result of his drug use and I was finding it hard to respect him because of that.

Shame, so I don't think we'll be seeing each other again. He is so bloody sexy though!

It has helped me refine what I'm looking for though, I've added to my list! So;

Values
Brains
Humour
Physical
Drive
Emotional stability

And now;

Stable and sorted.

Moon on a stick then.

MrSA sounds a bit of a liability LoveMusic. If he's got you doubting stuff at the start, I don't think it bodes well. You deserve someone who ticks all your boxes.

Coco understandable and I always get a bit of anxiety after DTD for the first time. I would think that's only natural as woman I find it's quite a vulnerable situation at first. So you will want a form of reassurance he's into you or not going to go. But if he hasn't done anything to make you question it. Don't over think it.

Remember thoughts aren't facts! They are only thoughts.

I don't think personally it matters when you DTD if it feels right for you.

Thanks for the new thread. Lots to catch up on.

Love I'm not sure what to make of Mr SA. You seem to get on well when you're together. But he's making you question things by mentioning other women and not texting you for days.
Is it time to have the exclusive talk with him?

MehIAmKnackered I'm a really organised person, so someone who has a chaotic lifestyle would drive me nuts as well.
Shame he was so sexy.

supercali77 that sounds so lovely. Hope it continues

lifegoes I have the same feeling. I keep seeing the same faces coming round again and again on Tinder.

I spent yesterday evening on Fab exchanging messages with a couple of blokes who seem ok. And also deleting messages that were just dick pics.
I've also been messaged by another two that I have swiped right on Tinder but not matched with. It'll be interesting to see if they change their mind when they see my face.

I need to go back on today and see what messages I have but so far I've chickened out!

MyOld I think I do need to have the exclusive chat, I was going to on our last date but just couldn’t do it, every seemed to be going well and I didn’t want to ruin it. I guess I’m scared what he will say. He message me a lot yesterday dropping hints about coming over but it was all sex talk (wanted to come over for sex), the sex is pretty good, we have a lot of chemistry in the bedroom (he says this) but I want a bit more than sex, he does talk about doing things together and going places so it’s all a bit confusing. To be fair I have over shared with him about previous relationships and irons so I can’t really say he was planting a seed mentioning his ex from years ago getting in touch, we are both pretty open about everything and both probably say things without thinking. He still hasn’t messaged me today and hasn’t read my last message from last night which is a bit annoying.

Place marking lots to catch up on

@Lovemusic33 have the chat. Even if you don't like what he says you're then in a position to choose what you do next with that information. It's the wondering and not knowing that will drive you crazy and you're more likely to spend your time overthinking and analysing every little thing.
Saying how you feel and being open and honest about what you want brings you an element of control over the situation and will hopefully make you feel more relaxed. If his answer doesn't suit you then at least you can avoid getting further invested a situation that ultimately isn't for you.

Good luck

@shitwithsugaron go read your message again and imagine it's one of us asking your advice.

I hate to say this but it sounds like you would be settling with him. I don't think you want that. Also if you want a fwb it doesn't sound like the sex is worth that either.

Sometimes alcohol makes a guy take ages to come. I know what you mean about all these fit men most guys I've dated are so fit and I'm anything but makes me self conscious and yes bones are not good.

Shit there are several things that could make him take ages to cum, he could be a porn watcher, is there any chance he takes viagra (this can make men take ages)? I’m not that keen on skinny men either, prefer average, I don’t like to feel ribs and hip bones.

Have to agree with focus, shitwithsugaron

I read your post and my first thought was; feels that you don't really like him sand are settling.

I think you can do so much better and deserve better 😘