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Original poster

He's got four children by 3 different women. Should I care?

241 replies

1stdatejiggyness · 28/05/2018 23:26

I'm third date in with a guy I really like. However, he has four children by three different women aged 13 years to 1 year old. I think he may ask to take it to the next stage soon but I have my reservations.

I know I don't know the full story and forgive me for stereotyping but I can't help but think he may lack stability or be a player. He's so charming and says all the right things though. I'm worried he may be a womaniser or fall in love too quickly. Not only that, he's been honest and told me he's often broke halfway through the month. I try to be understanding about his financial situation but I'm starting to feel guilty when we spend money on a night out. I'm happy to pay my share but he keeps reminding me how difficult it is to pay for.

Can someone on a below average income really support four children and consider having a girlfriend? He says he has been single and celebate for 6 months.

OP posts:
Sametimesameplace · 29/05/2018 00:16

No it would put me off especially that there is a one year old which means only a recent breakdown in a relationship.

Also what if you got serious with him and wanted children yourself? How complicated would that be?

GorgonLondon · 29/05/2018 00:17

Block his number and move on.

Butterflykissess · 29/05/2018 00:39

No. My ex has 5 children 4 to me and 1 with another woman . I fell for the whole "she doesn't let me see him" in my defence i was young and immature and it was my first serious relationship. He now doesn't see my 4 either purely through choice! I'm amazed any women are interested in him but apparentl y none of them are bothered by it.

BlueEyedBengal · 29/05/2018 00:43

You will never have any money to live on he will be paying for many many years always avoid a man with so many dependant children as they will get the money first and you would get the crumbs Hmm

Liberation1 · 29/05/2018 00:44

I had a relationship with a man who had 5 children by 3 different mothers. His past was very complicated yet very predictable at the same time. He had also been married 3 times too Hmm First wife no kids, second wife 1 child (who he never saw beyond the child's early years,) 3 more kids with someone he never married and 5th child was with (teenage wife) number 3 (he was in his 40s at the time.)

He caught me at a very vulnerable time in my life coming out of a marriage and I was easily swayed. He spoke very early on about getting married to me (which I didn't want to so soon after divorcing) and wanted a baby straight away. Luckily I still had some sensible brain cells in me and didn't have his baby. His pattern was predictable; meet woman and love bomb them, getting married/having a baby quickly in a rush of romance and "love " then when the first rushes of love turn into the normal mundane reality of life he gets bored and goes off to seek excitement again.

He didn't pay for those kids either and the ex's were "crazy." Hmm

So it depends on context op but it sounds like this man is addicted to the romantic notion of having a baby with someone but doesn't like the reality of real life with a committed relationship and the hard work of a baby so maybe going off to seek the first flutters of romance again without ever learning anything.

PatsyClineSilVousPlait · 29/05/2018 01:03

As a man, yes I'd say steer clear.

There may be loads of men in similar situations who arent chancers and just cant catch a break, but the ones Ive met have been scumbags.

MessyMeTarr · 29/05/2018 01:28

Would never even consider dating someone with this history.

1forAll74 · 29/05/2018 01:45

Oh no, don't go any further with this romance. I guess it would be easy for some women to be charmed by a guy at times, as in one who might be good looking,,or good in bed ha ha,, but with this guys background,its all very iffy and going to be a struggle for you.. He might win the lottery next Saturday,then it might ok, but chances are,that you will not be happy with his lot in life.

viques · 29/05/2018 01:48

What's the next stage after the third date? Call me old fashioned but in my book that's the fourth date...... But maybe times have changed and the fourth date is when you decide to ttc Baby 5.

Jozxyqk · 29/05/2018 01:49

If 1 or more of them were resident with him, I'd be less bothered (if it were me). However it appears that he is the NRP to all 4 DCs, & can't budget. Do you want DCs? He doesn't seem like a good bet, unless you're looking for someone just to act as sperm donor - clearly he's capable of that. But being a father - how are his relationships with his children, & can he be civil with their mothers & any new partners?

Candyflip · 29/05/2018 01:53

I would not go on a 4th date. The children and the finances would totally put me off.

ReanimatedSGB · 29/05/2018 02:01

Unless you are looking for a sperm donor, run away. He's an arrogant, sexist prick who thinks women should not only open their legs for him but pay for the privilege of his company.
He's probably charming and good-looking, but he's a loser. FFS make sure you are taking responsibility for contraception if you shag him.

IWantMyHatBack · 29/05/2018 02:03

@AnyFucker

Trolltastic tonight..

IWantMyHatBack · 29/05/2018 02:04

SGB! Grin

echt · 29/05/2018 02:27

Careless with his cock.

Bin hm off.

fluffyrobin · 29/05/2018 02:28

Wouldn't you want a hands on father for your DC?

Why is he running around chasing new women instead of supporting the women he has impregnated and having his DC 50-50?

Honestly, your judgement is off for even asking, surely you should know instinctively that charmers who don't physically help out with their DC ( babysitting, 50-50 contact) are bad news?

kentparent · 29/05/2018 02:47

Yes you should care. Enough to block him and move on. Definitely one to avoid.

bumbleboots · 29/05/2018 02:51

It doesn't sound like he would (or should) have much time or money for a new girlfriend. I would leg it.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 29/05/2018 03:18

Absolutely no way and no chance I would give this man a minute of my time. What exactly is he offering you here? Do you have kids? Why couldn't he make it work with any of the mothers? No no no

pallisers · 29/05/2018 03:29

I'd be so gone you wouldn't see me for dust.

I'm sure he is very charming though ...

Blondebakingmumma · 29/05/2018 03:43

Run! And don’t look back

Imchlibob · 29/05/2018 03:50

Do not "take it to the next stage" - this man is not a keeper. You do not want him to be the father of any future children or a life partner. He is clearly unreliable. Run for the hills.

AlexaAmbidextra · 29/05/2018 04:23

Celibate for six months you say? Best thing for him I should think.

HunnidBands · 29/05/2018 04:31

Do you really need to ask?

Coyoacan · 29/05/2018 04:34

If he sees all his children regularly and has good relationships with his exes and ensures all his children are well cared for emotionally and financially I wouldn't necessarily see it as a red flag, thats massively unlikely though and I don't think you should stay around to find out

When on earth would he have a free moment to date again if he were being a responsible parent to those children?