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Original poster

He's got four children by 3 different women. Should I care?

241 replies

1stdatejiggyness · 28/05/2018 23:26

I'm third date in with a guy I really like. However, he has four children by three different women aged 13 years to 1 year old. I think he may ask to take it to the next stage soon but I have my reservations.

I know I don't know the full story and forgive me for stereotyping but I can't help but think he may lack stability or be a player. He's so charming and says all the right things though. I'm worried he may be a womaniser or fall in love too quickly. Not only that, he's been honest and told me he's often broke halfway through the month. I try to be understanding about his financial situation but I'm starting to feel guilty when we spend money on a night out. I'm happy to pay my share but he keeps reminding me how difficult it is to pay for.

Can someone on a below average income really support four children and consider having a girlfriend? He says he has been single and celebate for 6 months.

OP posts:
LOliver123 · 29/05/2018 04:34

Definitely avoid!

HunnidBands · 29/05/2018 04:36

If you like it you really need to put a ring on it. Ring being codeword for rubber fucking Johnny.

Monty27 · 29/05/2018 04:47

I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. And I don't know why you even have to ask

MeltingSnowflake · 29/05/2018 04:58

Oh god no. Run!

Shoxfordian · 29/05/2018 05:18

Do your future self a favour OP and listen to all this advice and run

Original poster
1stdatejiggyness · 29/05/2018 06:33

I'm 34 with two DCS. Youngest is two with the same father. I have been dating for over a year and most men seem to have an issue with me having such a young child. I guess because of his circumstances, he's been the only one that hasn't "run for the hills". He's 36 years old and often talks regretfully about the decisions he's made in his life. And tbh, it's refreshing to speak to someone that can self-reflect like him.... luckily, we had a mutual friend and he says he's a good dad and he sees his kids alot. Definitely haven't fallen for him because I have a decent amount of money and a respectable government job. I only paid half for 1 out of the 3 jobs - just to see if he could manage.

OP posts:
Original poster
1stdatejiggyness · 29/05/2018 06:35

Jobs??... *date Hmm

OP posts:
YouAreNotImportant · 29/05/2018 06:37

If this was about a woman with children by different Fathers, the responses would be very different..

PlumsGalore · 29/05/2018 06:40

Oh I don't know OP, is he keen to move in with you, makes his life a bit easier? Cock lodger and all that?

I would be very wary, very wary indeed.

user1499173618 · 29/05/2018 06:46

Surely he is the very definition of “irresponsible”?

MadameOvary · 29/05/2018 06:48

"Oh look at me, I'm so genuine and honest and all. I've made mistakes and now I'm skint but I can't wait to start over with youuuuuuuu"

His youngest is only ONE and he's 34?

NOPE NOPE NOPE.

RUN
FOR
THE
HILLS

Loopytiles · 29/05/2018 06:52

You actually have no idea if he has really reflected on things or is self reflective - you’re naive if you’re assuming these things from his words. Words are cheap.

Depressing that one of the reasons you’re not running for the hills - which would be the sensible thing to do, even just on financial grounds - is because you are scared that other men may not date you because of your DC.

Loopytiles · 29/05/2018 06:54

Your mutual friend may not actually know if he’s a “good dad”. Plenty of non resident fathers talk a good talk to their friends and family but don’t actually have much contact, pay decent maintenance or share parenting.

MapleLeafRag · 29/05/2018 06:56

Maybe he’s keen as your mutual friend has told him that you work and have a reasonable salary.

Grobagsforever · 29/05/2018 06:59

Run. If only because he's not financially stable. But mostly because he keeps making babies and then moving on. Do the maths - with three lots of kids to see he shouldn't even have time for dating if he was making a proper job of contact with each set.

There are thousands of men out there. Thousands

Loopytiles · 29/05/2018 07:00

You hardly know him, so it’s very easy at this point to walk away. Any other decision would not be in your or your DCs’ best interests.

isthismylifenow · 29/05/2018 07:01

He hasn't run for the hills as you also have young children and will make a good babysitter for his kids when he has them. When does he see them all btw? Surely not all at once seeing as they all have different mothers....

Please dont get sucked in by him just because he is paying you attention OP.

THere is no way I would date a man in this situation. God, i have enough of my own issues, never mind taking on all of his.

VladmirsPoutine · 29/05/2018 07:03

So you want to keep him around because he's the only one that hasn't expressed reservations over you having young children too?
Christ in a Metalica t-shirt! Run for the hills!

CoolCarrie · 29/05/2018 07:05

Run for the hills! He sounds like a nightmare.

Bibesia · 29/05/2018 07:10

I can't help but think he may lack stability or be a player.

I can't understand why you even doubt this to be the case.

If he genuinely regrets the decisions he's made in his life, why does he keep repeating them? And the last poor decision was less than two years ago, when he decided to have sex without protection leading to the birth of his youngest child.

Singlenotsingle · 29/05/2018 07:12

"He's charming and says all the right things"? He knows how to charm his way into a woman's knickers, doesn't he? Although, if the 3 kids were all by the same woman, we wouldn't bat an eyelid. I'd be more concerned about the fact that he's got no money, and you are likely to find yourself contributing to his lifestyle. Get out now before it's too late

Petalflowers · 29/05/2018 07:15

He could have had a couple of longish stable relationships had children by them, and an odd one stand which resulted in pregnancy. It could all be genuine.

However, his youngest child is only a year old. How would you feel if your do partner abandoned you with a baby a few months old (if he has been celibate for six months),and then started dating a few months later. That and his financial situation woyld make me avoid him.

Bluelonerose · 29/05/2018 07:18

I think it would VERY much depend on the circumstances in which he had his dc and the relationship he has with then and even how he talks about his dcs mother.

However dating somebody with dc is tricky at the best of time and with 4 I can't see him devoting as much time to the relationship as his dc should come first.

Charley50 · 29/05/2018 07:19

People wouldn't say the same thing, if it's a women with dc by multiple fathers, because inevitably the woman would be actually bringing the children up!

QueenOfTheAndals · 29/05/2018 07:22

I'd say run. A friend of mine married a guy with 7 kids from previous relationships (naturally his exes were evil etc) and was convinced he'd changed. A year after their second child was born he upped and left her too.!Men like that don't change.