He's got four children by 3 different women. Should I care?

[1stdatejiggyness]

I'm third date in with a guy I really like. However, he has four children by three different women aged 13 years to 1 year old. I think he may ask to take it to the next stage soon but I have my reservations.

I know I don't know the full story and forgive me for stereotyping but I can't help but think he may lack stability or be a player. He's so charming and says all the right things though. I'm worried he may be a womaniser or fall in love too quickly. Not only that, he's been honest and told me he's often broke halfway through the month. I try to be understanding about his financial situation but I'm starting to feel guilty when we spend money on a night out. I'm happy to pay my share but he keeps reminding me how difficult it is to pay for.

Can someone on a below average income really support four children and consider having a girlfriend? He says he has been single and celebate for 6 months.

If you are continuing with him, start buying stuff now for your third child and plan life as a single mum to 3 kids. You'll get stuff cheaper at least by a bit if you plan in advance, as that's where your life is heading with him. Good luck.

I wonder what his ex's have to say about him. That would be revealing.

It depends if you want a relationship, in which case no way. But if you want something more straightforward, I’d probably double up on contraceptives!

"I like him but I'd never bring him around my children or anything. I've decided not to seriously consider him as a serious partner but definitely want to still continue to see him. We get along. He's intelligent, caring..."

I note that you have not answered the question about whether he is hung like a donkey, and assume that's under the redacted details substituted by the ...

The problem is, suppose you do manage to keep head in control of heart and see him just for fun. All the time you're in that relationship, you're not going to find a better one. You won't be looking for Mr Great, because you're mucking around with Mr Charming-but-feckless.

Me Charming-but-feckless sounds more cut out to be with, say, someone older who doesn't have her own kids, and wants a bit of fun now. Someone comfortably - off who can take him out on dates. Crucially, someone who won't come to rely on him. Basically he's toyboy material.

So to answer your question ‘should I care?’
Seems the majority of posters think you should but your replies would indicate you don’t.
Taking his own kids out for he day and feeding them- well that’s a sign of a real keeper there. That he blames his ex for getting pregnant and not using contraception proves that when it comes to having no more children he isn’t taking any responsibility for that at all otherwise held have used a condom.
I don’t think I could take on a man with 4 kids by one woman (its a lot of responsibility) let alone 4 by 3.
And to clarify, if this was a man asking about taking on a woman with 4 by 3 men my advice would be the same. Especially if she had a similar attitude to contraception- i.e it’s someone else’s responsibility .

I was in the exact situation. I did not see him for months on end. He claimed he was poor and had no money. I got rid of that loser. Bringing children into the world without thinking about the implications. He too has 4 children with 3 different women. The fact it never worked with any of the children’s mothers baffles me.
Find someone that has time for you and is willing to spend money on you. There are so many better men out there. Life is too short for baby mama drama.
Take care :)

ZOMBIE ALERT!

OP and Mr Sperm are either happily ensconced, or have moved on.

If this was about a woman with children by different Fathers, the responses would be very different

If the woman concerned was not the primary carer for any of her children and just took them out on the odd weekend for treats then handed them back and complained about being skint, I reckon there would unanimously be concerns.

I’d be running for the hills.
Youngest only a year old yet he’s been ‘ single and celibate for 6 months’ 🙄
3 dates yet he’s telling you choices he regrets and talks reflectively big 🪝
This man appears to have never heard of contraception or safe sex, considering his last relationship was just a fling.

You can do better.

I'm happy to pay my share but he keeps reminding me how difficult it is to pay for.
Yeah, run don't walk away from this one.
He's already boundary-testing you as his next provider.

Can someone on a below average income really support four children and consider having a girlfriend?
Sure, if the g/f is mug enough to keep paying for himBut - w
Who says he's supporting his children?

He says he has been single and celebate for 6 months.
So what?
Don;t believe anything a new date tells you.

Should you care? Yes.
With 4 children to support and the youngest only 1 he is going to be financially challenged for the next 18 years. And have 3 exes to deal with.
Seek a simpler life. Good Luck.

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟

My sister is with a man who has 4 kids by 3 different mums. They still idolise each other 5 years on but do not live together and too old to have kids with each other.
Personally I couldn't. There's baggage and then there's baggage!

I have 6 children, 3 different fathers. I’m definitely not afraid of commitment and not all ex’s are a pain. Sometimes things just don’t work out… I also spend the last week of the month struggling… but If it doesn’t feel right then it doesn’t feel right. I’m in a happy long term relationship now, but when I was dating having 3 fathers to my kids probably did put men off, although they never said!
i would just say, if you like him, and he treats you well, I wouldn’t judge just on that.

Unless he’s Jude Law, RUN.

And even then TBH

That just sounds like a whole lot of hassle with three ex's to deal with and the commitments he presumably has a father in three homes.
Where will he have the time for your relationship and perhaps future family with all that on his plate.
Setting aside the money issues it would be too much for me to ever think he'd ever be able to give you much attention without neglecting his other parental responsibilities.
I'd not be taking it further.

Gives me the ick just reading that 🤢

He’s clearly a bit dim when it comes to contraception.

Beware the zombie thread

Oh yes, this is a zombie thread - well OP, how did it work out??

Maybe Mumsnet could colour/ label zombie threads so no one wastes time on them.

Like a huge Z next to them for example.

I would run fast and far.

That is too complicated. He's never going to have money if he's being responsible about supporting those four kids, or he's lying about how much money he does have in an effort to not support them. It's possible though I'd guess unlikely he's been in committed relationships with all three of these women, but either way he sounds irresponsible at best.

Red flags all over the place. Hes irresponsible with his sperm, irresponsible with his money, he's a cocklodger in the making, leaving a trail of single mothers in his wake. You'll be next unless you run --->

Doh zombie thread