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Original poster

He's got four children by 3 different women. Should I care?

241 replies

1stdatejiggyness · 28/05/2018 23:26

I'm third date in with a guy I really like. However, he has four children by three different women aged 13 years to 1 year old. I think he may ask to take it to the next stage soon but I have my reservations.

I know I don't know the full story and forgive me for stereotyping but I can't help but think he may lack stability or be a player. He's so charming and says all the right things though. I'm worried he may be a womaniser or fall in love too quickly. Not only that, he's been honest and told me he's often broke halfway through the month. I try to be understanding about his financial situation but I'm starting to feel guilty when we spend money on a night out. I'm happy to pay my share but he keeps reminding me how difficult it is to pay for.

Can someone on a below average income really support four children and consider having a girlfriend? He says he has been single and celebate for 6 months.

OP posts:
FriendlyOcelot · 29/05/2018 09:37

With OR

Fatball · 29/05/2018 09:40

I find it baffling that you’d even consider this bloke. Just why would you?

BlueJava · 29/05/2018 09:43

Not a chance I'd want to see him again.

LoxieRose · 29/05/2018 09:47

You'll end up as baby mum number 4.

Original poster
1stdatejiggyness · 29/05/2018 09:53

I like him but I'd never bring him around my children or anything. I've decided not to seriously consider him as a serious partner but definitely want to still continue to see him. We get along. He's intelligent, caring... I'm conscious of the fact that this honeymoon period will end but I want to keep him around in the meantime.. but obviously, I'm leading him on and that's wrong too

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 29/05/2018 09:58

FFS have some self respect and don't waste any more time with this loser!

Shiftymake · 29/05/2018 10:07

Not rtt, but I have known and met my fair share of players. You are a catch and he knows it, I would highly suggest that you run for the hills, not now, yesterday!

Donthugmeimscared · 29/05/2018 10:18

Sounds like my dds dad he has had no contact with her in 12years (she's 13) he moves on every few years and has more. He's always been forced into it and it's always the woman's fault. He now has 4 the youngest being one. I only know this as he always tries to contact dd (who doesn't want to know) to let her know every time a new baby is born.

My question would be does he still have contact with his older children?

Original poster
1stdatejiggyness · 29/05/2018 10:27

Yes. He spends a lot on all of his kids. I have no idea how he manages to arrange seeing them all at the same time but he took them all (minus the baby) to the Comicon superhero festival at the weekend. Then trampolining...THEN dinner! So, he's doing well for the situation he's in. Sorry people but I rate him for that. Better than my DCs father.

OP posts:
fluffyrobin · 29/05/2018 10:34

Fantastic op, sounds like you're into a winner!

One contraceptive fail and yours can be joining them Grin

Idgie · 29/05/2018 10:54

Words are cheap. Believe his actions. At the very best he's thick as a brick and can't figure out what makes babies. He certainly hasn't made good decisions for his existing DC by going on to have more children with more women. Don't settle for him and don't make your children's lives that complicated.

Idgie · 29/05/2018 10:57

Yes. He spends a lot on all of his kids. I have no idea how he manages to arrange seeing them all at the same time but he took them all (minus the baby) to the Comicon superhero festival at the weekend. Then trampolining...THEN dinner! So, he's doing well for the situation he's in. Sorry people but I rate him for that. Better than my DCs father.

You need to raise the bar a bit....that's not superhero stuff. That's what parents do.

notacooldad · 29/05/2018 11:02

If this was about a woman with children by different Fathers, the responses would be very different.
Not necessarily.My advice to anyone would be to avoid someone with a complicated relationship history. I like to keep my life drama free as much as possible. I would be worried about finances not being equal if some one is paying out to a load of previous kids. Also if they weren't paying out to previous kids I would think they were a bit of a shit to be honest.

trixymalixy · 29/05/2018 11:05

Have you heard the expression "Disney dad" OP?

isthismylifenow · 29/05/2018 11:05

Sorry people but I rate him for that

Ok then.

Not sure why you posted as you are going to continue to see him. Just be wary if he asks you for a loan, somewhere to stay, etc etc.

MiggeldyHiggins · 29/05/2018 11:09

If this was about a woman with children by different Fathers, the responses would be very different

Would it? If op was a man and talking about a woman, I'd tell him to leg it as well.

TimeToDash · 29/05/2018 11:10

Yep, sounds flighty!!

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 29/05/2018 11:17

Nothing wrong with enjoying the sex and the companionship. It becomes a problem when he wants to stay over, which means him getting into your children's lives and then you find yourself helping him out financially cos he's spent all his money on his kids. Before you know it, you've got yourself a cocklodger.
Hopefully he is paying proper child support, that goes towards food and school uniforms and not just doing the disney dad thing of taking thrm to comicon, while their mothers pay for the bills!

Borisdaspide · 29/05/2018 11:20

So Yeah, he's a Disney dad. I'm much more impressed by people who do the shitwork day in day out.

Rock solid contraception, OK. That's my advice.

Viola82 · 29/05/2018 11:28

I don't mean to be nosy (hope you don't mind!) but how he explained his family situation?

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 29/05/2018 11:28

I've got four kids to three different men, I posted up thread. Am I a skank?

Thisnamechanger · 29/05/2018 11:32

If this was about a woman with children by different Fathers, the responses would be very different

There was a thread about this not long ago; everyone stuck up for the woman and said it was her choice etc. and if men avoided her they were judgmental and shallow.

Dancingmonkey87 · 29/05/2018 11:56

Don’t you want more for yourself op, no someone was got a track record as long as his arm. I wouldn’t entertain him. You’ve been single a year give it time to find the right one

Shoxfordian · 29/05/2018 11:58

I wouldn't date a woman with that many children either, no offence @chocolate

Nothing to do with how many fathers in my case, everything to do with a lot of children being a lot of hassles and baggage.

KingLooieCatz · 29/05/2018 12:04

There's typically a world of difference between a woman with 4 children by three fathers and the other way round.

Typically, a man can walk away as soon as the mother is pregnant.

That's the crux of it.

Not many women with 4 children, youngest under one, have the time and energy to initiate a new relationship. They're typically the ones doing the tedious day to day stuff and sleepless nights. And to be considered lucky if the dad does one day a week.

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