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Original poster

He's got four children by 3 different women. Should I care?

241 replies

1stdatejiggyness · 28/05/2018 23:26

I'm third date in with a guy I really like. However, he has four children by three different women aged 13 years to 1 year old. I think he may ask to take it to the next stage soon but I have my reservations.

I know I don't know the full story and forgive me for stereotyping but I can't help but think he may lack stability or be a player. He's so charming and says all the right things though. I'm worried he may be a womaniser or fall in love too quickly. Not only that, he's been honest and told me he's often broke halfway through the month. I try to be understanding about his financial situation but I'm starting to feel guilty when we spend money on a night out. I'm happy to pay my share but he keeps reminding me how difficult it is to pay for.

Can someone on a below average income really support four children and consider having a girlfriend? He says he has been single and celebate for 6 months.

OP posts:
YouAreNotImportant · 29/05/2018 08:19

Yes a woman would likely be living with her children by different Dads but I'm sure there wouldn't be comments about how irresponsible she is, she must have sucked all those men in, spread her legs for anyone and should be planning her sterilisation..

Sametimesameplace · 29/05/2018 08:22

Well there are very derogatory and judgemental comments made towards women in the public eye with children by different men so not sure that is the case.

JanetJacket77 · 29/05/2018 08:24

Youare yes unfortunately there would be actually just like you have demonstrated.

Soozikinzi · 29/05/2018 08:28

I think you're right to be cautious before together too commuted yourself. He must beta charmer. Youngest only being 1 is also recent .

Helmetbymidnight · 29/05/2018 08:31

Is it my brother? Grin

Women love him (shrug) I guess the rampant fertility is part of the attraction...

greendale17 · 29/05/2018 08:36

No I wouldn’t even consider it. It would put me off

Puttingthefootdown · 29/05/2018 08:43

Is he my ex by any chance? Probably not because your grammar suggests you wouldn't be stupid enough to consider a relationship with him. Unfortunately for me I was a child when I met him at 15 turning 16 and he was 20. He already had a child. Had 2 by me and then went on to have another. All he has recently abandoned, and all ranging from 13-1. See the similarity lol?

My ex is on benefits and has just found a new woman with a child. He goes for vulnerable people and spouts them a load of lies. Doesn't pay for any of his kids.

I'm telling you this genuinely because I wouldn't want another person to get caught up in his bullshit. Run! For the hills.

Puttingthefootdown · 29/05/2018 08:49

This gets more familiar as you type. His new woman is 34 and is in the proceedings of a divorce.

But I can definitely tell you, he sees none of his kids because he is a danger to them and we are all well aware of that now.

I really hope you think about this carefully OP.

Original poster
1stdatejiggyness · 29/05/2018 09:00

His last was a short fling. She already had two children. He didn't want her to keep the baby but she decided to keep it. I don't know the full story but it seems she hadn't taken her contraception. Shocked she wanted to keep the baby by a man she'd only known a few months. He sees his one year old often. I'm confident that relationship is over but of course, you never truly know

OP posts:
Ankorna · 29/05/2018 09:02

Imagine if this was a man saying "She has 4 kids by 3 different men"...

QueenOfTheAndals · 29/05/2018 09:02

Tbh, if he'd only known her a few months he should've used a condom. He's just making excuses for himself now.

Claystone · 29/05/2018 09:05

I'd class him as a good breeder, rather than a good father TBH

Puttingthefootdown · 29/05/2018 09:15

Why shouldn't she keep the baby. He is as much to blame. He could of used a condom. He's already slagging them off OP.

That's a huge red flag in itself.

LunaTrap · 29/05/2018 09:17

Tbf there was a thread a while ago with a woman who had 3 kids by 3 dads who was dating a new guy and she was criticized a fair bit, especially when she mentioned trying for number 4. It's a chaotic lifestyle to inflict on kids IMO.

JanetJacket77 · 29/05/2018 09:26

Sure sure blame the woman op. Given his history he shouldve used a condom or get snipped instead of suggesting terminating. He just sounds so gross. Hes not learnt anything and blames the women. Stay if you want to be mummy no.4

Sametimesameplace · 29/05/2018 09:28

It was so easy during the last relationship that he is likely to get another woman pregnant any day soon. You are presenting it as if it was nothing to do with him.

Sametimesameplace · 29/05/2018 09:29

Does he want more children op? Do you?

LunaTrap · 29/05/2018 09:30

And yes the fact that he completely relied on a 'short fling' to take responsibility for contraception despite his history and then blames her suggests he hasn't learned anything at all and takes a very carefree attitude to creating life.

JanetJacket77 · 29/05/2018 09:31

Some guys dont want a relation with a single mum. Some dont mind if tge children are older. You are settling because you think thats the best you could get. Its not and your children wont be 2 forever.

Biologifemini · 29/05/2018 09:32

If it was a short fling then he should have organised contraception.
He sounds dire.

Cawfee · 29/05/2018 09:33

Jesus Christ! Can you read back what you wrote OP! “It seems she hadn’t taken her contraception”!!!! Poor woman. Why (considering he’s had all of those other kids) wouldn’t he be an adult and take personal responsibility for his own contraception? No because guys like that just dip their wick anywhere and like unprotected. No personal responsibility and it’s always everybody else’s issue/problem. Woe is him eh? Poor misunderstood man. You come across as desperate and he’s thinking “woohoo” why would you be desperate enough for a man to take this one on? Have more self respect. You are bringing this loser into your kids lives too. I’d suggest counselling so that you can work out why you’d even consider dating this guy. It’s really really sad and I feel awfully sorry for you

MyBreadIsEggy · 29/05/2018 09:33

I’d run for the hills.
Red flags for me:

  • clearly he has a blasé attitude to contraception
  • way too many previous partners that he’s permanently tied to now he’s gathered children with them
  • probably 3 different visitation schedules for the children

Just seems like way more than I’d willingly take on

expatinscotland · 29/05/2018 09:35

This guy is a total skank. How are you standards so low you'd even give this skeezy bloke the time of day? He's on the road to Baby Mama No. 4. Looking for the next woman whose table he can get his feet under to cut expenses.

'His last was a short fling. She already had two children. He didn't want her to keep the baby but she decided to keep it. I don't know the full story but it seems she hadn't taken her contraception. Shocked she wanted to keep the baby by a man she'd only known a few months. He sees his one year old often. I'm confident that relationship is over but of course, you never truly know'

He is having unprotected sex with people.

You need to get tested for STIs.

greendale17 · 29/05/2018 09:35

Imagine if this was a man saying "She has 4 kids by 3 different men"...

FriendlyOcelot · 29/05/2018 09:36

The charming man issue would be a red flag for me too, with it without kids!