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Original poster

Telling his wife as a parting Shot

209 replies

HennaTattoo · 29/04/2018 08:19

If you were the wife, would you want to know about your husbands infidelity? To be told by his OW? My friend has been having an affair for a couple of years now. I've kept out of it ( not my circus if you get the drift). She's finally decided after waiting for him to make good on his promises to her that it's never going to happen. He said that it's not the right time, can't hurt his family etc which is all the usual script. Theyre never going to be together. She told me last night that she's had enough and basically wants her life to be more than the crumbs he's giving her.
I agreed she was doing the right thing and had seen sense. ( thought she never should have done it in the first place but hey ho).Anyway, she thinks his wife should know. She wants to meet her. Apparently his wife thinks he's everything marvellous and my friend wants to set her straight with a bucketful of evidence of the cheating he's done. I told her to walk away and not do it. But then I've no idea really. I think I'd want to know if it was me.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 29/04/2018 08:20

No, she just wants to destroy someone else’s life so they feel bad like she does. She was happy for her not to know when she was shagging her husband, now it’s just a vindictive move.

Atalune · 29/04/2018 08:22

No. That’s evil.

Hatewaybuloo · 29/04/2018 08:23

No she’d be doing it out of spite,

Mannix · 29/04/2018 08:24

I'm not sure your friend's motives are the best ones (sounds like it's more about hurting him than helping her?), but having said that, I'd want to know if I was the wife.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 29/04/2018 08:25

It's revenge not a favour to the wife.

MeanTangerine · 29/04/2018 08:27

If she's happy to fuck someone else's husband, she may be happy to fuck yours too. Something to think about.

Anyway, yeah. She is jealous of his wife and wants to destroy her life for that reason. "If I can't have him then neither can you" etc etc. Dishonest, selfish, vindictive.

Pompom42 · 29/04/2018 08:27

I don't think she should meet the wife. In my knowledge instead of the wife feeling hurt or resentful towards the husband their hate turns to the other female, almost making the husband like the innocent party. I've seen it happen. The wife gave the ow a wallop and walked off hand in hand with the husband like none of it was his fault.

HeyDolly · 29/04/2018 08:28

No. Her motivation for doing so is spite and revenge and to hurt the wife. She needs to move on and take a long hard look at herself.

Typeractive · 29/04/2018 08:28

This is pure spite. She should get out of their marriage and leave well alone.

Hideandgo · 29/04/2018 08:29

It’s clearly not for the right reasons but yes, I think she should tell.

The more common it becomes to let people (mostly women) know they’re being fucked over and humiliated the less likely people are to do it to their ‘loved ones’. At least some might think twice but right now society tends to just be complicit with ‘not my circus’ attitudes. It’s a rare affair that NOBODY knows about. And the OW it OM always knows about it.

SendintheArdwolves · 29/04/2018 08:29

Her motives aren't the noblest - she clearly couldn't give two shits about the wife whilst the affair was in progress. Her gripe is that he wouldn't leave his wife, not that he is doing something bad by cheating on her.

But I still think she should tell the wife. The wife deserves to have all the information about her marriage so she can decide whether to stay, take steps to protect her health and make sense of any "gut feelings" / suspicions she may have had.

The ow's motivations don't trump her right to the truth - ultimately I would want to know.

LuckyAmy1986 · 29/04/2018 08:30

She does sound spiteful. But then I would want to know if I was the wife.

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 29/04/2018 08:30

Oh I’m on the fence I hate the notion of the asshole just moving on playing happy families when ultimately he is the main person at fault. However I agree with the PP your friends motives are fucked up.

Sickandtiredofthisshit · 29/04/2018 08:30

I'd advise walking away with dignity. Things said out of spite do not soothe either parties soul.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 29/04/2018 08:31

She is doing it out of spite not for another reason.

If she was that concerned about his wife she wouldn't have been fucking her husband behind her back would she?

It's all about her not his wife.

TheNavigator · 29/04/2018 08:33

Going against the grain, the wife deserves to know. Knowledge is power, she is not a child and is entitled to make an informed decision about her marriage. Shit way to find out, but better than being kept in the dark.

Adversecamber22 · 29/04/2018 08:34

She is doing it purely for revenge and is being dishonest about the reason. However how can you expect and good behaviour from this woman.

But I think the poor wife has a right to know.

keepingbees · 29/04/2018 08:35

She's doing it for selfish reasons and she cannot now say she cares about his wife after what she's done!
But... if it was my husband then I'd want to know.

Original poster
HennaTattoo · 29/04/2018 08:38

She's a bit of a loose cannon at the moment. I think those of you who said spiteful are probably right. She was vulnerable at the time and he must have known it. All the rubbish about his wife not being there for him and she believed it. She's watched him do the family thing, holidays, celebrations etc and I think she's just broken. Why the hell do men do this? She says she's screen shot his messages, she has intimate pictures..the lot. It's prayed on my mind now as I can imagine being faced with that as his wife. The fallout will be massive.

OP posts:
RoundaboutSnail · 29/04/2018 08:38

I think it's right that the wife should know, regardless of what the OP's reason is for telling her.

Bathsheba1878 · 29/04/2018 08:39

Regardless of motives I think the wife has the right to know. In all likelihood the husband will simply move on to the next affair if he feels there have been no adverse consequences to having had this one. When I was in this situation the OW’s husband found out and nearly told me ( I found out several years later) he even drove to my house but when he saw me walking down the road with my son ( 5 at the time) couldn’t bear to inflict that pain. I understand why he didn’t but the pain would have been a whole lot less than I ultimately went on to suffer through not knowing.

ClaryFray · 29/04/2018 08:42

If she's happy to fuck someone else's husband, she may be happy to fuck yours too. Something to think about.

Oh ffs really? Yes because all OW are sexual deviants! Who can't keep it in there pants!!! Wow! I'm shocked here! Really I am.

But another vote for not telling her. It's daft. Just move on.

SickofThomasTheTank · 29/04/2018 08:43

Yes tell the wife. I cannot stand all this "Stay out of it" "walk away" attitude these days. She deserves to know.

Sparrowlegs248 · 29/04/2018 08:45

I don't think she's doing it for the right reasons but I think his wife deserves to know what a shit she's married to.

OliviaStabler · 29/04/2018 08:47

This is purely an act of revenge. If she gave one crap about his wife, she never would have gone to bed with him in the first place.

She should leave well alone and learn the lesson that some married men will saying anything to get a woman into bed; promise that they'll be together eventually etc.