Telling his wife as a parting Shot

[HennaTattoo]

If you were the wife, would you want to know about your husbands infidelity? To be told by his OW? My friend has been having an affair for a couple of years now. I've kept out of it ( not my circus if you get the drift). She's finally decided after waiting for him to make good on his promises to her that it's never going to happen. He said that it's not the right time, can't hurt his family etc which is all the usual script. Theyre never going to be together. She told me last night that she's had enough and basically wants her life to be more than the crumbs he's giving her.
I agreed she was doing the right thing and had seen sense. ( thought she never should have done it in the first place but hey ho).Anyway, she thinks his wife should know. She wants to meet her. Apparently his wife thinks he's everything marvellous and my friend wants to set her straight with a bucketful of evidence of the cheating he's done. I told her to walk away and not do it. But then I've no idea really. I think I'd want to know if it was me.

Personally I think she's wanting to do the right thing for the wrong reasons. If she cared one iota about what his wife deserves she wouldn't have been shagging her husband buuuut if I was the wife I would want to know so I could get well shot. If your friend is expecting any kind of female solidarity or thankfulness though she's is def barking up the wrong tree.

If she wants to destroy any chance whatsoever of getting him back, by all means she should tell the wife.

Not that I think either one of them is much of a prize, but still.

Remind her to dig two graves.

Been thinking on it. From her point of view it’s not a bad thing. It gets rid of him forever, it’s a proper nail in the coffin on their relationship. And maybe she needs that. Otherwise I imagine he would sting her along for years

So the OW should hurt the wife as part of her own healing process?

I didn’t mean it that she should hurt the wife.
Personally I think the wife should know the cunt she’s married to.
Tbh I think it might serve both the ow and the wife

And HE HAS hurt his wife. More than anyone
We can all hurt strangers. But to hurt someone we love is another ball game all together

Actually 3 reasons, your friend deserves some revenge

She deserves fuck all.

What will happen once it ends? Do him and your friend work together? If so will she find a new job?

Smeddum Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with? As the song goes.

They don't work together. I don't think their paths would have to cross, which surely would be a good thing. I'm probably going to chat to her tomorrow as she is back home. I'm thinking if she'd made good on her threat to tell, she'd have told me by now. I just hope she doesnt end up with him anyhow, either from his wife showing him the door and him running to her or him talking her round.

Falling in love doesn't just happen. It's a choice to put yourself in a situation where you develop feelings for someone else's husband.
All this bollocks about love is just what selfish people tell themselves to excuse twatty behaviour.

I disagree. People can fall in love very quickly. I don’t think you can really stop it. What if two people can’t avoid each other because they work together or something. I really don’t think people who have extra marital affairs are necessarily bad people or go out looking for an affair. Life just ain’t that simple.

It’s a blessing they don’t work together. How did they end up first meeting OP?

She knew what type of man he was by the fact he was cheating on his wife. Can’t be too much of a shock that he would treat her like dirt as well. She should take her medicine see it as a lesson learned and leave well alone.

Yea you can fall in love (or most likely lust) but you can also NOT sleep with a married person it’s not actually hard to make the choice of not being part of someone’s misery.

Your friend has very shit standards if she goes for piers and cheats why on earth would you want to be with someone who tells you they have a wife even with all the BS he spun.

Your friends is doing this to be malicious, she didn’t get her prize wasn’t enough for him to leave his wife so now she’s ha OMG a strop! I wouldn’t trust her full stop but I also wouldn’t trust her to be factual to the wife and not nasty I have no doubt she will do her best to make that woman hurt.

You better friends.

Or rather liars not piers!

She should take her medicine see it as a lesson learned and leave well alone

This. Virtually anything else is always wrongly motivated and shit all to do with concerns for the wife's welfare. Especially when they're choosing to meet up. Why is that necessary fgs?

She should threaten to tell his wife but not actually do it.

Hopefully he will live in fear of that and will think twice about hearing again

Cheating, not hearing

No point making a threat that you won't carry out.

Also no point in telling the wife except to make her collateral damage in the mistress' personal quest for revenge.

In some ways I think that's worse than the affair. She presumably had the affair because it made her feel good. She'd be doing this to make two other people, including an innocent, feel bad. Destroy their lives, even. If kids are involved, it's even worse.

Notin this case. This is not about concern for the wife, if she gave that much of a shit why did she sleep with the woman’s husband in the first place.

Pleasant woman.

No point making a threat that you won't carry out

There absolutely is. He doesn’t know she won’t, maybe she will? One day

His wife won’t show him the door and he will blacken your chum’s name so hard in order to redeem himself and keep wifey on side

OP, I'm not sure this is the right place to post this thread. MN is a wonderful place, full of intelligent and generally compassionate women, but when it comes to extra-marital affairs it's not the most balanced place to get a response. The majority of people who post on here about affairs tend to have very strong views and many have been on the receiving end of the pain an affair can cause.

Life is not black and white. Nor are affairs. While it's tempting, it helps no one to categorise cheating partners and OWs as evil. It really isn't that simple. Good people can do really shitty things, but the reasons can be complicated and it doesn't mean they are awful people who deserve to rot in hell and have no friends.

While I'd want to know if I was the wife, I don't think your friend should be the one doing it because it will only ever make her feel spiteful and it will not be good for her own emotional recovery. Unless the husband is the best lover on the planet ever and your friend has a great deal of difficulty controlling herself sexually, their relationship has fulfilled an emotional need in her which was never healthy in the first place. And however wrong it was, it has now been taken from her and she is grieving it. Furthermore, she will know she is the architect of her own misfortune to some extent. To put this behind her, she needs to do a lot of thinking and talking to good friends or possibly a counsellor. What she does not need to do is compound her guilt by doing something spiteful. The end may be justified, but she will further damage herself by being the means.

Oh blah blah blah 😅