Telling his wife as a parting Shot

[HennaTattoo]

If you were the wife, would you want to know about your husbands infidelity? To be told by his OW? My friend has been having an affair for a couple of years now. I've kept out of it ( not my circus if you get the drift). She's finally decided after waiting for him to make good on his promises to her that it's never going to happen. He said that it's not the right time, can't hurt his family etc which is all the usual script. Theyre never going to be together. She told me last night that she's had enough and basically wants her life to be more than the crumbs he's giving her.
I agreed she was doing the right thing and had seen sense. ( thought she never should have done it in the first place but hey ho).Anyway, she thinks his wife should know. She wants to meet her. Apparently his wife thinks he's everything marvellous and my friend wants to set her straight with a bucketful of evidence of the cheating he's done. I told her to walk away and not do it. But then I've no idea really. I think I'd want to know if it was me.

The fact she had an affair is not satisfying for her ?

No instead she wants to spite the wife

Honestly when motives are ethical I usually say tell but here the motives are pure wicked.

PoundingTheStreets spoken like a true OW! It’s not complicated, you just stay away from someone who is taken. It’s really quite simple. If someone can’t do that, it shows how incredibly selfish they are and they deserve no ones sympathy or respect.

It’s spiteful but in all honesty I wish one if the many women by ex husband had it away with had told me. Might have saved myself years of wondering and guessing but never actually finding out until after he left and I was going through stuff for the house sale

I've never been an OW.

I work in an industry where affairs are rife among both sexes and I've seen the damage they do. But it's also why I know the unfaithful are also capable of great acts of kindness and loyalty just as much as they can be flawed and selfish. They are ordinary people who have made bad judgments. It's not making excuses for their behaviour, but it's very black and white and immature thinking to say all people who have affairs are out-and-out selfish no gooders, end of.

My perspective was written for the OP who has asked advice because her friend is the OW, not the cheating spouse or the betrayed wife. I've chosen to answer in a way that offers her advice on how to support her friend.

Thanks all. emotions do run high on this I know. Tbh I did think it was the right place to post it as maybe I've had a bit of a sheltered ( hate that word but don't know how else to phrase it) life so far...was thinking there are wise bods on here.
I think they met at the gym.. she doesn't go anymore , no idea if he does. Probably tells his wife he does...
She's normally a pretty forthright person in terms of carrying through what she says so I think she will do it. Expecting a call tonight so will see if there have been developments.

I know the unfaithful are also capable of great acts of kindness and loyalty

Except to their partner.

Of course people involved in affairs can be good people. But so what? In the case of their personal lives they are being anything but good.

I can't believe this thread is still running!
OP, have you spoken to your friend since you started this thread?
It does seen a bit odd that you are so involved in all this and claim to be a spectator. It just doesn't sit right.
Either you have very little going on in your own life or you are the one having the affair !

More than likely the wife is aware of he affair if it has been going on for a while.

Your friend appears unhedged....