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Original poster

The cat is.out of the bag, just want to protect my DD

214 replies

niteandfog · 04/03/2018 11:47

For.thode who know.my story, everybody now knows about the affair. I know I'll get substantial amounts of name calling as expected, but my main worry is my DD. Although I still can't think of what they could do to her I just want to protect her from this fallout. I think I'll probably have to change her of school, but I guess it's sely days.

OP posts:
Pogmella · 04/03/2018 11:49

Who is 'they'?

LittleLights · 04/03/2018 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 04/03/2018 11:55

Who told his wife you or him. Your last post was full of contradictions, the one before said you had already both left your partners.

Angelf1sh · 04/03/2018 11:58

Presumably you are talking about your ex or his ex and kids - why would either of them want to hurt your daughter? The children of your ex might but presumably they’re some time off meeting her yet. I think you’re overthinking things and creating a drama where there is really unlikely to be one.

Original poster
niteandfog · 04/03/2018 11:59

Yes... Dad from school. Yes, we've both left our spouses. Somebody saw him getting into my house, so h had to come clean. My ex already knew (from me) my bf always tried to deny everything until today when he came clean.

OP posts:
AllTheGoodOnesAreUnavailable · 04/03/2018 12:03
Hmm You again. Should have thought about these things before the affair shouldn't you.
SomeKnobend · 04/03/2018 12:04

It's a bit late to be thinking of dd now tbh. You should have thought of that before having the affair, and then not had it. Now she's paying the price for your actions. It's bloody unfair, poor thing.

SparklyMagpie · 04/03/2018 12:06

"my bf always tried to deny everything until today when he came clean."

Oh he sounds just as lovely as you OP,it must be love

Original poster
niteandfog · 04/03/2018 12:07

Well.i don't even know if anything will happen. I know his kids know the truth (which was completely unnecessary if you ask me).

OP posts:
Angelf1sh · 04/03/2018 12:10

Well it’s too late to worry about now. Pulling her out of her school and away from her friends will be another disruption for your daughter which just feels unfair to me. Leave it alone and wait and see what happens.

Chugalug · 04/03/2018 12:11

Interesting thought....you have the fun doing as you please ,and your daughter pays the price having to change school...no..you leave her be ,no one will be angry with yr dd.they will pity her for having such a selfish mother who didn't put her first...you my lady ,just don't want to face the playground gossips

Minus4 · 04/03/2018 12:12

You said on your previous thread that your dd was fine about it all.

I think taking her out of her school is the worst thing you can do.

SoupDragon · 04/03/2018 12:12

Just add her to the list of people you’ve hurt.

Iooselipssinkships · 04/03/2018 12:13

Don't you worry if he's capable of doing this then he's capable of doing it to you further down the line?
I know there's always an exception but relationships that start as affair don't tend to have a happy ending.
If you're having to move DD schools because of your affair then shame on you. She shouldn't have to uproot and leave her friends, that's ridiculous.

UnicornsandRainbows1 · 04/03/2018 12:16

I know his kids know the truth (which was completely unnecessary if you ask me).

Well I'm glad those who will have their lives disrupted by your selfish behaviour will actually know the reason why. Sorry if it puts the pair of you in a bad light.

Presumably at some point your DD may find out anyway

OnionKnight · 04/03/2018 12:17

Karma is a bitch isn't it OP?

Anyone could have told you that your whole family would be affected by your shenanigans.

Original poster
niteandfog · 04/03/2018 12:17

Well I don't know if his kids will tell her anything or if any of the mums will, to me this is uncharted territory but I would hope they'd leave my DD out if it. And yes she's been doing absolutely fine!! That's why I'm worried

OP posts:
Lucked · 04/03/2018 12:21

If you are both single why is it anyone’s business.

Feel a massive drip feed is coming.

Do you have kids in the same class?

OnionKnight · 04/03/2018 12:23

If you are both single why is it anyone’s business.

AFAIK the man isn't, the wife was unaware.

The OP doesn't seem to know whether she's single or not.

DollyRose102 · 04/03/2018 12:25

There's a great book that I am reading at the moment - Esther Perel "The State Of Affairs" which is about rethinking infidelity.

Yes affairs are destructive, yes they affect families and people get hurt. However, the reasons for people being unfaithful are very diverse. I'm just saying that it's not always black and white. Just because OP has had an affair doesn't mean she doesn't care about her daughter or didn't think about her!

OP I hope you manage to sort things for your daughter. Maybe talk to the school as they may be able to offer some support for her? Hopefully the playground gossip won't teach her and she'll be as unaffected as possible.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 04/03/2018 12:29

It sounds as though you’re expecting shit to happen. It could be that none of the kids are interested. You made the choice, you deal with the consequences as and when they arise.

BunchOfYellowTulips · 04/03/2018 12:30

dolly I think that’s bollocks. The only reason why people have affairs is because they want to. End of.

Sorry for going off topic.

Qvar · 04/03/2018 12:32

this thread makes no sense in isolation. This website is huge and you can't expect anyone to know who you are and what you're talking about.

So go on, what's the situation and what are you talking about?

OurMiracle1106 · 04/03/2018 12:34

Actions have consequences
I don’t know why you was expecting his wife to lie or hide things from her kids to protect you or your DD.

They probably already feel lied to and betrayed by their dad why should the Mum also have.

PoorYorick · 04/03/2018 12:34

'Cat out of the bag'? You've been on here not long ago asking how to 'transition' and talking about how you'll soon be 'the talk of the town''. Have you not been making preparations for your daughter while you're preparing for the very situation you've been engineering?

I'm not of the black and white 'all affairs are evil' school of thought, especially in marriages as unhappy and incompatible as yours appears to be. But I do wish people would accept some responsibility for them. They don't just happen to people.