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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The cat is.out of the bag, just want to protect my DD

214 replies

niteandfog · 04/03/2018 11:47

For.thode who know.my story, everybody now knows about the affair. I know I'll get substantial amounts of name calling as expected, but my main worry is my DD. Although I still can't think of what they could do to her I just want to protect her from this fallout. I think I'll probably have to change her of school, but I guess it's sely days.

OP posts:
DancesWithOtters · 04/03/2018 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rothbury · 04/03/2018 13:24

My XH had an affair with the mother of one of DS best friends when he was about 9. The other 9 year old beat the shit out of my DS.

HTH

You are unutterably selfish. I hope you get what you deserve.

MatildaTheCat · 04/03/2018 13:25

I don’t know any of the ins and outs of this. An old friend had an affair with one of the school dads and was publicly shamed by the Om’s wife at the school gates. She was utterly humiliated.

She somehow stuck it out and the dc stayed at the school. They’ve grown up pretty balanced and she and her DH did manage to patch things up and are, I believe, pretty happy together.

It wasn’t a special time for her.

FrancisCrawford · 04/03/2018 13:27

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Creambun2 · 04/03/2018 13:32

Should have thought about your DD before having an affair.

Angelf1sh · 04/03/2018 13:33

Other posters should know that a couple of weeks ago the OP was seeking opinions on whether she should tell OM’s wife about the affair, she didn’t seem overly concerned about the effects of this on her daughter then.

Anyone who has read the OP’s posts since the summer knows that there’s definitely an element of revelling in attention and drama here.

hahahaIdontgetit · 04/03/2018 13:35

Well at least you didn't have to make good your threat to tell her yourself.

He didn't tell her because he wasn't sure what he wanted (is my most generous interpretation), you've only been together a matter of weeks and yet you're turning everyone life upside down.

You also mentioned in a previous thread that you think he'd run a mile if he knew about your MH issues. How are you planning on hiding that long term?

Again, in a previous thread you've suggested that your DD would be better with your STBXH, I think this would be preferable to pulling her out of school.

You've posted threat upon thread about this situation, I hope you're enjoying the drama in real life now it's all come out....

AnotherPlaceAnotherTime · 04/03/2018 13:36

I’m strangely gripped by this in an awful horrified car crash way.

OP, please just remember that there are innocent parties in this whole sorry mess. Try and show some sensitivity towards them.

Original poster
niteandfog · 04/03/2018 13:37

Well his kids hate him. I’ve told my ex that the secret is out. Now the BS sister has messaged me Telling me they’ve been sleeping together while we had the affair and while I was away. Like I care! I just don’t espanto my daughter to be humiliated that’s all

OP posts:
PerrieGrey · 04/03/2018 13:39

You don't seem in the slightest bit embarrassed. I think the best thing people could do is stop commenting on your posts and giving you the attention you so clearly crave. Go and fix this mess by yourself. You created it. I'm going to go back to celebrating what's good in the world and that I just got my BFP. This bs isn't worth anyone's time.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 04/03/2018 13:40

You don't care that he's been sleeping with both of you? Jesus have you no self respect?

WilburIsSomePig · 04/03/2018 13:41

You don't want your daughter to be humiliated? You have humiliated your daughter OP so don't expect anyone to buy that crap now ...

DancesWithOtters · 04/03/2018 13:43

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DamsonOnThisDress · 04/03/2018 13:43

Protect her by keeping in mind this is your drama not hers. Some people thrive on drama - that's fine - but be aware your drama could be very damaging for your daughter. She's a person in her own right, not a bit part in a soap. Just be a mum to her.

You need to be selfless. Make her your priority. It's about making her feel secure. Listen to her, keep her routine. Put her before you, him, the need for drama. She needs stability always, but especially now. Really listen to her.

Grand statements like 'She'll probably have to change schools' is not helpful to her. Is that really what SHE needs? I doubt that.

Her first. And just get on with it really - people aren't half as interested in your life as you'd think.

I wish your daughter the best.

AthenasOwl · 04/03/2018 13:44

You don't care that he's sleeping with both of you? You clearly couldn't give a flying fuck about anyone but yourself. You don't love this man but you're being complicit in ruining his ex wife and his kids lives and risking your own child's humiliation...you really are a selfish scumbag.

Creambun2 · 04/03/2018 13:44

"Well his kids hate him" - well yes, as it has come out he has been having an affair - wtf do you expect?

PNGirl · 04/03/2018 13:44

Funny how in November you were going to cut all ties for 6 months and see where you were then. Obviously his libido got the better of his so-called conscience.

FrancisCrawford · 04/03/2018 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hahahaIdontgetit · 04/03/2018 13:48

He's been sleeping with his SIL as well? No wonder she was giving you evils. Grin

Well his DW is clearly better off without him, I'm sure she'll come to see that in time, but at the moment she'll be devastated.

Your confidence must be rock bottom if you think he's a good catch, but I expect that's why he targeted you. Look after yourself, I don't think you'll have many friends when this all comes out.

AJPTaylor · 04/03/2018 13:49

one of my dds friends mums had an affair with her best friends husband.
she ended up moving all 3 of her to different schools. small town though. it troubled her dd into adulthood.

OhCalamity · 04/03/2018 13:51

He's getting more and more textbook with every post.

Right now he's at home minimising like fuck. Painting you as some sort of crazy stalker. Lying through his teeth to his wife that he never touched you. Deleting all the texts and messages and pictures. Begging his wife to go to counselling. Begging all her family to help convince her to not kick him out on his arse. You will be getting blamed for everything. Because he's a cunt.

DamsonOnThisDress · 04/03/2018 13:55

Oh boy. Missed the SIL stuff. Nice.

Seriously, cut all ties. It's a mess. Your daughter deserves better than this. End this. Get on with your life with your daughter. Perhaps get counselling?

Original poster
niteandfog · 04/03/2018 13:56

He moved out about 3 weeks ago. No, while I was away he apparently slept with his stbxw but that's actually a lie as we facetime most of that evening.... So I know they're lying.

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 04/03/2018 13:58

@franciscrawford
I'm assuming the kids go to the same school.
What's the alternative? The kids fight in the playground? Drama and tension amongst the parents at the school gates?
The situation is already shit-I'm suggesting OP tries to make the 'best' out of a bad situation by pulling her kid out, especially if she and new guy are likely to stay together, and, thus, not rubbing their relationship in the faces of OM wife and kids.

PNGirl · 04/03/2018 14:00

My friend's dad had an affair with a mum in her town. Friend ended up moving in with said woman, her dad, her sibling, and her 2 kids who were our much-disliked classmates. And they all lived happily ever after.

(Just kidding. One of the other kids got pregnant at 14 to an older man and my friend no longer speaks to her dad after a lot of therapy, but hey, he was happy so whatever, right?)