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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The cat is.out of the bag, just want to protect my DD

214 replies

niteandfog · 04/03/2018 11:47

For.thode who know.my story, everybody now knows about the affair. I know I'll get substantial amounts of name calling as expected, but my main worry is my DD. Although I still can't think of what they could do to her I just want to protect her from this fallout. I think I'll probably have to change her of school, but I guess it's sely days.

OP posts:
IrisAtwood · 04/03/2018 18:19

And you know what. I’m not sure that you are hairy handed because it has been running for so long and it has a sickening plausibility.
Otherwise you should be writing for a soap - because it’s a good story and very believable for those of us who have experience of people like that.

mamahanji · 04/03/2018 18:19

Knowing about mummy's new boyfriend and him moving in a few days later is a different thing.

For fucks sake you say you want to protect your daughter. Yet you're willing to leave your husband, disrupt her at school, and move your new boyfriend in in the space of a few weeks all for your own selfish wants.

You're a shit and selfish mum and your daughter is gonna get so upset and confused about her new bloody daddy moving in so quickly.

Sort your self out.

And as you have said you already have mental heath issues, do you think your daughter is telling you what you want to hear as she feels responsible for your emotions? I highly doubt your daughter is so happy you are divorced and can see how happy you are already.

DontDIY · 04/03/2018 18:37

If you’re not what I suspect you are, you are the most self absorbed person I’ve ever come across on here.

You’re really thinking about moving him in already? If I was your ex, I’d be getting on to my lawyer and going for full custody of your poor kid.

DavetheCat2001 · 04/03/2018 18:39

Either way OP is a disaster zone.

If s/he is straight up then a narcissist of the highest order who needs help, or if a WUM then a sad attention seeker of the highest order who needs help.

Original poster
niteandfog · 04/03/2018 18:58

Well I want to help him and protect my daughter at the same time. We're in this together after all. I still don't quite understand how is it possible that his 10 year old knows what's going on. I definitely would have had a clue at that age.

OP posts:
Anasnake · 04/03/2018 19:05

'We're in this together ' - your dd didn't ask to be in this at all.

Offred · 04/03/2018 19:08

It’s naive to think kids don’t know things adults try to hide from them.

10 years old is a big kid TBF.

You are not in anything together TBF.

Together you have chosen to act in a way that is likely to cause a lot of acrimony and fall out for many years for your spouses and DC.

You don’t need to be in anything together, in fact if being together or the way you might want to be together is likely to cause further compounding of the acrimony and harm then you should reconsider.

DD and his DC come first just now. They will not be children for long and you and this man have the rest of your lives to explore a relationship so right now you need to be ‘in it together’ with DD and your relationship with him needs to fit around that responsibility.

loveyoutothemoon · 04/03/2018 19:10

How would this be protecting your daughter? Confused

Coconutspongexo · 04/03/2018 19:17

I hope this isn’t true, it’s really sad if it is and I feel very very sorry for your daughter she deserves better

FrancisCrawford · 04/03/2018 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stitchglitched · 04/03/2018 19:21

You've both chosen to behave in a manner that will cause maximum pain, animosity and fallout for his family unit yet you are surprised his son knows and is angry with his Dad? Did you think everyone would be happy for you and wave you off into the sunset with your soulmate of all of 5 minutes?

foreveroverlooked · 04/03/2018 19:27

let's just let this thread fade quietly away guys.
she's been told she's deluded and needs help on her previous threads and yet she's still here this story never ends. she likes to wind people up.

Bakedappleflavour · 04/03/2018 19:29

Meh, wind up. Not a very interesting one either.

DavetheCat2001 · 04/03/2018 20:16

0/10

Thinkingofausername1 · 04/03/2018 20:28

It sounds like you have posted about this before?
I'm sure people would have warned you about the fall out!!

IrisAtwood · 04/03/2018 20:47

I’m out.

thunder10 · 04/03/2018 20:50

Oh you again....have you not learnt not to post on here yet? Or are you back just to get a kick out of kissing people off?

I don't think you are genuine - in previous posts you say you live in California but you certainly don't talk that way - and I think this is just a story in your head

However as far as your dd goes - you've caused her enough damage. Bit late to be worrying about her now. Especially as in previous posts you talk horribly about her. In someone else post you commented at how your pregnancy was the biggest mistake of your life. In your own posts you pretty much say you don't want her in your life and she's better off with your mum.

Also I reckon he slept with his wife :-)

Look forward to your next update in this soap opera

Chesntoots · 04/03/2018 21:49

I would definitely recommend more dragons...

LittleLights · 04/03/2018 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

louise5754 · 04/03/2018 22:29

How old is the daughter? When your daughter is staying at yours 3/4 days at a time does that mean you don't see your new man?

Original poster
niteandfog · 05/03/2018 04:47

I see him everyday and she knew she just never had any proof. She even tried to get information out of my ex.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 05/03/2018 05:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offred · 05/03/2018 05:32

Why ‘even’? Confused

Of course she asked your ex because you and her husband were lying to her and the DC and humiliating her and she was entitled to know.

I’d put money on them still sleeping together during that time too - hysterical bonding.

Pixel99 · 05/03/2018 06:02

You are a bit late to be concerned about your DD. I don't know your original story but to embark on an affair in those circumstances was unlikely to end well. My STBXH had an affair with a married work colleague whose DD was just 1 when it started. So she left a baby at home to see a married man - what a lovely mum! Neither my ex or she once thought about spouses or children. She wasn't the first or even the last. That said without knowing the ages of the DC concerned (reading this on a phone before I get up) unless his DC say something to her, and it depends on their ages. I doubt a parent would say anything. However these things have a way of coming out. Much like how you were discovered. I (and I suspect the husband of the OW) not to mention all the children involved are left to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives. You were selfish OP and your DD will probably suffer for your actions. I also suffered when my mum walked out during an affair. IT hurts OP. My heart broke then and my STBXH smashed it into pieces.

AthenasOwl · 05/03/2018 09:02

Of course he was sleeping with his wife lol you're a fool op. Utterly naive to believe this man wasn't having his cake and eating it too.

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