He tells me what to do

[AnotherMrLizard]

I've been in two minds about starting a thread about this, but I really need some advice.

I've been dating a man for two months now. He's very sweet and kind to me. But he continually tells me how to act. He talks to me like he's my parent, with instructions as to how to behave. For example, he tells me I am not allowed to put my fingers in my mouth. I've been told both not to chew my nails or to pick my teeth. Or we were in a shop the other day when I accidentally knocked something to the floor and he told me it hadn't been an accident and I obviously wasn't being careful enough. He tells me to be quiet when we are watching films (and no, I don't feel that I was talking excessively).

When I try to raise the issue of there being an imbalance of power in the relationship, he immediately becomes very angry and silences me. If I try to explain that he's hurting my feelings, he tells me my comments are manipulative. He also tells me about how he is right to tell me what to do. If I try again to explain my feelings, he always argues another point to win, for example saying, oh so you think I am a terrible person then.

He says it's my responsibility to perceive his actions positively. He says I'm oversensitive.

Am I really just annoying or should he not do this?

Another thing I've noticed is that he is not kind to serving staff. Which I know is a very bad sign.

Oh boy, block him everywhere. You need never speak to him again the prick

I’d also add that you may well have seemed like an easier target because of the Asperger’s - you are more vulnerable than most not to see through the early facade. I’d second you looking into the Freedom Programme to understand what is and isn’t acceptable in a relationship - us Aspie’s like rules and unfortunately you’re living by his rules rather than what’s right.

Yes, run, run, run.

When I try to raise the issue of there being an imbalance of power in the relationship

OP, do you think he has power over you?

Two months! You should still be in the honeymoon period, laughing and enjoying each other's company NOT arguing and treading on eggshells.

The verdict is unanimous yet you still have doubts. You deserve better and this will only get worse.

Block him on everything after you've sent him a text dumping him!

I agree with the others he is showing you what he is like from the beginning two months IS the beginning.

For goodness sake why would you let some man you hardly know tell you how to act, boss you around like a naughty child and tell you that your opinions dont matter?

No he isnt a good man he is controlling and awful. Do you know any other man who rules his partners life, tells them how ro behave and thinks its ok?

2 months in and he is treating you like some posession. Tell him the Victorian era is calling him to get back then tell him to stay there and never let him near you/contact you again.

End it now. Before long you wont have an opinion of your own? Wont be allowed out without him and wearing only 'dowdy' clothes and hoovering in straight lines every day.

You posted this less than a hour ago and look how much response you've had, everybody basically saying the same thing, what does that tell you? And for you to post in the first place means in your head you know it's not right

What an arse. Dump him.

As above. You really do deserve better.

My lovely mum married a man like this. Tells her what to wear, undermines her, takes out all his petty annoyances on her. She's had years of this shite. Its no way to live life.

Tell him its over. You won't ever regret it.

Freedom Programme by Women's Aid sounds great. Maybe it should be taught in schools...would enable more people to identify those red flags a waving.

Good Luck, we are on your side OP. Let us know how it goes.

Big Hugs x

See how he’s making you doubt yourself already? That’s just the start.

I was with someone EA. Very early on he told me off for swearing on Twitter. I wish I’d seen the sign.

SPRINT, don’t run.

You need to stop mulling over this emotionally abusive man and never make contact with him again.

Please tell your family, close friends, anyone, so they have your back, if you start feeling you need to start up with him again.

You said you have been in an abusive relationship before.

So this has now become a pattern with the relationships you are getting into. You are lacking in confidence.

Take a break from relationships and build up your self-worth and self-confidence. Read self-help books, see a counsellor or a hypnotherapist / look into the Subconcious mind to change your thinking patterns as to why you are feeling the way you do.

Good luck!

If you trust other people, trust everyone here and run for the hills.

OP. Never forget that relationships are voluntary. You made a CHOICE to enter into this relationship.
You have the RIGHT to make a choice NOT to be in it.
You are ALLOWED TO CHANGE YOUR MIND AT ANY TIME.

You are a capable adult woman who makes decisions in her everyday life all the time.

If he thinks he has the right to order you around he is WRONG and the issue is his alone.
You can say "No that doesn't work for me" and you are NOT OBLIGED to give a reason why.

Because who is he to criticize you? It isn't his job to 'improve you'
Does he get paid for it? No

Take back the power in your own life. You owe him nothing.
What you are seeing is his true personality.
And you deserve a partner that supports you, loves you FOR WHO YOU ARE.

He hasn't made the grade.
Not passed his probation.

'Bye Dickhead...all the best for the future'

You get ONE life.
It's YOUR choice who you have in it.

PM me if you need any help.
You've done the right thing asking

I feel so dreadful about myself
And he has managed to make you feel like in 2 months.
Imagine how you will feel in 2 years if you stay with this abusive nasty bully.
Your 'condition' means you miss things but these are glaringly obvious.
Did you get support from Womens Aid after your last abusive relationship?
If not then call them today.
You need to do their Freedom Programme.
Do it as fast as possible.
The fact you are even asking is very alarming.

GET OUT NOW!!!
THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Get rid.

is it a break from each other. or is he giving you the silent treatment.

just another tool he is using to control you

ask yourself, does this situation have a happy ever after ending ?

NO NO NO NO NO

OP , please look up 'out of the fog', your abusive twat of a boyfriend is a NARCISSIST, he will never change and you will become a shell of your former self! Run, look it up please, there are also Facebook groups for support.

ABUSER ALERT

Seriously OP, this guy is covered in red flags, he's an asshole who thinks he's superior to you.

Hope it’s over for good xx

Please leave him before he gets physical/brings you down even more.

This is worrying.

I should be allowed to say when something is making me feel uncomfortable and have those feelings listened to without having accusations of being of poor character though, shouldn't I?

YES, OP, a million times yes. You can feel however you feel. Your feelings are valid. Don't let anyone tell you they're not.

Just chuck him. Two months is nothing. He is a total arsehole.

RUN NOW!!!

Oh please, please end this now.

No explanations, no reasons . Just block.