Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He tells me what to do

341 replies

AnotherMrLizard · 26/01/2018 15:49

I've been in two minds about starting a thread about this, but I really need some advice.

I've been dating a man for two months now. He's very sweet and kind to me. But he continually tells me how to act. He talks to me like he's my parent, with instructions as to how to behave. For example, he tells me I am not allowed to put my fingers in my mouth. I've been told both not to chew my nails or to pick my teeth. Or we were in a shop the other day when I accidentally knocked something to the floor and he told me it hadn't been an accident and I obviously wasn't being careful enough. He tells me to be quiet when we are watching films (and no, I don't feel that I was talking excessively).

When I try to raise the issue of there being an imbalance of power in the relationship, he immediately becomes very angry and silences me. If I try to explain that he's hurting my feelings, he tells me my comments are manipulative. He also tells me about how he is right to tell me what to do. If I try again to explain my feelings, he always argues another point to win, for example saying, oh so you think I am a terrible person then.

He says it's my responsibility to perceive his actions positively. He says I'm oversensitive.

Am I really just annoying or should he not do this?

Another thing I've noticed is that he is not kind to serving staff. Which I know is a very bad sign.

OP posts:
DriggleDraggle · 27/01/2018 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Inertia · 27/01/2018 15:55

You've had a lucky escape. If you delete all traces of him he won't have any control over you any longer- the tactic of not reading the message is designed to make you care, and come running back for forgiveness. The only way to move on is to stop caring about anything he thinks or does.

It's tough when he seemed wonderful- but that was never really him. Men like that have to put on an act of being kind and likable, because otherwise they'd never have a relationship long enough to sink their claws in.

AnyFucker · 27/01/2018 16:16

You need to detach properly.

Lucymek · 27/01/2018 20:19

Your so lovely I hope you find someone who won't take advatange of you and who treats you as an equal. X

Footle · 27/01/2018 20:22

OP, you haven't finished your fascination with him yet. 'Finished' is when you don't wonder anything about him. I hope you get there.

DontDIY · 27/01/2018 20:24

He no doubt has read it. You can have the notification come up as a whole message, see it all (well a screens worth), then cancel out of it and it appears unread, I’m sure. It will only show as read if he goes back into it in messenger.

I think, anyway!

But OP, well done. Glad to see you took the advice and didn’t hang about. You’re so well rid.

AnotherMrLizard · 27/01/2018 21:08

Ok, I blocked him because I felt pressured to. But I wasn't ready to do it and now I feel horrendous.

OP posts:
DriggleDraggle · 27/01/2018 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Butterymuffin · 27/01/2018 21:40

Unblock him if you're not ready yet. You're in control.

Lizzie48 · 27/01/2018 21:47

You need to do what you want not what this man says you should or what we say you should. If you want to unblock him then do that.

marvelmummy13 · 27/01/2018 21:53

Please PLEASE read the freedom programme or even the warning signs ! 2 months in things will only get majorly and Im serious here WORSE!!!!

Run run now before its 5 years down the line you've completely lost your self worth independence and possible tied to this man with children Please just read the book !

100YearsOfVote · 27/01/2018 22:03

This man is why ghosting became a thing.
Run op. Quickly get out. This is going nowhere worthy of you (or anyone).

100YearsOfVote · 27/01/2018 22:04

Do you feel horrendous? Or afraid of his reaction?

ThisLittleKitty · 27/01/2018 22:05

Unblock him then you've asked for advice and people have given it. You obviously aren't ready to end it.

gamerchick · 27/01/2018 22:06

Blocking him means he’s deleted from your friends list now anyway. If you unblock him, he’ll probably block you to make a point and you’ll feel worse.

Leave it alone now Flowers

Dappledsunlight · 27/01/2018 23:04

Leave.... and burp really loudly as you do so!

tigercub50 · 27/01/2018 23:52

Lol at dappledsunlight!

AnotherMrLizard · 28/01/2018 14:14

I'm afraid that the blocking business was so horrible for me that I'm now getting back together with him. It just freaked me out too much.

OP posts:
Grumpyoldblonde · 28/01/2018 14:17

Good luck then. You're going to need it.

gamerchick · 28/01/2018 14:17

Well, have fun with that OP. I’m not sure what you want us to say.

DriggleDraggle · 28/01/2018 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

finnmcool · 28/01/2018 14:24

The blocking business was so horrible for you?
That is nowhere near how horrible it will be for you to lose your self esteem, self respect and autonomy over yourself and your life.
You are abusing yourself by getting back with him.

MsGameandWatching · 28/01/2018 14:27

I literally look like Confused right now.

Soon2BeMumTo3 · 28/01/2018 14:35

🤨 ditto. What on earth happened there?!

Bananalanacake · 28/01/2018 14:36

Please don't move in with him. If you decide to leave again it's easier to have your own place.

Swipe left for the next trending thread