Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Holiday bloody nightmare

224 replies

Aminuts23 · 14/09/2017 11:25

I'm currently away with DP of 11 months. First holiday together. Last night he got absolutely wrecked and tells me he doesn't want to live together etc (absolutely fine by me, I don't want that and he knows it). However he also said when me met he thought I was a genuinely decent person who he could see himself shagging for a few months. He's horrified today and says he never thought that but I hate it. I now feel stuck here with him. He's feeling awful. I'm feeling awful. How would you feel about this?

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 14/09/2017 11:33

what a twat .... how much longer are you away for lovely ... can you grin and pretend all is ok then ditch him when you get home Flowers

HotNatured · 14/09/2017 12:23

if he's never done anything like this before and it's out of character then I think you need to move on and enjoy your holiday together. If he's profusely apologetic then don't keep on punishing him, it was just drunk talk and you've said he's horrified. You both feel awful, you're on holiday, he only really said what he first thought when he met you, obviously that's changed as you've been together 11 months. The moving in together thing seems irrelevant as you state you don't want to anyway.

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 14/09/2017 12:25

It's just really sad as I would never have expected him to say something like that ever. His reaction when he realised he'd upset me wasn't great either. He is horrified today but so am I. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Aminuts23 · 14/09/2017 12:26

I'm not punishing him but there is an elephant in the room now

OP posts:
ShotsFired · 14/09/2017 12:28

Could (generous interpretation) it be that he was trying to very cackhandedly say he thought that at the start but now he seems how amazing you are and that he has completely changed his mind?

Lovemusic33 · 14/09/2017 12:28

From expereance, people tend to tell the truth when drunk (I know I do), they say things they are thinking without thinking. I don't blame you for feeling pissed off. I hope you can get through the holiday and then ditch him when you get home

Winteriscomingneedmorewood · 14/09/2017 12:30

It wouldn't be an elephant op it would be his suitcase- packed.
Can he book another room?

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 14/09/2017 12:32

We can't book another room. What a massive twat. Fancy saying that while we're away

OP posts:
Winteriscomingneedmorewood · 14/09/2017 12:40

Are you going to dump him?

TrailingWife · 14/09/2017 12:42

You can end things with him even though you are away together. Tell him it's over. Spend the day away from him. Get him some blankets so he can sleep on the floor.

SparklingRaspberry · 14/09/2017 12:50

So you've been together 11 months, you don't want to live together and he told you whilst drunk you were meant to only be a shag for a few weeks/months.

Sorry but I don't see why you're even with one another.

  1. because you don't even want to move the relationship m forward and live together, even if none of this had happened, and 2) you were meant to be only a shag.

I've been drunk many many times and have said some absolute drunken shite. But I've never told someone they were only meant to be an easy fling - that sort of thing must have some truth behind it, OP

This is who he is OP

YouCantArgueWithStupid · 14/09/2017 13:20

I'd do what @TrailingWife has suggested and enjoy my holiday

Josuk · 14/09/2017 13:24

OP - I don't know how old you are - but it sounds like both of you are young and not ready for anything serious and long term.

You said yourself that you are not after moving in together - which is a natural next step for a relationship that it long-term focused, etc.

So - 11 month ago - he met you, and thought you were nice (=decent), and attractive (=shaggable). And, he wasn't at a place where he wanted to be in a serious, long-term relationship (=he could see a fling with you for a few months)

Is that really different from a start of many relationships? People meet, they don't know how it will turn out. They know they are attracted to each other.
And unless they have some sort of biological clock pressures (like many, like I did have at some point) - the focus is not always on the long term, not from the start...

However, as with many - people spend time together, and, sometimes magic happens.
They fall in love, they stay together longer than they thought they would. Or, they don't....

So - what exactly bothers you in what he said about 11 month ago?
You clearly are having a relationship - despite his initial intentions. You are on holidays together, etc.

They only thing I can think of - is that you are scared to admit to yourself that you actually want more, including moving in together, eventually.
In that case - I am sorry - and it's a tough place to be.
In that case - at least it's still early days and you can leave and try to move on.

user1497997754 · 14/09/2017 14:28

When you drink too much....drink is a poison remember....your brain reacts as if you had been in a car crash....so it's all over the place and all rational thinking goes out of the window. Personally I wouldn't take much notice of what he said as he was drunk.....more importantly does he get drunk a lot....or was it a one off....if its a regular thing I would dump him.

TrailingWife · 14/09/2017 17:01

@SparklingRaspberry I've been drunk many many times and have said some absolute drunken shite. But I've never told someone they were only meant to be an easy fling - that sort of thing must have some truth behind it, OP

I have told someone that they were meant to be a fling, and I was telling the truth. My now DH, who've I've been with for over 20 years, was meant to be fling. He thinks it's funny.

However, there is a really big difference between that and what @Aminuts23 is going through. Her boyfriend basically said that he was just hoping to use her for sex. He didn't follow through with anything else -- that now he felt differently, that he thinks she is wonderful, etc.

I'd end the relationship, not because when it started he didn't have long term intentions, but that nearly a year he is clearly an immature twit who is not only just looking for a simple sexual relationship with no long term goals, but also says cold things when drunk without realizing the damage they do.

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 14/09/2017 19:10

Josuk were in our 40s and although we're having a pleasant evening as I'm getting through this it's over when we get home. I have oodles more self respect than that. 2 more days to go

OP posts:
Jb291 · 14/09/2017 19:21

OP why wait to go home. Can you ditch the STBX and leave tonight or first thing in the morning, if the relationship is over then why waste another minute on him.

QuiteLikely5 · 14/09/2017 19:24

What is wrong in him saying that's what he thought would happen? Confused

It didn't and here you are 11 months later!

I can't understand why you have taken offence unless you thought you were getting married from day two

Aquamarine1029 · 14/09/2017 20:14

I'm sorry, op. What an absolute shit thing for him to say. You're doing the right thing by dumping his sorry ass. You deserve a lot better than that.

SandyY2K · 14/09/2017 20:26

I'd be acting single and block him when you get home.

greit · 14/09/2017 20:28

What does "His reaction when he realised he'd upset me wasn't great either" mean?

Was that the clincher?

2014newme · 14/09/2017 20:30

Shag the lifeguard

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 14/09/2017 21:08

Awww wise women. We're out tonight and he's being utterly lovely and I'm faking having a lovely time. He keeps apologising loads. He's gone for me but it's so sad because he is lovely 99% of the time. He thinks I'm ok now. Half of me is ok but the other half (with the self respect) will never ever put up with that.

OP posts:
squirreltrap · 14/09/2017 21:13

I agree with pp who said that his first impression (based on previous experience or whatever) was that it might not last

I don't really see the issue with this!!

What exactly is the issue with this?!?!

Niamhisnotarealname · 14/09/2017 21:15

Do we not all think that at the beginning? My first thoughts are never 'I want to marry them and stay with them forever' that's wierd. then you end up falling in love.

however you never actually SAY that's what you thought. twat.